


Songs of the Hub

by AwatereJones



Category: Torchwood
Genre: F/M, Gen, Inspired by Music, M/M, One Shot Collection, Songs, music for the soul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-11 04:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 49,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13516746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: I love music, used to sing in a band before my lungs were too damaged and turning one up to full volume to scream it as I drive is a therapy to me ... some songs give me thoughts and images of the boys so I thought I might start shaing them. No idea how often or what lengths these one-shots will be but as I get a tickle I will share.





	1. Chapter 1

Come with Me Now

Jack knew he had been here before, standing here with the rain pelting down feeling like his anger alone was enough to sizzle the droplets of water before they even touched this coat.

All that time trapped in that jar, those long, long years he spent with just his mind and his memories. He had dreamed, gods how he dreamed and all of them had Ianto in them. Sometimes in the background holding the coat, sometimes a cup of coffee extended. Jack's favourite was the Karaoke one, that first time he had sung in front of the team, nervously fiddling with the mic as he waited for the music to come on, then folding back the shirt cuffs, his waistcoat so pim.

Owen had catcalled and laughed, thinking he was upsetting the young man but he didn't know Ianto then not like Jack did. He didn't know the deep burn glowing in that man's gut that Jack had seen in his eyes that night in the warehouse, had felt cock to cock.

Yeah, Jack was ready.

Ianto spread his feet, planted himself and then let his throat relax as he screamed down the mic and Owen stood, his feet slapping on the ground as his stool flew back and Jack had never seen Owen so galvanised as he screamed back with wanton glee.

Ianto had sung with the voice of an angel as each verse was used to entice, then the chorus would be belted with venom.

Gods, that song thumped in his head so often in the early hours, gods knows what the poor Kats thought the times he had projected without meaning to.

If not the TYNTW he would never have known the power of telepathy. The Doctor had used him not only to distract but as an extra conduit and he had learnt so much that year, his mind had been changed forever and in the end when he had only that to fall back on he had found himself able to commune, able to not only talk but share images, thoughts and feelings.

He had waited long enough, fought hard enough and now he stood here with a simmering rage that made his skin twitch. He had felt this before, had let himself burn as he stood in front of the Darlek screaming with inhuman rage in the defence of those he loved. He had been ready to die, to defend. The warrior blood of his people thrumming, fuelled by that voice in the back of his head that told him he had already failed Gray, he would not fail anyone else he loved.

Now he knew his soul was worthless, or perhaps worth more than spun gold. He wasn't sure which it was, this gift. This curse that had him simmering under the surface.

The door swung open and he stood staring within.

Was he heady for this? Had he paid with enough of this very long, sorrowful life? Was he strong enough to argue with the only one who might actually understand him?

He surged into the Blue Box, snatching at the coat lapel of the one who was trying to exit it and they tumbled as the door slammed shut then the grinding began as she knew what he had to do. Her own internal self screaming with righteous rage as her mind touched his, her heart felt his and her soul ached for his.

TARDIS fell though space, time, love, despair and sought the only thing that might help now.

Jack lay on the floor with the Doctor in his grasp, his lips peeled back in a silent snarl as he shook the Doctor and screamed why over and over again. Finally they slammed to a halt and Jack rose unsteadily to his feet and struggled to the door, taking a deep breath. He shoved the doors open and ran, the body beneath the red blanket snatched with glee and Jack was back inside the box before anyone even noticed it.

"Quick sexy lady, quick. Back to the hospital, there's still time."

Jack knelt and held the still warm body he knew could be reanimated with a patch or two in New New York. He knew that much too, he had them waiting.

This time they fell with style.

How could they not?

Ianto was on board.

.

.

.

.

.

Come with me now  
Come with me now

Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna take you down  
Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna show you how

Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna take you down  
Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna show you how

Afraid to lose control  
And caught up in this world  
I've wasted time, I've wasted breath  
I think I've thought myself to death

I was born without this fear  
Now only this seems clear  
I need to move, I need to fight  
I need to lose myself tonight

Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna take you down  
Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna show you how

I think with my heart and I move with my head  
I open my mouth and it's something I've read  
I stood at this door before, I'm told  
But a part of me knows that I'm growing too old

Confused what I thought with something I felt  
Confuse what I feel with something that's real  
I tried to sell my soul last night  
Funny, he wouldn't even take a bite

Far away  
I heard him say (come with me now)  
Don't delay  
I heard him say (come with me now)

Far away  
I heard him say (come with me now)  
Don't delay  
I heard him say (come with me now)

Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna take you down  
Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna show you how

Afraid to lose control  
And caught up in this world  
I've wasted time, I've wasted breath  
I think I've thought myself to death

I was born without this fear  
Now only this seems clear  
I need to move, I need to fight  
I need to lose myself tonight

Whoa, come with me now

Whoa, come with me now  
I'm gonna take you down  
Whoa, come with me now

"Come with Me" by Kongos


	2. The Flame

Bluedragonmaid offered this song and I do not know if this is the story she sees when she hears the song, but it is the one I gleaned. I am sure her version is not so … me.

.

.

.

.

Ianto shifted from one foot to the other, trying to hide his annoyance as Jack flirted with the police officer, his teeth flashing in the half-light of the busy city street. The rain was falling lightly, the drops glistening in the artificial lights. Gwen was nearby talking to another team member as Ianto resisted the urge to clear his throat. Or say something. Or… throw something at the woman's head.

Jack finished the little exercise and swung to look directly at Ianto then past him at the approaching woman, "Right, I think we have all we need to shut this little operation down. Wanna go in hot?"

"Look cowboy, you might like to leap about stomping those boots all over the place but you need to remember this is Amercia and most of them in there are armed to the teeth and might just blow yours out the back of your skull." She said with obvious annoyance.

The Jack Harkness Effect.

Love him or hate him, you can't help it.

Long after they had rampaged through the nightclub and the crime scene tape had been cleared away Ianto found himself alone on the dark dance floor looking around with that resigned look of a man who knew there was still too much to do. Jack was standing nearby, his Great Coat discarded on a stool and the lights pulsing around the perimeter where people had run for their lives, stools still knocked over and glasses on the floor. Ianto looked at his beloved and saw the tried circles around his eyes. Sleeves rolled up, braces slapping around his thighs and evidence bags stacked up.

"I don't know Ianto" Jack sighed softly, "I don't know if this even really matters."

Ianto wanted to tell him there was purpose, there was promise but they both knew it wasn't like that. Instead he moved closer so Jack would have the comfort of him and it seemed to help, Jack smiling softly as he tipped his head back, "Do you remember this song?"

Ianto did, it was the one thumping through the speakers of the SUV when Jack slammed it off the end of the pier taking the weevil into the water.

"You almost drowned" Jack snorted, "But gods, you were so fierce as you urged me on hanging onto the suicide strap with that grin. I still remember the way Owen was screaming as he ran up and down the railing. He almost fell in."

Ianto laughed softly, also remembering the way Jack had helped him up onto the pier again their laughter booming out across the water.

Then that police officer appeared in the shadows and Jack's stance changed, watching her approach with her lips freshly pouted and hair perfect. Ianto wondered if he could set the sprinklers off.

"Captain, I was wondering if you would like to come to the second site to check on the inventory" she said, Ianto feeling annoyance as he heard the blatant offer. He almost seized Jack's arm but knew this was not up to him. Captain Jack was not his after all, no matter how much he was Jack's.

Jack seemed to agree as he moved towards her then he hesitated as the song changed and he swung back to look at Ianto again, their song now playing. The one they had first danced to back in the Hub a lifetime ago and Ianto was glad he had at least the knowledge to have changed the selection without anyone noticing.

Jack took a deep breath, "I smell coffee."

"The café around the road will be opening soon, probably turned on the machines. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast" she offered.

Jack considered then shook his head, "Nah. Thanks but… I don't drink coffee anymore."

Ianto felt sorrow in that but knew that was also something he had no control over. Not yet.

Jack moved to the dance floor and he threw his arms out, dancing to the music and Ianto found himself joining in, as they had in the early hours in their boxer shorts.

"I love you Jack" Ianto said softly as he wished he could comfort him more, say something more. Do something more.

"Ianto" Jack sighed to the empty nightclub "I miss you."

Ianto wished he could fix that as well but that flame… that flame burned eternally in the part of Jack's heart that powered Ianto's' spirit enough to remain with him even beyond the call of the veil.

Jack would walk home in the rain singing the song to himself, he would shower and lay on the bed talking to Ianto about the case, the American pizza he had eaten and the lack of good coffee in this damned city.

Ianto would lie beside him and agree, caress and croon until his Cariad slept.

Just like every night.

Finally able to connect in his dreams, they would dance to this song as they always did. Together, united in Jack's subconscious where Ianto had managed to insert himself with that last searing kiss.

Forever.

.

.

.

.

The Flame by Cheap Trick

Another night slowly closes in  
And I feel so lonely  
Touching heat freezing on my skin  
I pretend you still hold me  
I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep  
I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you  
I can't believe you're gone  
You were the first, you'll be the last

Wherever you go, I'll be with you  
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you  
Whenever you need someone  
To lay your heart and head upon  
Remember, after the fire, after all the rain  
I will be the flame  
I will be the flame

Watching shadows move across the wall  
I feel so frightened  
I wanna run to you, I wanna call  
But I've been hit by lightning  
Just can't stand up for fallin' apart  
Can't see through this veil across my heart, over you  
You'll always be the one  
You were the first, you'll be the last

Wherever you go, I'll be with you  
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you  
Whenever you need someone  
To lay your heart and head upon.  
Remember, after the fire, after all the rain  
I will be the flame  
I will be the flame

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep  
I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you  
You'll always be the one  
You were the first, you'll be the last

Wherever you go, I'll be with you  
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you  
Whenever you need someone  
To lay your heart and head upon.  
Remember, after the fire, after all the rain  
I will be the flame  
I will be the flame

Whatever you want, I'll give it to you  
Wherever you go, I'll be with you  
And whatever you want, I'll give it to you


	3. Heathens

 

"I mean it, I'm not fucking joking" Owen said again and Ianto nodded sagely.

"Ianto, mate ya know this is not something I would go on about lightly but we are entering an area you might not feel comfortable in" Owen was starting to settle as he drove, looking superior as Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"I didn't grow up in the 'nice' places you probably did. We had money but my Mam was a bitch who palmed me off to boarding schools and I grew up with these people instead. Probably the only good thing she ever did for me really" Owen sighed and Ianto turned to watch as Owen tried to find the words, "Just…just stay by me, don't look anyone in the eye and if someone sniffs you don't pull that lemon sucking face you do. Fuck don't embarrass me."

"I shall remain neutral"

"Good, good. Ya know there are buggers, shitheads, thieves and maybe even one or two killers in here. We go in, get the info we need for the Black Market Sale and we get out. You just…ah…maybe you should just stay by the door and if it looks like shit is about to go down you can take off, yeah?" Owen looked worried now, "Jack would kill me if ya lose an arm or something."

"Ah, the caring is so amazing. What a nurturer you are" Ianto said dryly, watching the streets change to darker, grimier and more foreboding as the asphalt changed to old cobbles and broken glass here and there.

They were entering the Badlands.

The Block.

Owen parked and slid from the SUV, waiting for Ianto and he double checked it was locked then employed the mild shockers that would give anyone who touched it a good boot. Owen swaggered to the door and knocked three times. It opened a crack and an eyeball appeared. Owen stared back and the door slammed shut, then swung open once the rattling of chains had stopped.

Owen swaggered into the lobby, "Yeah, hi. I need to see…"

"Toto?"

"Bomber, oright?"

Owen turned slowly as the man with the semi automatic launched himself as Ianto, laughing as he embraced him "What the hell! _this is well waffle munter bruv._ Whatcha doin' here?"

"This one wants to know where da next Black Market Sale is, we needs a piece a shit thing we heard might be there for sale" Ianto said to the huge man and Bomber nodded, pointing to the inner lair.

"Idris is in there with the bruvs, he gonna bust a nut!"

"Yes, no doubt" Ianto said as he pushed past Owen who was still standing with his mouth open, Ianto called out "Idris, knock knock motherfucker."

"Toto!"

The room erupted with noise, movement and Owen entered in time to see Ianto calmly punch someone in the face, a hard sharp strike that had the skinny one on the ground wailing as everyone howled with laughter.

"ima bang u out dick'ed" Ianto growled, "Jog on!"

"Toto hasn't let go ya fuckup wiff da car!" someone laughed and Owen blinked as he looked around, no one seeming to mind that the man in the three piece suit had just punched one of them out.

Ianto walked over to the crate of beer bottles and lifted one, placing it against the edge of the table and then slapping it hard. "Owen, bevy?"

Owen spluttered as he accepted the bottle and watched Ianto repeat the action and neck the entire fucking thing. Ianto burped loudly and then turned to the handsome black Adonis watching from …fuck is that a throne?

"I need this bruv" Ianto thrust his phone at him and a little man scurried between Ianto and Idris with the phone.

Idris looked at it, frowning. "Skidmark, you seen this?"

The bleeding man crawled over and peered at the phone, then stood, "Yeah. Hedge Man has it. Said it fell from the fucking sky, man he need to stop the weed."

"Well?" Iris said slowly, "Fuck off an get it for me then, there's a good fuckwit."

Skidmark took off and Ianto folded into a chair, Owen dazedly slumping into one as well, Idris pointed at him, "How the hell did you meet the Rat?"

Ianto blinked.

Owen paled.

"We work together these days" Ianto said as he plucked at a trouser leg, "Torchwood, remember? Alien hunters?"

Owen was now sure there were hidden cameras and Jack was laughing his tits off somewhere. They all laughed for a while, then Skidmark returned with a box. Ianto peered in, "Good one."

He rose, then bowed deeply to the Adonis, "Thank you my liege."

"Go with my blessing my subject" Idris waved a hand majestically as Owen rose and then shuffled over to bow as well.

Everyone stared. "What the fuck ya doing Rat?"

"Owen, don't. Idiot, just…just get outside before you embarrass me more. Goddess on a dolphin" Ianto hissed, then sighed.

They were soon rolling and Owen finally found his voice.

"What. The. Fuck."

"What?" Ianto looked up from the box with surprise, "You didn't really think I was born of wealth did you? That black man back there, my best friend growing up. This is my neighbourhood. See that building? I was third floor, second from the left."

Owen drove in silence as Ianto fiddled with the radio.

The same thing going through his brain over and over again.

**Ianto was one if us all along?**

.

.

.

.

All my friends are heathens, take it slow  
Wait for them to ask you who you know  
Please don't make any sudden moves  
You don't know the half of the abuse  
All my friends are heathens, take it slow  
Wait for them to ask you who you know  
Please don't make any sudden moves  
You don't know the half of the abuse

Welcome to the room of people  
Who have rooms of people that they loved one day  
Docked away  
Just because we check the guns at the door  
Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades  
You're loving on the psychopath sitting next to you  
You're loving on the murderer sitting next to you  
You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?"  
But after all I've said, please don't forget

All my friends are heathens, take it slow  
Wait for them to ask you who you know  
Please don't make any sudden moves  
You don't know the half of the abuse

We don't deal with outsiders very well  
They say newcomers have a certain smell  
You have trust issues, not to mention  
They say they can smell your intentions  
You're loving on the freakshow sitting next to you  
You'll have some weird people sitting next to you  
You'll think "How did I get here, sitting next to you?"  
But after all I've said, please don't forget  
(Watch it, watch it)

All my friends are heathens, take it slow  
Wait for them to ask you who you know  
Please don't make any sudden moves  
You don't know the half of the abuse

All my friends are heathens, take it slow  
(Watch it)  
Wait for them to ask you who you know  
(Watch it)  
Please all my friends are heathens, take it slow  
(Watch it)  
Wait for them to ask you who you know

Why'd you come? You knew you should have stayed  
(It's blasphemy)  
I tried to warn you just to stay away  
(Away)  
And now they're outside ready to bust  
(To bust)  
It looks like you might be one of us

.

Heathens by Twenty One Pilots


	4. Dance with My Tad.

 

_This story was handed to me almost completed but the lovely PCJanto was keen to see how I might morph it into my own style. So … most of this is already done before I begin writing and she must take Credit here as most of this is her … maybe twenty percent me … a lovely idea and a song I do know but had not considered xxxxx_

_._

_._

_._

Joshua Icarus Harkness, son of Ianto Jones-Harkness and Captain Jack Harkness stood looking out the window of his suite at St. David's Hotel and Spa. The Glamorous hotel was positioned on the waterfront of Cardiff Bay and was the location of his wedding. Today he would marry the woman of his dreams, and pray that his marriage would be half as wonderful as his parentals.

A tear escaped and slid down his cheek as he felt the warm comforting arms of his father, the one and only Captain Jack Harkness who embraced him from behind... Jack had watched his son from afar, today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life instead there was pain. Jack took a deep calming breath and spoke soothingly with a kiss to his son's forehead as Jack said ''I hope those are tears of happiness, your tad wouldn't want you to be sad'.

His tad Ianto Jones- Harkness had disappeared during a rift surge three week earlier and presumed dead, his father had refused to give up hope searching frantically for his husband and Josh's beloved tad, even contacting the Doctor who has yet to return from his search.

Closing his eyes Josh grabbed hold of his father's hand as memories of him and his parentals swirl back to when he was a child, before life removed all the innocence when his Taddy would lift him high and dance with his father and him spinning him around gently 'till he fell asleep. Then his parentals would carry him up the stairs to his bed. Josh has never doubted their love for him. He also never saw a moment of his life without that loving embrace of safety.

Josh leaned back into his father's embrace, as he wiped away tears with his hand. Days before his Tad disappeared Josh had confided in him how nervous he was about his first dance surrounded by guests with his beautiful bride. Ianto had smiled and taken his hand to practice dancing with him. If he could get another chance, another walk, another dance with his tad he would play a song that would never ever end, how he would love to dance and share those special moments with his Tad again.

Josh remembered when he and his father would disagree, to get his way he would run from him to his tad who would make him laugh just to comfort him, then finally make him do Just what his father said without realising. Later that night when He was asleep his tad would leave a pound under his pillow. Josh breathed deeply grabbing his father's hand. He never dreamed that his tad would be gone from him. He was supposed to be here with him sharing this special day and making new memories... Sometimes he now listens outside his father's door and hears how his father cry for his tad. He would pray for him even more than himself. He knows he's praying for too much but this day of memory making is tarnished now.

_But Dear God could you please send my father the only man he ever truly loved back, I know you don't do it usually grant these but he's dying to dance with my tad again. Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream._

A knock on the door alerted Jack and Josh that it was time, the wedding was about to start. Jack give his son a final hug while whispering that he loved him and his Tad would be so proud of him.

Josh looked at himself in the mirror and whispered softly "Come on now. Is that any way…"

"… to present yourself to the world" a voice finished for him and Josh continued to stare silently as the mirror image of himself and the handsome man who stood behind him looking dishevelled, tired and most of all relieved.

"Taddy Bum?"

"Oh Stink, you've not called me that in years" Ianto's face softened as he stepped in to hold his son, the dam bursting as he cried with relief. His Tad was back.

But how?

"The Doctor…. Or rather the Tardis found me" Ianto whispered and Josh realised he had spoken out loud.

"I don't care, you are here. I don't care what it took, what it cost now or one day. Oh Taddy, don't ever leave me again" Josh begged and Ianto snorted softly.

"Joshua, if you've not worked out by now that your father and I have never and will never age, you definitely did not inherit my brain!" Ianto sniggered, "No matter what happens, I will come back to you. Always my little Cariad. OK? Now come on, you have a bride waiting out there."

"Sure Tad, sure" Joshua accepted his Tad's arm to walk him down the aisle and it felt right. Good.

"Tad?"

"Yes stink?"

"Save me a dance, yeah?"

"Always."

.

.

.

PCJanto hope this did it justice … you wrote is so well and I loved finishing it off for you xxxxx

.

_._

_._

**"Dance With My Father"**

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence  
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then spin me around 'til I fell asleep  
Then up the stairs he would carry me  
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him  
I'd play a song that would never, ever end  
How I'd love, love, love  
To dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree  
To get my way, I would run from her to him  
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me  
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep  
He left a dollar under my sheet  
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him  
I'd play a song that would never, ever end  
'Cause I'd love, love, love  
To dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door  
And I'd hear how my mama cried for him  
I pray for her even more than me  
I pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much  
But could You send back the only man she loved?  
I know You don't do it usually  
But, dear Lord, she's dying  
To dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

By Luther Vandross


	5. Perfect

Ianto held her closer as the dance floor started to fill, others enjoying the music as it boomed out with the simple yet pleasant rhythm.

"Me, ballroom dancing. God, if the boys saw me now" Ianto quipped and she laughed softly, her hand against his shoulder sliding up to stroke his cheek for a moment.

"I know you didn't want to but it's important to me ya Wally" she said softly, her dark skin making the white silk blouse really scream its cleanliness.

One of the things he first noticed about Lisa was her cleanliness. I know, not everyone would base their first look at a potential mate based on cleanliness but damn, she always looked so well put together. Her and Adeola walking along as their perfect selves. He almost fell over the day she turned in the elevator to look at his perfectly polished shoes, then drag her eyes up his suit to his stormy gaze.

Damn.

"Just think" Lisa whispered, "This time next month we will be married on our honeymoon"

"It's the big one tomorrow isn't it?" Ianto frowned and she sighed as she nuzzled against his earlobe, kissing and sucking it on or a moment.

"Yvonne knows what she's doing love, I know you hate working there. I do. Once we are married we can work on that baby and you can be a stay at home Tad. My little wifey, yeah?" she smiled as she pulled back to look at him, "Tomorrow we go full power. She will either achieve what she wants or sulk for a few weeks before trying again and we will not even be there, we will be on that cruise we've saved up for."

"You know, I would have been happy to stay…."

"In with a pizza and beers, I know ya Neanderthal" she let her head fall back, her throat too perfect not to kiss, his hands sliding up from the small of her back to settle between her shoulder blades and she let her head gently fall against his forehead. "I love you Ianto. My lovely, patient man. Just a little longer and you can kiss that job goodbye. Our ten year plan, remember? Marriage, baby, you retire than I work another three years for our full package we signed up for when we got permission to marry. Then we buy that house and become beachcombers. You stop shaving and I will too. We will become fuzzy nuttas with a little coffee coloured beast that has a mad Welsh accent."

Ianto snorted, giving in as he always did and letting go his fears of the planned Ghost Shift in the morning. He drifted. He loved this song, the one they would dance to at their wedding, at their first anniversary…their second…their twentieth?

He had practiced it and recorded it so it would be his own voice singing it with her harmonising on the chorus, the families would go insane when they heard their crooning over his guitar riffs. Ianto would held the redwood guitar he had first seen as an eight year old in his Grandtad's closet and been allowed.

Ianto's long delicate fingers were good for the string plucking needed to create the song's melody and were something Lisa loved and as he sang it he closed his eyes and saw her in the dress he knew she had purchased even though he pretended he didn't. Of course she chose the pearl white strapless number so his hands could rest between her shoulder blades against bare skin like they did when practicing. Her dark skin glistening with glitter and her best earnings glistening too.

His star.

Ianto opened his eyes as the last note died away and sighed in the growing silence.

He stood, drawing the guitar up with him and he reached for a drawer, pulling it open and carefully placing the guitar in it before pushing it closed. No noise, not even a soft thump as it sealed and his name plaque glinted.

Ianto stared at it long and hard, his drawer.

Then he turned to the one on his left and leaned in, kissing the name plaque with gentle, heartbreaking affection and he then straightened to shakily rub it with his elbow until Lisa's name shone once more.

"You were perfect" he whispered, "I love you. Happy anniversary Lissy."

Ianto turned on his heel and walked from the chryo-chamber as the doors slid shut behind him with that same chilling silence. He headed up to the main hub, Owen starting as soon as he saw him, "COFFEE! Fuck, I'm dying here!"

Ianto headed for the kitchen and glanced up to find the walkway empty of the usually begging captain but he knew he would want one as well so he did his magic.

Jack was sure to change the screen before Ianto entered so he wouldn't see the CCTV footage he had been watching with a sorrow he could not explain. He picked up the cup and took a sip, groaning as he enjoyed that initial burn and Ianto was almost out the door when Jack called out, "Thank you Ianto, I do appreciate you."

Ianto looked shocked, swinging back to stare at him, then blush as he fought the smile forming.

"Thank you Sir."

Jack watched him skip down to the main hub then turn and look back up with a blinding grin. Jack waved and held up his cup in salute, then took another sip. Ianto never heard his whisper as he turned away.

"Ianto, you're perfect too."

.

.

.

.

.

**"Perfect"**

I found a love for me  
Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead  
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet  
Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love  
Not knowing what it was  
I will not give you up this time  
But darling, just kiss me slow  
Your heart is all I own  
And in your eyes you're holding mine

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark  
With you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass  
Listening to our favourite song  
When you said you looked a mess  
I whispered underneath my breath  
But you heard it,  
Darling, you look perfect tonight

Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know  
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home  
I found a love to carry more than just my secrets  
To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids but we're so in love  
Fighting against all odds  
I know we'll be alright this time  
Darling, just hold my hand  
Be my girl, I'll be your man  
I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark  
With you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass  
Listening to our favourite song  
When I saw you in that dress  
Looking so beautiful  
I don't deserve this  
Darling, you look perfect tonight

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark  
With you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass  
Listening to our favourite song  
I have faith in what I see  
Now I know I have met an angel in person  
And she looks perfect  
I don't deserve this  
You look perfect tonight

.

Perfect by Ed Sherran


	6. Only Joking

Ianto leaned in and peered at the file Gwen had opened, humming softly "Ah. fairies, careful there or you will find yourself dancing naked in the moonlight while the drums sound in the trees, the whisper of the leaves calling you out. Magic in the knowing. Power in the moon goddess."

Gwen swung to stare at him with open surprise, the quiet man more of a wraith since the Cyberwoman incident had never said so many words in one go to her before and she found herself transfixed as he blinked slowly, almost hypnotic.

"What?"

"Read it in a Mills and Boon at me sister's place when I was babysitting one night" Ianto grinned, "Fairies and stuff. Naked dancing with crowns of flowers and ribbons under the full moon. Weird. You know, I never understood what you girls see in that stuff."

"Sister?" Gwen smiled at him, "I can't imagine you as a child Ianto."

"Ahhhhhh….. maybe I was….maybe I wasn't" he winked, "Maybe I just stepped into the world with my three piece suit and pocket watch ready to go, eh?"

Gwen sniggered as he walked away and saw what she never had before, the man was funny.

Owen was kneeling on the floor of the autopsy bay muttering as he tried to place a bowl under the leak. Ianto stood at the top of the stairs trying not to grimace but then sighed and began to descend into 'the pit' as he called it.

"Well you know I sterilised this yesterday after that Weevil exploded" Ianto scolded and Owen looked up with a grin, not caring.

"Alright? Did you find that little gift?"

"Yes. The heart was fascinating Owen. I enjoyed it on the top of my in box."

Owen snorted and went back to his autopsy, "Thought ya might."

"I also noticed that little bottle we found the other day has been designated a tag by His Nibs" Ianto said and Owen swing to look at him with glee.

"what… can't call it a sex toy!" Owen sniggered and Ianto smiled at him happily.

"No. Pheromone sex spray!"

Owen's eyes widened and he licked his lips, "I wanna try it…ah…on some rabbits or something."

"Do they even need that stuff?" Ianto raised an eyebrow "I sort of think they are like His Nibs…ready for action anytime anyway. Careful with that stuff Owen, the Gods can play evil tricks sometimes and one day the wrong gift might be unwrapped… And we're back to His Nibs."

They both laughed softly and Ianto went back up to check on Gwen who was still reading her file. He glanced up to see Jack standing there brooding again so he canted his head and mimed a cup of coffee, Jack's face changing as he smiled back and nodded.

"Are you OK Tosh?" Ianto asked as he noticed her glaring at her computer.

"Virus."

"Well, I prefer to be called Welsh but I suppose we are just a cancer destroying this poor planet" he replied and she snorted as she clacked at the keyboard, "You know, one day she will shake us off like a dog shaking off fleas, what we deserve I guess. I read somewhere that we are going to destroy her in a few hundred years with plastic bags alone."

"You having a deep day are you?" she asked without looking at him and he hummed, "I think of us more like annoying children whinging and whining because she won't give us the tit."

"Tosh, you said tit. I am mortified" Ianto said as he started to walk away and she giggled softly.

Gwen was not at her desk so he left her cup, watered the others and went up to find Gwen eagerly showing Jack 'her' findings. He didn't want any part of it, his face stony as he stared at the rose petal in his desk and Ianto plucked it up, sliding it into his pocket with a wink.

"Gwen drop it. These things do not play well with others, I am telling you" Jack warned, "they are old, powerful and ..well… beyond us."

"Don't be stupid!" she scoffed, "You saw what they did to my flat. If the spare keys were not still there on the hook I would have blamed one of Rhys' friends or something at first. Tosh won't help cos she keeps getting some virus thing. Owen is doing that autopsy before it thaws completely…"

"Yeah, funny how the body was accidentally left out" Jack said, looking up as Ianto placed the cup down for his pleasure, "Not like you."

Ianto looked up with eyebrows raised, "Well it's not my fault it was incorrectly labelled sir."

"Hmm" Jack frowned then looked in the cup and smiled, "Ianto, you are a star!"

"Why thank you sir but I would not care to be one, all that shining all the time, I would never sleep with all that light" Ianto quipped and Jack sniggered softly as he watched Ianto turn to leave, Gwen speaking again.

"Ianto, you read this file right? You saw the need to help right?" she demanded and Ianto swung with surprise.

"Gwen, you didn't take that seriously did you? That file is so old it is falling apart."

"They are real Ianto, I'm telling you" she defended as Ianto rolled his eyes again. "Mara are everywhere!"

"Next thing you will be telling me the Loc Ness Monster is too" Ianto laughed and Jack pointed a finger.

"Don't laugh about that, Archie is still touchy about that misunderstanding ya know!" Jack growled and Ianto's smile was gentle as he bowed, then turned to leave.

He hesitated at the bottom of the stairs to look at the team.

Tosh with her virus, Owen with his next fix guaranteed, Jack from another planet yet pending still that he belonged to this one. A planet he loves like it is a star to follow. Gwen so easily misdirected. Ianto smiled, his humour thrumming as he watched Gwen again turn to Jack to complain that she still smells pine needles in the flat.

He exited the Tourist Office and walked along the edge of the quay, watching the little swirling of leaves and petals around his feet, still amused beyond all compare at the way Jack liked to play.

Then he looked forward and the leaves fell away, like feathers discarded. Ianto's eyes shone with an unnatural light as he turned into a dark alley, the sound of his shoes tapping on the cobbles fading away as he….

Winked away.

.

…

.

.

.

I'm only Joking by Kongos

,

There is a song  
You're trembling to its tune  
At the request of the moon

Licking her chops  
She looks at the lunatics  
She needs another fix

I'm only joking  
I don't believe a thing I've said  
What are you smoking?  
I'm just a-fucking with your head  
Only a crazy little thing I read

I'm only joking  
I don't believe a thing I've said  
What are you smoking?  
I'm just a-fucking with your head  
Only a crazy little thing I read  
Only a crazy little thing I read

Maybe the planets  
Are trying to become the stars  
And we really came from Mars

The earth is alive  
And man is a parasite  
And heavenly bodies make us fight

I'm only joking  
I don't believe a thing I've said  
What are you smoking?  
I'm just a-fucking with your head  
Only a crazy little thing I read

I'm only joking  
I don't believe a thing I've said  
What are you smoking?  
I'm just a-fucking with your head  
Only a crazy little thing I read  
Only a crazy little thing I read

Wadu-aidu-wadaidu...

There is a song  
You're trembling to its tune  
At the request of the moon

Licking her chops  
She looks at the lunatics  
She needs another fix

I'm only joking  
I don't believe a thing I've said  
What are you smoking?  
I'm just a-fucking with your head  
Only a crazy little thing I read

I'm only joking  
I don't believe a thing I've said  
What are you smoking?  
I'm just a-fucking with your head  
Only a crazy little thing I read

I'm only joking  
I don't believe a thing I've said  
What are you smoking?  
I'm just a-fucking with your head  
Only a crazy little thing I read  
Only a crazy little thing I read

* * *

 


	7. Mister Cellophane

Ianto watched the team as they spun around in total panic mode. Just another Friday night I guess, Jack shouting orders as he skidded to a halt at the doors and Ianto expertly dropped the Great Coat around his shoulders, a gentle pat of affection and then step back.

Don't breathe.

Gwen snatched her own coat off the rack as she sneered at Owen who shoved her to get to his, Ianto completing the task for him as Toshiko zipped up the pretty pink one she had already hung over her chair.

"Come on everyone, I'm starving!" Owen roared as he disappeared.

Shallow breath in.

Hold.

They left. Ianto waited a beat, let out the soft sigh as he turned to survey the mess. He knew he had an hour and a half to bring this to some semblance of order before they came back from the evening meal they had all headed out to….well…. the team had.

Right?

Not him.

The Tea Boy.

Ianto worked silently, the sounds of the hub around him comforting in a weird way as he cleaned, straightened and rearranged. Then filed and prepared.

Ianto had timed it as per usual and the klaxons announced their triumphant homecoming, all talking and laughing as they entered and Ianto was there, expertly peeling back the Great Coat to turn and place it on the stand, Jack still animatedly talking to Gwen as she shot insults back over her shoulder.

Owen entered with that low flying thing he does when excited and shot down into the lower exam bay where he was expecting to find the experiment he left percolating to have concluded.

Ianto knew the clipboard with the fresh report sheet attacked sitting by the experiment in the jar was already being scribbled all over with the excitement of the three year old who didn't colour inside the lines yet.

Toshiko slid into her chair, pulling a wet-wipe from the open packet as she hated dirtying her keys and as she absently wiped her fingertips she leaned closer to look at her screen then picked up the glasses waiting on said keyboard.

Ianto watched the team go back to work and headed into the kitchen to finish his work. He didn't expect to find Jack in there looking into the fridge with an air of annoyance.

"Sir?"

Jack spun with open shock making a small squeaking noise that showed the cute child he must have been once, his instant smile showing he didn't mind Ianto's stealth, "Still hungry. Did I spy some leftover lasagne in here the other day?"

"Last week, Owen imbibed."

"Bugger."

"To your left is a pottle of the yoghurt you like, or maybe one if the tubs of ice-cream in the cooler?" Ianto suggested calmly, "Rocky road to the back behind the vanilla so Gwen doesn't see it."

"Ahhhhhhh" Jack snatched it up with triumph and spun to leave, a soft kiss to Ianto's cheek unexpected, apparently for both of them as Jack drew back and blinked, then snorted, "Thanks."

Ianto stood for several minutes with his fingertips covering the warm spot on his cool skin then he snorted softly at his melancholy, turning to finish his chores. Then cups were placed on desks.

A CD for Tosh's coaster, some failed data.

A place mat shaped like a cookie on Gwen's desk.

A scorched area of the desk designated for the cup as per the white ring and dribble stains Ianto had long since given up trying to scrub out on Owen's.

Jack? Straight to the clasping hand as he continued to read a file and scornfully mock someone on the phone who no doubt had no idea the actual Director of Torchwood Cardiff would answer and now wished they had sent an e-mail request for a file instead.

Ianto moved down through the levels, retrieving the file requested and stood at the copier as it hummed it's work, his fingers drumming on the top of the machine while he pondered the kiss.

Then the file came up to Jack's desk and he plucked it up like it had appeared by magic then glanced as the man sliding back out the door with a soft smile, "I will have it sent over once I get those items you promised."

Jack dropped the phone and stood, walking to the tinted glass to look down on his team, in particular his own personal wraith.

He wished there was some way help but he knew this had to be Ianto's journey, for better or worse he had chosen to be a Cellophane Man.

But Jack saw him, by the gods he saw him and he hoped one day Ianto would believe it true.

.

.

.

.

.

**Mister Cellophane - Chicago**

If someone stood up in a crowd  
And raised his voice up way out loud  
And waved his arm  
And shook his leg  
You'd notice him  
If someone in a movie show  
Yelled "fire in the second row,  
This whole place is a powder keg! "  
You'd notice him  
And even without clucking like a hen  
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,  
Unless, of course, that personage should be  
Invisible, inconsequential me

Cellophane  
Mister Cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister Cellophane  
Cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there  
I tell ya  
Cellophane  
Mister Cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister Cellophane  
Cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there

Suppose you was a little cat  
Residin' in a person's flat  
Who fed you fish and scratched your ears  
You'd notice him  
Suppose you was a woman wed  
And sleepin' in a double bed beside one man for seven years  
You'd notice him  
A human being's made of more than air  
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there  
Unless that human bein' next to you  
Is unimpressive, undistinquished  
You know who

Should have been my name  
Mister Cellophane  
Cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I"m there  
I tell ya  
Cellophane  
Mister Cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister Cellophane  
Cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there  
Never even know I'm there


	8. The Joker and the Thief

He was humming as he skipped along, Jack trying to keep up as he went over what had happened. He was still amazed that the Doctor had known where he was, had been able to simply walk through the security system like it wasn't there. Jack wondered if it was time to pay UNIT a visit and pinch a better one.

"But how?" he asked for the umpteenth time and the Doctor rolled his eyes to show he was not about to repeat how or why his Blue Lady had taken off on him, Sexy is prone to flights of fancy. She is a sentient being after all.

"Doctor, I know we talked about my VM but…"

"Ah! Let's not get into that ether" he was suddenly walking backwards grinning at Jack, still unerringly able to skip…. Dammed man was insufferable…well….almost. Nah. He was still super cute with that grin. The SUV sat back at the farm, the Doctor's arrival both unexpected and loud in the early morning and Jack was still trying to wake up as the sun burst across the sky. The crop plane had been ….ah….borrowed from the farmer to get out to this field and now they were snark hunting. Like a snipe hunt but with more talking. Get it?

"Are you sure she's this way?" Jack asked, looking at the Doctor with those startlingly blue eyes that saw everything.

The Doctor stopped skipping backwards to stare at Jack like he had just insulted his mother…er…loom….whatever… and he pulled out his sonic screwdriver then spun to face the direction they were heading in … pointed it like a wand in a Harry Potter movie and then gave a look of satisfaction that slid as it pinged… he brought the sonic screwdriver within an inch of his nose and stare at it then roared with mirth, "Still set on daylight savings!"

Jack stood with mild amusement as the Doctor shook the sonic like it was a thermometer, then pointed it again. A grunt and they were off. Jack wondered if he could talk the Doctor into wearing a Deerstalker, the insane face and exaggerated stalking too funny not to be parodied in some way and Jack found himself creeping like he was bloody John Cleese, sniggering at himself.

Then the clearing ahead revealed that what they thought they had seen from the plane was still there.

"There you are, you bad girl!" the doctor scolded, running happily to hug the TARDIS. "You left me, how dare you leave me. Not even a warning."

"Maybe you need couples counselling or something" Jack suggested, "This is the third time she's run here you said in the plane."

"You know…you're right. She has come here before." The Doctor turned to smile at Jack, "This is where I brought Rose for a picnic once. The clover was longer, the flowers so pretty, purple bobbly heads. I like bobbly heads."

The Doctor turned back and patted the box affectionately as Jack canted his head, "And the other time?"

"Huh?"

"Twice before. What was the other one?"

"Ah. Remember that Polderix that exploded and created a bit of a mess in the pool room?" the Doctor asked, "That was partially your fault ya know. I buried it over there."

"It was not my bloody fault, you poked it with a pen" Jack argued good naturedly as he looked around at the nice view.

"Yes but you stole it form the Market Planet stall, I did warn you that they explode for no apparent reason. As annoying as those Tribble things." The Doctor said absently as he looked over the TARDIS for any signs of injury.

"Do you miss your home? I mean…. Your real one?" Jack asked as he looked around at the idyllic surroundings.

"Do you?"

"No. This is my home now" Jack said with a shrug, "For now."

"See? Home is a relative thing. I can never go home. Bubble thing ya know. You can't go home….well…. we both sort of burned that bridge big time" the Doctor leaned against the doors of the Tardis, "But you know…home is where your heart is."

Jack reached out to pat the TARDIS, the only heart he had left and her doors swung open making the Doctor squeak as he fell back into the doorway, laying there with a look of surprise.

"Cheeky!" he scolded as he struggled to his feet, "Right come on. Where to."

Jack entered and patted her affectionately as he whispered his hello, the lights flashing her delight in the return of one she considered her own wayward son.

"Come on, we better get going" the Doctor finally said, "places to go, dreams to fulfil and all that."

"I don't know if you are Joking or not Mister Sandman" Jack smiled as his eyes drank in everything that had changed, "But you know I am along for the ride."

The TARDIS groaned away with Jack checking his pockets and slipping one or two more things in before the Doctor could notice and scold.

Well, you can't blame him.

He is a bloody conman and a thief, right?

.

..

.

The Joker and the Thief – Wolfmother

.

.I said the joker is a wanted man  
He makes his way all across the land  
See him sifting through the sand  
So I'll tell you all the story  
'Bout the joker and the thief in the night

He's always laughing in the midst of power  
Always living in the final hour  
There is always sweet in the sour

[Refrain]  
So we are not goin' home

[Chorus]  
Can you see the joker flying over  
As she's standing in the field of clover  
Watching out everyday?  
I wonder what would happen if he took her away?

[Verse]  
What you see well you might not know  
You get the feelin' comin' after the glow  
The vagabond is moving slow  
So I'll tell you all the story  
'Bout the joker and the thief in the night

All the people that he see in the night  
Hold their dreams up to the light  
The wild beast is searching for sight

[Refrain]  
And we are not goin' home

[Chorus]  
Can you see the joker flying over  
As she's standing in the field of clover  
Watching out everyday?  
I wonder what would happen if he took her away?

[Outro]  
I said the joker is a wanted man  
He makes his way all across the land  
See him sifting through the sand

Tell you the story 'bout the the joker and the thief  
I said, I'll tell you the story 'bout the the joker and the thief  
I said, I'll tell you the story 'bout the the joker and the thief  
I said, I'll tell you the story 'bout the the joker and the thief  
In the night


	9. What a wonderful world

The hammock had been put up with that infinite care only a true heart's keeper can afford and now it was getting a final test before the nod of approval could be given.

It was a balmy afternoon with the sound of giggling as Imp danced with Monkey, their little hands clasped together as they sang a nonsense song and he could see his beloved kneeling in the dirt with his Best Boy as they carefully potted some fresh colour Bets would be pleased with. Ton measured the dirt, the fertilizer and then picked up a pot. Marigolds. He turned it with his fingers around the stem, his tongue poking out as he tapped the bottom of the container and he looked to his father for approval before sliding the pottle off to leave the pristine dirt behind, then he flipped it into the pot and packed it in, another three plants already waiting for their mate. He slid the pot into the spot he had chosen and leaned back as a loving hand patted his shoulder and quietly told him that looked damned perfect.

The trees were leaning over the garden like they were trying to listen to the quiet conversation, wisteria and willow huddling together like sisters. The red roses already placed in the central garden faced them like a song might be in the offering and the little faces of the pansies around the bush were children looking up expectantly. Badger was uninterested in such madness and had long since flopped in the shade of the trees, panting with a large smile to show his satisfaction in the day so far. That dog seemed to project their joy

It all looked perfect.

He lay back in the hammock and looked up at the clouds meandering across the blue, like they wanted to watch the lovefest happening as well and he resisted the urge to wave. Silly really but he felt very philosophical today.

Babs had gifted them a sculpture for the centre of the garden that had been both unexpected and sweet, a water feature that created a perpetual rainbow in its stream. So Babs. Her stamp perfect next to the concrete dog Walter had chosen that looked a lot like his beloved Myfanwy, still missed after all this time. Ton had provided a watering can of Babs' that had sprung a leak, happy to pot some colour into it and Imp had reluctantly agreed false teeth would not work so he had surprisingly come up with a little wooden sculpture he had made with the workmen, a little fairy house. Stephen had chosen a water lily that would live in the water feature which told them that he had taken Babs to help chose her gift, the two much closer these days.

The housewarming would be tonight, the entire village no doubt rushing to look around and comment, gush and make sure there is still a table big enough for meetings.

The hammock made a nice sound as it swung lazily, it was almost hypnotic and he couldn't help but think this might be what heaven will feel like…if such a thing exists.

What a wonderful life, unexpected and beautiful thanks to that lovely man still patently helping the Toninator with his planting. Then as he watched, his husband rose and brushed his hands on his jeans, telling Ton they needed a break and then he walked over to look down at him in the hammock.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes" came a sigh of reply, "Bloody brilliant actually."

Ianto laughed and carefully lay on top of Jack, kissing him as the hammock swung and Jack laughed as he clutched at his love, readjusting himself in his hammock to accommodate their weight.

"What if it breaks?" Jack laughed as he slapped Ianto's arse, the handsome man looking down at him with such love, such raw affection that Jack felt a lump in his throat.

"Then you will cushion my fall Cariad" Ianto smiled.

Jack nodded.

Of course.

Always.

.

.

.

.

**Louis Armstrong** **– What A Wonderful World Lyrics**

I see trees of green... Red roses too  
I see em bloom... For me and for you  
And I think to myself... What a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue... Clouds of white  
Bright blessed days... Dark sacred nights  
And I think to myself... What a wonderful world.

The colors of a rainbow... So pretty.. In the sky  
Are also on the faces... Of people.. Going by  
I see friends shaking hands... Sayin.. How do you do  
They're really sayin... I love you.

I hear babies cry... I watch them grow  
They'll learn much more... Than I'll never know  
And I think to myself... What a wonderful world

[Instrumental]

The colors of a rainbow... So pretty.. In the sky  
Are there on the faces... Of people.. Going by  
I see friends shaking hands... Sayin.. How do you do  
They're really sayin...*spoken*(I... Love... You).

I hear babies cry... I watch them grow  
*Spoken*(you know their gonna learn  
A whole lot more than I'll never know)  
And I think to myself... What a wonderful world  
Yes I think to myself... What a wonderful world.


	10. "I'm Too Sexy"

Early morning and the day had not yet begun above them as Ianto tried to sort the files for the morning briefing that Jack had excitedly called the "morning Pants" more than once just to annoy him.

The music was soft but increasing as the song came in and Ianto looked up from the paperwork with a soft frown as Jack sashayed into the room. He knew he should have disabled that bloody sound system but Jack had been so high spirited last night he really should have known it was going to be one of those days where he might have to accidently shoot him in a 'friendly fire' accident. Never a weevil when you need one.

"Sir?"

Jack swung to face the wall, then look over his shoulder at Ianto suggestively before he wriggled his butt and started to dance.

The Great Coat was first to meet the floor … Ianto hooking it with his foot to fold it lovingly and place on a nearby chair.

Ianto found himself sitting back to enjoy an erratic dance, the likes he had never seen before and the urge to giggle was swallowed down as Jack dipped low, then bought himself back up arse first. He sort of wished there was a pole but the shelf support seemed to do fine as Jack swung on it.

Ianto was glad it was reinforced mind, Jack was a wee bit energetic.

Jack then started the striptease that had Ianto's mouth going dry once he realised this was not just fooling around, the Captain was here for a specific reason.

Jack turned to face him now, the hips gyrating as he removed the shirt one enticingly slow button at the time, his eyes boring into Ianto as Ianto's eyes slid down with the movement of his hands, GODS.

"Jack"

Jack slid the shirt from his shoulders, the tie still in place and he then lazily flicked the shirt at Ianto letting it land on his head, then slide to the floor as Ianto blinked slowly, the scent so unbelievably funky in the small space.

Jack watched Ianto swallow, his pupils blow out and his nostrils flare.

Gotcha.

Jack swung to the shelf again, then slapped his arse … hard. The squeak was picked up by his fine hearing over the music, the hand now moving in slow circles over the burn.

Yeah baby!

The sound of the chair hitting the wall made him turn as Ianto stalked towards him with that blaze of heat the felt like he was about to be engulfed by a fire ball and he instinctively took a breath before the onslaught.

Instinct is a wonderful thing.

Gods it was glorious, the sound of fabric tearing, the snarling , teethy, biting madness that was nothing like the loving tantric sex they had enjoyed the night before.

No.

Ianto snarled, he slammed Jack against things and more than once Jack cried out with shock as he felt himself drowning in the moment.

IT

WAS

FAN

FUCKING

TASTIC

TA

VERY

AAHHHHHHHHHHH

Jack lay debouched on the crate as Ianto shakily slid the belt through his trousers. He then plucked up Jack's shirt, leaving his own destroyed fabric on the crate next to Jack.

"That was not fair, you know I love that song" Ianto muttered, now shy and reserved once more but Jack just laughed as he lifted his feet to rest them near his butt, knowing the image he was searing into Ianto's brain.

"Come on lover, too sexy for me now?" Jack whined, then looked down for a comment only to find empty space.

Jack sat up with shock.

"Yan?"

The klaxon sounded to announce the arrival of Toshiko and Jack knew he would find Ianto suited and booted up there at the coffee machine smelling as pristine as a fucking pine forest.

Son of a whore.

Jack went in search of a high necked shirt to hide the bruising from the tie and looked at himself in the mirror, the love bites and bruises littering him like he had been attacked by Tribbles.

That Welshman was far too sexy for his own good.

.

.

.

.

.

I'm too sexy for my love  
Too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my shirt  
Too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts

And I'm too sexy for Milan  
Too sexy for Milan,  
New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model, you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my car  
Too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far

And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat  
What d'ya think about that?

I'm a model, you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah  
I shake my little tush on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my  
Too sexy for my  
Too sexy for my

'Cause I'm a model, you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk, yeah  
I shake my little tush on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat  
Too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy  
Poor pussy cat

I'm too sexy for my love  
Too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song

" **I'm too sexy" by Right said Fred**


	11. This is Me

Ianto stood at the stage doors with his usual look of distain as the men bustled around him and Jack pushed past some stage hands huddled together with the chorus girls giggling in a cluster. The smokers. Ianto wore his three piece suit like armour, his oxfords shiny as he made a skipping jump over the curb and into the darkened interior of the back stage.

"Where is the Dressing Room" Jack demanded weighed down with several boxes and a garment bag. Someone led them to a private room where Ianto started to settle into the chair as Jack carefully unpacked the necessaries.

Ianto started to hum softly, opening his pipes as he started to apply the foundation and he built the cheek bones, the chin and hollowed those cheeks as Jack fluffed the skirts.

Clothing slid on, the wig was gently lowered and some adjustments made with a tutting tongue to show it had suffered during the trip from home.

"I'm still not sure about this"

"Babe, you look lovely" Jack said happily, "They have all seen you in cabaret mode, none of them have seen you as demure or sweet like I have. My Welsh Rabbit, time to show them the girl I fell in love with, not the one who owns my balls in her purse. This is a charity Talent Show for the local school, I think it is perfect for you to be a Disney Princess instead of a Bordello girl."

Bunny blinked back as the false eyelashes settled and she leaned back to pout and apply the lipstick.

Jack stood watching his lover as she started to become more real, more solid. His pretty Bunny Rabbid. Her eyes were sapphires, the unusually bright red lips glittered with the new lipstick she hadn't worn before, her cheeks high with colour and she looked every bit the princess.

Jack opened another hat box and peeked in, then lifted out the surprise.

Bunny was watching from the mirror and her eyes widened as she saw what he had, "Oh Tiger."

"Mama wanted you to wear this, she wanted you to look your best. Our princess, this is from the queen of our house" Jack said as he gently placed the tiara on Bunny's hair, careful to clip it into the blonde wig as Bunny tried not to breathe lest she cry with delight.

"Earrings" Jack said as he placed them on the dresser, then came the beautiful waterfall necklace to finish her look.

"Oh Jack, look at that" Bunny sighed, "I feel …so girly."

"Girly? Darling you are all woman to me" Jack purred, "I can't wait to get you home and clamber up inside that hoop skirt!"

As he had hoped, Bunny laughed as she clasped her hands together.

"Come on missus, go knock 'em dead" Jack said as he helped her rise from the chair and thus men who had been clustered around earlier all turned to look as the blonde bombshell glided towards them, her bosoms pressed high in her corseted dress.

They bowed politely, making way for her as she powered past and more than one turned to watch her back as Jack passed through them and made a growling noise to show she was taken.

Bunny walked confidently across the stage as the light fell. She was starting to feel it, her element. As she settled in front of the mic she felt her feet plant themselves on the old board of the stage and she closed her eyes, her long lashes fluttering as she went over the song in her head one more time. Behind her the school Choir were settling and more than one child was whispering excitedly. They had been practicing for this for ages with Mister Harkness-Jones who was a lovely mild mannered man, the pretty lady coming for their final rehearsals looking like a super model had been a surprise as she had not only encouraged them, she had captured their minds with her visualisations. It had only been when Captain Harkness-Jones called her 'Sweetie' like he did his husband that they had finally twigged that it was their teacher. Now they saw her for the sweet princess she was and they all wanted to be her. Or at least nearer to her.

"And now, the one I know you've all been waiting for. Our top billing, internationally renowned…. BUNNY RABBID!" a voice roared and the place went silent.

Showtime.

Bunny held the mic and took a breath as the music swelled then she looked up and started to sing.

She saw faces she knew, the girls from the café in the front row with looks of total shock and delight as she stepped forward, her high heels flashing from beneath the huge dress and she felt her heart stir.

That familiar sensation of belong.

She roared.

The children sang like angels, fierce and warrior ones as she led them to battle.

As the music finally died Bunny felt her heart scream with glee as people rose to their feet applauding and she turned to the children, her curtsy deep and delicate.

So did they.

.

.

.

Correction ... had the wrong version ... this is the song that inspired this ... This is me by **Benj Pasek** and **Justin Paul** ,

 

This is Me  - Keala Settle (Greatest Showman)

I'm not a stranger to the dark  
Hide away, they say  
'Cause we don't want your broken parts  
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars  
Run away, they say  
No one will love you as you are

But I won't let them break me down to dust  
I know that there's a place for us  
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down  
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out  
I am brave, I am bruised  
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me  
Look out 'cause here I come  
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum  
I'm not scared to be seen  
I make no apologies, this is me

Another round of bullets hits my skin  
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in  
We are bursting through the barricades  
And reaching for the sun (we are warriors)  
Yeah, that's what we've become

Won't let them break me down to dust  
I know that there's a place for us  
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down  
Gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out  
I am brave, I am bruised  
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me  
Look out 'cause here I come  
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum  
I'm not scared to be seen  
I make no apologies, this is me

...This is me

And I know that I deserve your love  
There's nothing I'm not worthy of  
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down  
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out  
This is brave, this is bruised  
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)  
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)  
I'm not scared to be seen  
I make no apologies, this is me

I'm gonna send a flood  
Gonna drown them out  
(...this is me)

..

.

.

This is Me – Camp Rock seems another version,

.

.

This is Me – Camp Rock

I've always been the kind of girl  
That hid my face  
So afraid to tell the world

What I've got to say  
But I have this dream  
Bright inside of me  
I'm gonna let it show, it's time  
To let you know  
To let you know

This is real, this is me  
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now  
Gonna let the light, shine on me  
Now I've found, who I am  
There's no way to hold it in  
No more hiding who I want to be  
This is me

Do you know what it's like  
To feel so in the dark  
To dream about a life  
Where you're the shining star  
Even though it seems  
Like it's too far away  
I have to believe in myself  
It's the only way

This is real, This is me  
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now  
Gonna let the light, shine on me  
Now I've found, who I am  
There's no way to hold it in  
No more hiding who I want to be  
This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head  
The reason that I'm singing  
I need to find you, I gotta find you  
You're the missing piece I need  
The song inside of me  
I need to find you, I gotta find you

This is real, this is me  
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now  
Gonna let the light, shine on me  
Now I've found, who I am  
There's no way to hold it in  
No more hiding who I want to be  
This is me

You're the missing piece I need  
The song inside of me (this is me)  
You're the voice I hear inside my head  
The reason that I'm singing  
Now I've found, who I am  
There's no way to hold it in  
No more hiding who I want to be  
This is me


	12. Brand new Key

Rose sat brushing her hair, the brush swooshing though her long locks like a whispering lover. The Doctor had been fun but also tiring. She wondered if he would ever give her a straight answer about anything.

Something squeaked and she paused, maybe it was a cupboard in the kitchen? Her Mum was in the kitchen cooking bangers and mash, her mouth watering as she smelt the combination that would soon be ready.

There it was again.

A squeaky noise.

Rose got up and walked to her bedroom window, looking out into the dusk of the street below to find it was a push bike, clattering along the cobbles being ridden by….no.

"Mum, just gonna catch some air for an appetite" she called as she grabbed a jacket and skipped out, down the stairs and to the street as snow started to fall.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Nothing" he said with a cheeky grin, then he did a lazy circle around her, "Why? What are you doing here?"

"Well, this mad nutta on a pushbike is under me bedroom window. A dork in a three piece suit. On a pink girl's bike with a basket and tassels" she replied.

"Tassels are cool" he said as he started to move away, "Your Mum is calling."

Rose spun to tell her to wait, then turned back to find he was gone.

"Damn."

Three days later there was another sound and she leaned out to watch him coming closer with a look of boredom yet an air of importance, the skates clattering louder than the bike had. Her mouth fell open. Again, she was out in the street as he lazily circled and she suddenly saw a vulture circling a kill.

"A tiger" he corrected softly, "Rwar."

"What do you want!" she demanded.

"Nothing. Here I am trying out me new ride and you are in the way" he sniffed, his jacket flapping back as his arms suddenly wind milled, then he corrected himself and let out a bray of laughter, "Wow. Did you see that? Almost flew without air brakes!"

"So. Where did you go?" Rose leaned against the fence for the front garden as he suddenly pirouetted like a dancer, his long limbs graceful as he put on a show, then came to a stop and his arms flapped to his sides, his face solemn.

"None of your business."

"Grump."

"No. Grup" he corrected, off again with glee, "Difference."

"And what is the difference ya nutta" she laughed.

"Grumps have an Mmmmmmmm in their attitude like they are always wondering if you need to know something. A Grup is just a big person" he explained as he now skated backwards, his hands clasped behind his back as he raised an eyebrow, getting further and further away as he rolled down the…

"Hey!" Rose was running after him, "Where are you going now?"

"Don't know" he called back, "The day is long and the time is…well. Whenever."

Then he squeaked as he landed in a hedgerow and she laughed as he finally caught him, helping him to his feet and he gripped her arms with a soft frown as he regarded the bush, "Damned things. They always have it in for me. You know, I rather think these are an alien breed in hiding amongst the natural flora of this planet. Sol 3 is far too welcoming. Killer plants. You know, full grown trees have leapt in front of me sometimes."

"Right" she said slowly.

"Come on, you are holding me up" he said as he let go, windmill and grabbed her again, "Hang on a sec. Hold me up will you?"

She resisted the urge to giggle as he lifted a foot and pulled some leaves from a back axel.

"OK, this way" he said and he now led her to the waiting TARDIS in a back garden. He then slapped at his chest and frowned, "Huh. Must have dropped it. You got yours? Oooooo, a virginal use of your key"

"Stop it" she scolded through giggles as she pulled out her TARDIS key and they were soon inside as he bounced around the console blathering and slapping at things like a monkey playing with it's own poo.

"Ew. That's gross. I told you, I am a Tiger. Rwar."

"Stop that, you did it again!" she gasped, "You are reading my mind!"

"No, you project" he shrugged, "not my fault you are such a negative Nelly."

"Am not!" she barked.

"Well then? To the star on the left and on 'til morning or whatever the hell it is? I know I should have paid attention when watching that one" he frowned, "GPa would know."

"Where is he anyway?" she asked as she settled on a sofa.

"Um… having dinner totally unaware that I have … borrowed….ah… well … she needed some air" he said defiantly with his chin jutting out, "Maybe I didn't lose my key, maybe he took it and thought he had bested me this time. So?"

"So. Come on, let's go" she flopped back as her friend started slapping at the console again.

"You know I have no idea what I am doing right? Neither does he. All show this, she already knows and is compiling a flight plan. This is just like…a toy for a child. One of those Simon Sez things where you have to slap the lights that flash. Terrible fun though."

"You are mad you are!"

'well, last time I called you were with him" he suddenly said, his face changing, "He's too old for you."

"Sez the man who is older than the house I live in"

He poked his tongue at her, "You sound like Jack when you say things like that. Come on little Rosebud, let's go find something to annoy him with later."

The TARDIs ground away happily with her two chicks inside, an adventure in the offering.

Have key … will travel.

Rose and Ianto … off on another adventure.

.

.

.

.

.

I rode my bicycle past your window last night  
I roller skated to your door at daylight  
It almost seems like you're avoiding me  
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need  
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates  
You got a brand new key  
I think that we should get together and try them out you see  
I been looking around awhile  
You got something for me  
Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates  
You got a brand new key  
I ride my bike, I roller skate, don't drive no car  
Don't go too fast, but I go pretty far  
For somebody who don't drive  
I been all around the world  
Some people say, I done all right for a girl  
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates  
You got a brand new key  
I think that we should get together and try them out you see  
I been looking around awhile  
You got something for me  
Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates  
You got a brand new key  
I asked your mother if you were at home  
She said, yes.. But you weren't alone  
Oh, sometimes I think that you're avoiding me  
I'm okay alone, but you've got something I need  
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates  
You got a brand new key  
I think that we should get together and try them out to see  
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la la  
Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates  
You got a brand new key

.

Brand New Key - Melanie


	13. "In The End"

Jack stood looking at Gwen with a moment of clarity.

She was so needy, so bloody needy as she stood there with her 'what about me' face on again. Jack didn't know when it had got like this, when the scales had first slid over his eyes but now he remembered. Now he was forced to see again and the world was just as dirty, nasty and putrid as the first time he arrived. He was still just a conman, now he could let go the mask. He had come here as a conman, left as someone seeking redemption in a blue box of promise and lies. How strangely fitting he stands here now about to leave knowing redemption is for those who are still capable of reaching an afterlife.

Him?

Well, Jack knows he can only hope for those spaces between … in the black where those claws click….click….click….Suzie had been right about that and it had broken his heart to know she had condemned herself to the black.

It's so cold there.

"Jack, please" Gwen whispered, her hands still cradling the bump like it might make a difference but Jack looked at her with the long ethos of time whispering in the back of his head that she was dead already. Her child….dead. This planet… dead…. Ianto…. Dead… dead….

Boe gasped awake in his jar and blinked as he looked around, a familiar sound making him sigh softly as the only one worth waking for came closer to the glass. He was surprised to see Martha, pleased though. A good friend, here with a good companion. He knew that things could be fixed, he might be able to rest.

Gods, the black called.

He eagerly gave what he had, screaming trough the last of his life and as he felt that spark fade he reached for that black, the silence.

He listened for the clicking.

Come on.

Come on.

Ticking, not clicking.

He opened his eyes and stared at the Novice blinking down at him with confusion as her rosary beads moved through her paw and he sighed.

"Don't' tell me. The Doctor has left, right?"

"Yes" she said slowly, now gasping as Jack rose to his feet and covered himself with his hands, "Sorry. Been a while since I've had a body."

Her eyes widened as she stared at him "Boe?"

"Hi. Captain Jack Harkness, also known as the face of Boe. Heh heh, bet you didn't think this was hiding in that big head right?" Jack grimaced, "Clothes? Novice Hame? Clothes?"

"Yes, my lord… yes."

She rushed off to comply as Jack slumped looking around as he lamented the short time he had been allowed … peace doesn't come to those condemned to live forever. Jack looked over the saved city and snorted, they didn't even know he existed.

In the end, it doesn't even matter anyway.

.

.

.

.

.

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
It starts with one  
 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
One thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme  
To explain in due time

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
All I know  
 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
All I know time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
It's so unreal  
 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
It's so unreal, didn't look out below  
Watch the time go right out the window  
Trying to hold on, did-didn't even know  
I wasted it all just to watch you go

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
Watch you go  
 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter

 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
One thing, I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme  
To remind myself how I tried so hard

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
I tried so hard  
 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
In spite of the way you were mocking me  
Acting like I was part of your property  
Remembering all the times you fought with me  
I'm surprised it got so far

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
Got so far  
 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me in the end

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
In the end  
 _[Mike Shinoda:]_  
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard

 _[Chester Bennington:]_  
I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this  
There's only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this  
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter


	14. Dusk Till Dawn

It's the dreams that get me.

You have to understand that.

I've seen things, things I will never talk about let alone admit to myself were memories and not just a nightmare scenario my brain created in the dark.

The first time it happened I didn't know I had even done it, calling out in the dark as I writhed in the bed. I didn't know he would hear me, the walls thinner than I first thought as I woke in his arms. He didn't speak, that seemed to help. He just… held me.

Strong arms that held me against his chest, his heart beating hypnotically as I calmed down from the memory of a place and time I never want to go back to. A place of death and ash.

The next time it happened I was vaguely aware of him, the weight making the bed dip as he clambered in, this time crooning softly like I was a spooked horse in need of calming. I must have said it out loud because a soft huff of laughter against my ear soothed.

That's how it started.

It became a thing I guess, me making room before I even settled for the night, my clothes carefully laid out for the next day, the laundry put aside and then the dip of the bed as he crawls up to lay between me and the wall.

I hit out you see, in my sleep and he knows I would rather cut my hand off than hit him. So, I lay there in the dark listening for his soft breath, smelling that spicy musk that is uniquely him and I drift.

It make is better.

Easier.

To be the man I have to be, the man I might have been if not for my shortcomings. I can stand suited and booted against the world, the bright light of day not making my shy away back to the shadows no matter how I might like to.

I can't.

But when he stands there commanding attention with that silent look of reproach. So handsome, so fresh that I can't help but see those heads turning for one more look as he storms past intent on killing something totally unaware that he is causing such a stir.

I wish I could be like him, so calm and self assured as my gut churns and I try to look more confident than I feel in these clothes, this set of armour that I wear to hide my poor foolish remains like I am still a real person.

But there, in the dark. In his strong, safe embrace I can be myself, let it all slide and he pets me with such a tenderness as he whispers soft affections that I know he will never say in the light. Out there in the real world where he is so huge … larger than life and so …. Damned fuckable.

But here in the dark he is mine.

My Welsh God.

.

.

.

.

When you hide next to me  
With your eyes up close to me  
I hear footsteps in the dark  
When you hijack my heart

Cool breeze down the hall  
I can feel you breathe  
Outside my door

Bang bang bang  
On the wall  
From dusk ' til dawn

Do do do do  
Do do do do

Bang bang bang  
On the wall  
From dusk ' til dawn

Do do do do  
Do do do do

Bang bang bang  
On the wall  
From dusk ' til dawn

When you sense you're not alone  
And the darkness starts to moan  
Who's there?

Shadows all around  
But you don't make a sound  
Voices in my head  
Playing like an echo, echo

Bang bang bang  
On the wall  
From dusk ' til dawn  
Do do do do  
Do do do do


	15. What about us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JennieBennie .... yes, I love this song too

Ianto stood there watching Jack storm off and he sighed, turning on his heel to look back down the hall at what still needed to be done. Once again Jack had put him in his place, back in the friend zone. Ianto wondered if it was ever going to change, this strange game they played of not addressing their relationship. So … he hates the word couple. Man that hurt too.

He knew about Alice and Stephen, of course he did. This seems to hurt as well, the implication that he might not. He is an Archivist for fucksake. Of course he knew. He knew many things he never told that man, thought they would have forever to do so but now…. Now Ianto felt the overbearing weight of time pressing down on him as Jack once again flounced off.

Put in his place.

Ianto walked through to watch Rhys and Gwen have a silent argument. Apparently the baby thing was going to continue being a problem for a while. Rhys would have to accept that Gwen was not about to become a shrinking violet.

Ianto watched them for a while and knew he would never have that level of commitment. He and Jack had plenty of silent glaring matches, don't get me wrong but…. Well. Ianto wondered if there was any love there at all. Was this some trap he had set? Did Jack feel cornered?

Ianto sat in the chair and swung as he tried to consider what to do.

Ianto knew they couldn't continue like this, he didn't want Jack to feel like he had to go through the motions of a loveless relationship. Owen had said he was just a fuck toy. Jack had been angered when he saw that on the CCTV playback, had taken Ianto by the arms and looked into his face as he promised they were something more.

No more games he has said.

Ianto swung again, his head falling back as he closed his eyes. Over everything.

Then lips touched his forehead, hands stalling the swing.

"Hey" Jack whispered, "Sorry about that. Wanna talk?"

"No" Ianto smiled, rising to follow him over to make coffee.

Ianto didn't want to talk it out, all of a sudden he feared that silent stares giving way to conversation might bring honesty.

What if Jack admitted he didn't love him?

God, what a way to die.

A broken heart bleeding all over his oxfords.

Ianto knew they were in danger but wanted to face something he could control.

Jack?

He knew Jack didn't love him.

Ianto didn't even think such a thing existed in a world where children were bartered like cattle.

Brew's up.

Jack's shouders slumped as he watched Ianto shut him out again.

.

.

.

.

Guess we've been talking too long  
We know what we need  
Separately

You say the honeymoon's over  
I don't wanna push  
But what about us?

It's ringing in my head  
It's not what you say  
It's what you have said

So What about us?  
What about love?  
What about saying  
That we'll never give up?  
Don't wanna blame you,  
We're in danger  
So What about us?

Guess we've been trying too hard  
We misunderstood  
What's good for us  
I'm tired emotionally inside  
Night after night,  
We fight till we cry

I don't know what's wrong or right?  
Is every word you say  
What's really on your mind?

So what about us?  
What about love?  
What about saying  
That we'll never give up?  
Don't wanna blame you  
We're in danger  
So what about us?

When we love, we lie  
When we talk, we hide  
Maybe I'm searching light  
I'm worn out,  
Confused  
What are we to you?  
What do we do when?  
What do we do when?

What about us?  
What about love?  
What about saying  
That we'll never give up?  
Don't wanna blame you  
But we're in danger

So what about us?  
What about love?  
That's the one thing we never discuss  
Don't wanna blame you  
But we're in danger  
What about us?  
Let's talk about us

Read more: John Barrowman - What About Us Lyrics | MetroLyrics


	16. Seen the Rain?

"Do not fall in love with me. I will take you to faraway places, kiss you under the moonlight of ancient planets, dance with you amongst the stars. You will experience things no other will ever know. You will never forget me, never look at the moon, or the stars without remembering that moment. You will never dance with another without feeling me in your arms. Do you not see? I will destroy you, my love will consume you like a fire… burn through your veins and leave you so scarred inside where no one else can see. When I leave you… and I will leave you … you will understand why Storms are named after people."

Jack felt something in his gut churn as he sat beside the Doctor, Rose's smile slipping slightly as the flower she was offering was lowered. She leaned back in her chair and sighed as she looked down at the flower now twirling in her hand.

"Why do you have to do that?" she sighed, "Put yourself down like that."

"I'm just stating fact dear" the Doctor shrugged, "I have been many things, done many things and I regret so many things. Rose, I beg of you. Let me take you home, let me give you a pass."

She looked at Jack and saw something in his eyes, something haunted as he glanced between them then he spoke, "Doctor. You keep talking like you are the rain. All you have ever given me is sunshine."

"No, Rose is the sun. I am the rain. Why we can never be" The Doctor sighed, then hiccupped as he glared at his empty cup. "Damn it."

"Another?" Jack offered, pouring a liberal amount of Hyper Vodka into the cup.

"I never get drunk" the Doctor informed them both, then looked up at the ceiling, "What was that? Did not!"

"Doctor. Have you ever seen it raining on a sunny day?" Jack asked gently, "I have. The smell of the sod, hot from the sun getting a kiss from the rain … a smell like pure life. The grass smells like it was freshly cut and you feel so alive."

The Doctor sighed softly, knowing these two would learn the hard way that he was not a gentle summer shower.

He wished he could be but one day his wrath would pound their soil back to bedrock.

It was his curse.

"You know … no relationship is all sunshine!"Jack suddenly blurted out, "The trick is to have an umbrella big enough to cover you both, then you survive the storm together."

The Doctor looked away as that voice in his head whispered that statement had been truer than they knew.

He looked up at the ceiling again and scolded the TARDIS "Stop it!"

.

.

.

.

**Seen The Rain? – Credence Clearwater revival**

Someone told me long ago  
There's a calm before the storm,  
I know  
It's been comin for some time.

When it's over, so they say,  
It'll rain a sunny day,  
I know  
Shinin down like water.

[Chorus:]  
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain  
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain  
Comin down on a sunny day

Yesterday, and days before,  
Sun is cold and rain is hard,  
I know  
Been that way for all my time.

'Til forever, on it goes  
Through the circle, fast and slow,  
I know  
It can't stop, I wonder.

Chorus

Yeah!

Chorus


	17. Growsome

Ianto felt Jack's eyes boring into him, knew the anger was not directed at him yet he felt the heat blasting through him like a nuclear event. Gods, he needed a nice cold glass of Brains.

Grow some balls, he told himself as he tried to find the knot to the ropes, his fingers failing him again. The time with the cannibals had scared him, him and Tosh spending time with one another honing their self defence and her knot skills were on par with the one he now had hold of, pinched between finger and thumb as he continued to stare at Jack, the thumping of his heart dulling, fading away until all that was left was her whisper in his ear.

_Grow some._

The rope was sliding, he could feel it, knew it in his blood, in his bones. He was almost…almost….

_Grow some._

Ianto saw Jack's eyes widen, Gwen rushing forward as she ignored everyone. Bumbling along like the silly bitch she always was and Ianto felt the rope loosen around his wrists.

Here we go. Here we go.

_Grow some._

Funny how in one moment you can see everything. Time is relative, isn't that the phrase? What is a single beat in time can be eternity? Ianto knew he was about to die, funnily he didn't want to. The Welsh failure who had been trying desperately to do just that one pint at a time while proving with his last breath that he had been worth forgiving …. He wanted to live.

_Grow some._

Well, he wanted to be more active in the field right? Be careful what you wish for. So bored, so .. stale with the coffee, filing and blow jobs … he had wanted to prove that sparing him when he had fucked up so badly was worth it, that he was worth … well.

_Grow some._

"Alright" Ianto growled as he got to his feet, still shaking from the empty click of the chamber, still trying to work out why he was spared when he knew that gun was loaded. He glanced at her and knew she had somehow done this, unable to save herself the poor calf had done what she could to save him.

Someone who really wasn't worth it ya know.

_Grow some._

Jack was yelling and Ianto spun to pursue his almost killer, his heart now beating a tattoo as a familiar feeling stated to come over him, that hot boil of something pushing… pushing… pushing…. Ianto was flying, his feet not even touching the ground as he seemed to move like a wraith, like a god, like Death. He felt a strange euphoria as the air crackled with the electricity of his power … the power of righteousness.

"Prey they live" he snarled as he touched the stun gun to the man's temple, the morbid satisfaction not just his as she laughed softly in the back of his mind, his hitchhiker pushing him again.

_Grow some._

I don't want to die, he thought softly, her voice echoing it then a sigh as she knew she had little choice. He did.

_Grow some._

Ianto had returned to the chamber, found Owen bereft as Gwen tried to smother Rhys with those boobs of hers and Jack was plastered against the Space Whale as he whispered softly, calming and trying to ease her as she started to die, drifting.

_Grow some._

"What" Ianto said softly, not sure what else he could do to prove himself.

_Grow some love._

Her eyes glassed over as she let go, the hum in his head dying as Jack turned to look at him. It was clear he had heard her too and he surged forward, seizing Ianto and holding him tightly.

"I almost lost you, gods he pulled the trigger didn't he" Jack finally replayed things and saw what had happened as Ianto relaxed against him.

Gods, he needed a drink.

.

.

.

Growsome – Blue Gillespie.

.

All is won to lose again  
Gaining strength to use all up  
Winning battles to lose the war  
I can't smile falsely anymore  
Pretending life is full and dear  
Born of safety death I fear  
Fear to breath to be myself

Why can't I stop this lie?  
Why can't I thought I try  
Tell me why, I tell lies  
Why can't I grow some heavy balls?

Enraged I lay myself  
Down to her to do her will  
I grind my teeth I ask myself  
Where's the life the love the thrill?  
You suck the blood right out of me  
This isn't how it's meant to be  
A shadow of the man I dreamt

Why can't I stop this lie?  
Why can't I thought I try  
Tell me why, I tell lies  
Why can't I grow some heavy balls?

Boredom weighs on empty days  
Anger kills the waning will  
Anguish hangs like pointed fangs  
Grow them, grow them  
Grow them, grow them  
Grow them

Not long now before I go into the dark infinite  
Don't want to kill myself no more  
I'm useless, weak, a fucking whore,  
Alky fuck, dependent mess  
I should be shot I should have less  
Last chance now to be a man  
So watch me grow these heavy balls

Suck on mine, stuck on mine  
Suck on mine, suck em dry  
Suck on mine, Suck on mine  
Suck on my massive fucking balls

Boredom weighs empty days  
Anger kills weaning will  
Anguish hangs pointed fangs  
Fate is touched twisting guts  
Grow them big  
Not long now 'fore I go  
Into dark infinite  
Can't kill myself no more  
Useless weak fucking whore  
Alky dependent mess  
Should be shot should have less  
Last chance to be a man  
Watch em grow big and bold  
Suck on my suck on my  
Suck on my suck on my  
Suck on my suck on my  
Suck on my suck on my  
Suck em dry

This is on Youtube … dark and heavy ... just right for a storming Ianto killer machine …jenniebennie how was this love?


	18. Unbreak My Heart

Another rainy night in Cardiff, the stars hidden and the world so black it might have been an apocalypse … wait. Scratch that. It had been, right? Just our luck to survive a soul eating monster only to drown in the universe's tears for our betrayal.

Ianto looked at the screen and sighed as he watched the space ship on the edge of the screen tracking slowly away from them, adjusting his stance so his back might not complain so much. The Weevil had been overly vicious, a young buck in the throes of excitement as a cow somewhere nearby had been in heat. The claws had sunk deep and it had been a release of some sort, being able to weep from the pain and say the weevil attack was the cause.

Owen had been overly excited wanting them both and not Ianto wondered is he should have just let them eat Owen. After all … this was partly his fault. Opening the fucking thing, betraying Jack, letting Abaddon loose, betraying Jack, damaging the coffee machine that morning so they had to go out for coffee and therefore missed Jack's exit…. Betraying Jack.

Tosh had been kind, her hand squeezing his arm before moving away to call her majesty. You know. Queen Bitchface Gwenzilla.

Ianto felt that prickle behind his eyes and he blinked to relieve them as well, the contacts stinging after being in so long but he didn't have the luxury of taking them out, the double shift necessary as Gwen refused to work night shifts since the fucking engagement. Like suddenly she was spun glass.

Bitch.

All happy and shit.

Like a pig in shit.

Oink.

Ianto like that, considered her wallowing in mud, wailing as pig shit slid into that cleavage a bloody cat would get lost in … he-he …he….

Ianto checked the numbers again, his mind calculating and finding the vessel well within the safe zone allowed by the shadow proclamation. He pulled a chair over and settled, glancing to the bunker hatch before he could stop himself like Jack might pop up and ask if they were still on screen. Ianto slept there each down time. He lay down there mourning the fact the scent was fading, scolding himself for not snap-locking the pillow or something.

But he was gone.

Ianto let his hand stroke his knee, let his fingertips feel the fabric of his least liked suit. The last one HE liked.

He wasn't coming back was he.

Ianto felt that prickle again and he cleared his throat, blinking again.

"What?" Owen made him jump, he forgotten he was asleep down in the med-bay, he had popped up when Ianto really didn't want his crowing. That kiss…. That kiss had been everything and now he was gone.

Bye – bye sucker.

"The air filters need changing" Ianto croaked, "I have it on the to-do list. All that dust from the … thing."

"They gone?"

"Almost, tracking around the moon" Ianto sighed and Owen frowned, pointing to his side.

"How's the burn?"

"Almost gone too" Ianto lied, preferring the heat of the injury to that in his chest. That mashed up pulp that was a heart once upon a time.

"Fuck, is it still raining up there?" Owen asked, "Is it ever gonna stop?"

"Don't know" Ianto replied, "Maybe it's grieving."

Owen looked at him weirdly and went to speak, then snorted "What is?"

"The cosmos"

"I'll spell you" Owen said as he motioned for him to fuck off and Ianto rose from the chair hiding the bite of pain.

"Good, need a whizz" Ianto said as he walked quickly and calmly down to the lower level loos where Owen wouldn't go. He then settled for the usual 3am crying jag.

He wasn't coming back was he.

.

.

.

Don't leave me in all this pain  
Don't leave me out in the rain  
Come back and bring back my smile

Come and take these tears away  
I need your arms to hold me now, the nights are so unkind  
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Unbreak my heart  
Say you'll love me again  
Undo this hurt you caused  
When you walked out the door

And walked outta my life  
Uncry these tears  
I cried so many nights  
Unbreak my heart, my heart

Take back that sad word good bye  
Bring back the joy to my life  
Don't leave me here with these tears

Come and kiss this pain away  
I can't forget the day you left, time is so unkind  
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Unbreak my heart  
Say you'll love me again  
Undo this hurt you caused  
When you walked out the door

And walked outta my life  
Uncry these tears  
I cried so many nights  
Unbreak my heart, my heart

Ohh, oh, don't leave me in all this pain  
Don't leave me out in the rain  
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Unbreak my heart  
Say you'll love me again  
Undo this hurt you caused  
When you walked out the door

And walked outta my life  
Uncry these tears  
I cried so many nights  
Unbreak my heart, my heart

Unbreak my, unbreak my heart, oh baby  
Come back and say you love me  
Unbreak my heart, sweet darlin'  
Without you I just can't go on, can't go on


	19. Owl and the Pussycat

So, I know the Owl and the Pussycat is not a song so much as a poem but it has been sung and I had it stuck in my head. Ronald Corp sang it on his album and it strikes me as something Jack would sing in the same voice to be bloody annoying at eleven at night or something. Find it on Youtube .. it is annoying. Also, Bladesinger Verse deserved a wee spot I think, this is set early on before the baby.

.

.

Ianto looked at Jack with that frown he always wore where he didn't agree with a decision Jack had made yet didn't want to say so. Jack grinned as he powered down the River Queen II and felt the boat slow, and then find an easy drift as they sat in the open water between Cardiff Port and the Island ahead. It was late and Ianto knew Giff would not go down for Owen. The little alien was partial to Ianto's soft crooning. Gods, he was getting attached. As per usual he was going to break his heart when the rescue ship came.

"You are a little quiet today" Jack said after a while, "All day in fact. Even Owen noticed and you know … it takes him a while to notice anything that isn't food or a corpse."

"Perhaps I have been half dead today then" came a droll reply and Jack stifled a snort of amusement at the dower mood his lover was in this lovely night.

"Come on, look around you" Jack threw his arms wide, "We have a beautiful night. Stars, the moon …"

"The cold, the damp…"

"Come on Tiger" Jack crooned as he moved closer and Ianto looked up at him with open annoyance.

"Jack, I've been going since three am yesterday morning. The last thing I wanted was a wee jaunt around the bay this time of night" Ianto complained, "We are not all night owls like you!"

"Awwww, the Owl and the Pussycat" Jack said with glee, "Oh Ianto, do you really think we are?"

"Gug?"Ianto went to give a retort but the kiss was searingly hot … enough for the chill in the air to be forgotten for a moment as Ianto sank into the embrace forgiving his insane mate, as always.

Gods he was tired though.

"Come on Kitty, one last job and I will give you a good rub down with some smelly lavender oil or something" Jack gleefully leapt to the controls and powered up as Ianto sighed softly. He hated lavender. Fucksake.

"Ianto, you are so dashingly cute sitting there in the moonlight" Jack said as they neared Flat Holm, "You can take my breath away at times."

"Don't be silly" Ianto scoffed, secretly pleased at the unexpected comment and he blushed happily knowing the dark would hide it.

Jack watched the blush and hid his grin, "You know, Henry has some of his jewellery for us to take back. Apparently he found a new design."

"Really?" Ianto perked up at the mention of their lovely huge black nurse who was also a wonderful artist and they regularly took his work to sell on the mainland for him. Being the kind man he was, he was also apt to giving back some proceeds of his sales in the from of gifts to the other inma…er… residents. Ianto knew there would be a list for toys and such. Good thing he liked shopping, eh?

Henry was waiting, Jack calling out as Ianto threw the rope "Ah, Nurse Swinette, how are you this…. Oh shit. Swine."

Ianto turned as Jack stared at Henry and started to giggle, Ianto frowning at his weird behaviour and he wondered if he had been drinking, "Sorry, he's in one of his moods."

"Sez him" Jack said happily while clambering off the boat to stand before Henry.

"Swinette. That's little Swine right? A girly pig?" Jack asked and Henry gave a rare frown, showing the usually calm man was a little miffed as well.

"He doesn't mean it as an insult, he has this entire Owl and Pussycat mood going. Apparently I'm a cat since he calls me Tiger, he's the Owl since he is a bloody night owl, and the boat would have a green hull wouldn't it to feed his juvenile…. Ekk…." Jack seized Ianto's arm and yanked him along the boardwalk.

"Come on, I wanna see the new design!" Jack demanded and they were soon staring at the jewellery as Henry opened the boxes to show them.

"This one I carved from the jaw of a dolphin. This….ah. captain, that one was a piece of black obsidian I found on the beach. So fine, I was sure it would break but it seems to be strong." Henry watched Jack hold up the plain black band with the shots if glitter in it.

"Quartz. Looks like stars" Jack said softly and Ianto leaned in letting his long blue locks shift around his face.

"Oh, that is pretty" Ianto whispered as he reached out and Jack grabbed his hand, sliding the ring on, "Oh. Fits."

"Lovely fingers, you" Jack said as he moved the hand, "Look at that. Ha."

Ianto slid the ring off again, handing it back then tuning as Helen motioned from the doorway "Excuse me, I shall see to the gorgeous woman wanting to lead me astray."

She gigged as she slapped at him and he wandered after her to see the latest list of necessaries.

Jack watched his lover disappear, those long blue locks seeming to wave goodbye and he sighed. Bladesinger are so bloody withheld.

"Henry, look" Jack said as he drew something from his pocket and rolled back the folded cloth to show Henry a little china doll. Henry's eyes widened and his fingers fluttered as he plucked it up with wonder. "Penny. Her collector's card said her name is Penny. Do you have her in your collection?"

Henry squealed and hugged her to his huge chest, "Ahhhh, pretty baby."

Jack grinned as he slid the ring into his pocket. Fair deal.

He went in search of his love and found him talking to ….

_Ag gods. Gonna pee meself if I don't get a grip!_

"Jock, you bubbly thing you" Jack chortled as he came along side the man and gave him a hug, Jock blinking as he looked at Jack.

"Did you just call me a turkey Mon?" the Scott demanded with annoyance, "Yer know a Bubbly Jock is a fecken Turkey."

Ianto sighed.

"Come on" Jack said to Ianto, "its fate. Come on, a midnight picnic and some stargazing?"

"You have that ring don't you" Ianto accused, "Jack, if you keep this up I will not let you read anymore bedtime stories to the Gerfillot."

"A Gerfillot?" Jock gasped, "One survived the fall? Shit, rarity. So child-like those ones."

"Yeah, a ship is passing this way next week and can pick it up, until then we ware babysitting the little gem" Jack gushed, "Ianto is so sweet with it. A wee front pack and everything. Like a tiny green baby."

"With teeth" Ianto added.

"Owen's own fault" Jack defended the mite, "He did poke it first."

Ianto rolled his eyes. If mince was dished for the evening meal he might shoot someone. At least he knew there were not quinces in the bloody place. They headed to the dining room and Jack squealed as Sporks were placed out. You know … a spoon with fork tines.

"Look! A Renuncible fork" Jack waved it at him with glee, "You know what this means."

"I must stab your eye out with one?"

"Ouch, Tiger" Jack pouted, "Really … ouch. Parenthood has made you so grumpy."

"Give it to me" Ianto demanded, holding out his hand and Jack placed the ring in the palm, watching as Ianto shoved it onto a finger and then started to eat the…. Fucking mince.

Jack hummed.

Ianto vowed to burn the fucking book of nursery thymes.

Then he admired his new ring for a while as Jack adored him across the table.

Silly …. Lovely man.

Good thing they can't have kids.

Right?

.

.

.

.

.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea  
In a beautiful pea-green boat:  
They took some honey,  
and plenty of money  
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.

The Owl looked up to the stars above,  
And sang to a small guitar,  
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,  
What a beautiful Pussy you are,  
You are,  
You are!  
What a beautiful Pussy you are!"

Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant fowl,  
How charmingly sweet you sing!  
Oh! let us be married;  
too long we have tarried:  
But what shall we do for a ring?"  
They sailed away, for a year and a day,  
To the land where the bong-tree grows;  
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,  
With a ring at the end of his nose,  
His nose,  
His nose,  
With a ring at the end of his nose.

"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling  
Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will."  
So they took it away, and were married next day  
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.  
They dined on mince and slices of quince,  
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;

And hand in hand on the edge of the sand  
They danced by the light of the moon,  
The moon,  
The moon,  
They danced by the light of the moon.


	20. Somebody Bring Me Some Water

 

So, this is a song I love singing, I have the voice and the temper for it … this and another I might do for another story here are the Karaoke songs my friends ask for. Future/Past Verse gifted to me by PCJANTO to finish and alter is the Verse I choose to give this song to.

.

.

.

Ianto was on a slow smoulder.

He felt it in his bones like a sunburn in reverse, trying to burn him from the inside out as he watched Gwen reach out to pat Jack's cheek. Jack's loving look was almost too much to bear.

He knew Josh was OK at Rhiannon's and whatever this was, he would shake it off sooner or later but right now in this particular moment he wanted to kill the bitch.

The purple lacy knickers in his pocket itched through the fabric of his trousers, as if hot coals were searing into his flesh and although he was now fully himself and aware of the fact she was playing a dangerous game Jack had been too blinkered to see, he was still hurt to see HIS husband look at someone else with the same level of affection that was his.

I guess it goes back to the early days, those infidelities before Jack understood the 'share/don't share' thing. He had promised to never love another, had knelt and clutched at his hands whole begging him to be is life. His world. The baby in his gut lovingly kissed as Ianto bemoaned the stretch marks. Josh had made them a family and Ianto knew Jack loved him, needed him and it was with surprise that Ianto wondered if he really needed Jack. He had then.

Now ….

Jack was totally stupefied by the bitch.

But Ianto wasn't.

Oh no. He was awake. He was aware now and firing on all cylinders. If she wasn't careful he would fire on her as well.

Jack glanced over and looked contrite as if knowing Ianto was pissed, then he started to walk over with his hands in his pockets, "And how are you Mister Jones?"

Ianto bit back the 'Harkness-Jones' report and instead looked at his feet, as he had once done in the company of his mate. Back before he knew he was stronger than him.

If only he knew. If only they saw the tiger moving behind Ianto's' eyes, the ancient blood seething through his soul as the voice in the back of his head screamed with righteous rage. The Welsh Dragon waking to an unwelcome dawn. The heat threatened to flame the entire cavernous Hub as Owen swung on the back legs of his chair, covertly watching. He knew. He was also frowning at Gwen and it gave Ianto strange comfort.

It was so easily done, the coffee spilt down the breasts of the bitch and she yodelled as she leapt to her feet, pulling at the blouse that was clearly now stained. Her bra now on display as she frantically tried to remove the blouse in order to save it. Of course she would, it had cost a bloody fortune in an attempt to woo Jack.

Ah. Purple bra.

There it is.

The other half of the set.

Check mate bitch!

Ianto was going to enjoy this …. Hope the bitch burns.

He causally reached into his pocket and held out the knickers with finger and thumb.

Here's the match.

He went for a glass of cool clear water.

Hopefully it will quench the fire in his heart.

.

.

.

.

Bring me some water - Melissa Etheridge

.

Tonight I feel so weak  
But all in love is fair  
I turn the other cheek  
And I feel the slap and the sting of the foul night air  
And I know you're only human  
And I haven't got talking room  
But tonight while I'm making excuses  
Some other woman is making love to you

Somebody bring me some water  
Can't you see I'm burning alive  
Can't you see my baby's got another lover  
I don't know how I'm gonna survive  
Somebody bring me some water  
Can't you see it's out of control  
Baby's got my heart and my baby's got my mind  
But tonight the sweet Devil's got my soul

When will this aching pass  
When will this night be through  
I want to hear the breaking glass  
I only feel the steel of the red hot truth  
And I'd do anything to get it out of my mind  
I need some insanity that temporary kind  
Tell me how will I ever be the same  
When I know that woman is whispering your name

Somebody bring me some water  
Can't you see I'm burning alive  
Can't you see my baby's got another lover  
I don't know how I'm gonna survive  
Somebody bring me some water  
Can't you see it's out of control  
Baby's got my heart and my baby's got my mind  
But tonight the sweet Devil's got my soul

Oh, the Devil's got my soul

Somebody bring me some water  
Can't you see I'm burning alive  
Can't you see my baby's got another lover  
I don't know how I'm gonna survive  
Somebody bring me some water  
Can't you see it's out of control  
Baby's got my heart and my baby's got my mind  
But tonight the sweet Devil's got my soul


	21. Bloodstone

 

_He knelt in the muck and madness taking deep breaths, the fight had been fierce as had been the gunfire that necessitated it. He had blood on his hands, the woman he had tried to save long gone, as were those he had been barricaded with._

_Now he was pissed as he stumbled to his feet and looked around at the chaos. People were screaming, their deaths choking off with the black acrid smoke as those further down succumbed to the heat._

_This is would hell would feel like …. If he ever got there._

_Small comfort knowing that is not likely to happen anytime soon._

_Right?_

_People were dying, the stench of death thick in the air as those who were unwilling to accept their fate tried to fight back in vain, always in vain. You can't beat these metal monsters you know. It was a battleground, not one of wide sweeping fields like on the old times, no this one was being fought around corridors and down stairwells. This one was being lost._

_Humans were kneeling one way or another as the invaders calmly cut them down and he sighed, running his hand over his face as he tried to work out where he was. Where he needed to be to keep his promise._

_Loyalty._

_Gods, always comes back to loyalty doesn't it, like a bloody per dog here he is panting as he tries to fetch a bloody stick through shark infested waters. You know … like that. Stupid._

_He had a moment of wonder._

_Silence._

_He looked around and wondered if he was the last one left, the only soul surrounded by ash._

_He started to run but the corridors lengthened and no matter how he tried he couldn't get there in time … he couldn't …. He screamed_

" _DON'T"_

.

.

.

.

He woke.

Jesus, that one was vivid. His heart was beating so hard it hurt like someone was punching him in the chest. He remembered that day, the smell and the fear. The horror, the loss. Ah gods, so much loss.

And that sound...the whirring sound that told him all he had fought for was gone anyway.

He rolled to his side and saw his bed mate in repose, an arm thrown above his head as he slumbered, his own chest moving gently as his own sleep. Like a babe, no worries or bad dreams there. He smiled as he wondered if he dreamed at all and if so was he in any of them?

Life was hard, harder when you survived while those around you fell. They fell and you failed.

This planet is a big graveyard ya know, full of ash and pain and…. His bed mate sighed as he rolled, hands searching and soon the lovers were entwined, lips brushing together, then bruisingly hard as they rolled and wrestled.

He had woken him with his musing.

Life goes on.

Yeah, he has some more to give if only for this man who holds him so tenderly while simultaneously squeezing another day, another moment, another breath from him.

Like blood from a stone.

He can bleed for this man.

In this little cot under a secret base while a world turns.

This big rock … she bleeds too.

Just like his poor stupid heart.

Loyal.

.

.

.

.

Now I know you will all wonder if that was Jack or Ianto awakened by the dream … I guess the only real answer is that it could have been either of them. Both were born of death were they not? One on a Station and another in a tower?

.

.

.

.

**Bloodstone by Guy Sebastian**

This is a burning house, but we should stay inside  
Cause something's telling me that we should stay and fight  
I know it's gonna take a lot to change your mind  
But baby, put your white flag down, I'm rolling up my sleeves right now

Oh no, I'm not afraid to bleed  
Work my hands to the bone  
More words are not what you need  
I let my labour show  
Can't do it on my own, I need you to believe  
So please, please, squeeze  
Cause there's more in this bloodstone  
Yeah, there's more in this bloodstone

There's a version of me I need to bring to light  
I'm really not that asshole that I was last night  
I tend to mess up every good thing in my life  
I'll make it up to you somehow, so let me get to work right now

Oh no, I'm not afraid to bleed  
Work my hands to the bone  
More words are not what you need  
I let my labour show  
Can't do it on my own, I need you to believe  
So please, please, squeeze  
Cause there's more in this bloodstone

I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you  
So let me get to work right now  
I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you  
So let me get to work right now  
I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you  
So let me get to work right now  
I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you  
I'm gonna come through somehow  
I'm gonna come through somehow  
I'm gonna come through somehow  
Oh no, I'm not afraid to bleed

Oh no, I'm not afraid to bleed  
Work my hands to the bone  
More words are not what you need  
I let my labour show  
Can't do it on my own, I need you to believe  
So please, please  
Cause there's more in this bloodstone

I know, I know, that there's more in this bloodstone  
Believe me, believe me, that there's more in this bloodstone  
I know and you know, that there's no walking away  
Ah yeah, there's more in this bloodstone


	22. That Don't Impress Me Much

**So, this one is the start of Walter Verse … like a Prequel chap?**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Seriously?" Owen asked with surprise, "I thought you two would hit it off no probs."

"He was such a know-it-all" Jack sighed "Would you believe he actually quoted fucking Shakespeare?"

"Really" Owen sighed as he shook his head, he worried that Jack would never find someone.

"Shakespeare" Jack repeated with horror, "Not exactly a cuddly thing either with that skinny body, that look of distain and this suit that was…was…. Gods. I can't stand someone who is a bloody walking factorum"

.

.

.

.

"So … what was wrong with this one then?" Tosh asked as she watched Ianto coo and cluck while he settled Walter on the sofa for a little sleep.

"Oh gods, date from hell!" Ianto sighed as he looked over at her with a roll of his eyes "I'm telling ya … so vain. Kept going to the loo and coming back with different hair styles, I shit you not little one, it was scary. A reflection in the pepper and salt shakers sent her into some sort of lovefest, I swear. She almost creamed herself when she saw herself in the glass windows as we rose to leave."

"Bum"

"Yeah, that wasn't much either" Ianto frowned then sighed, "I could never be with someone who checked out their own reflection in fucking windows. I almost put a towel in the seat before she got into the car for fear of her marking the leather. Must have been like a snail trail, I'm still too scared to look. I can't stand openly randy people."

.

.

.

.

"So?" John watched Jack stalk about his apartment like a caged animal.

"Well OK, it was a nice car, an Austin Martin like a James Bond thing … Jesus wept. I was scared to touch the bloody door handle for fear of marking it and I shit you not, she ran around rubbing it down once I got in."

"Woman likes cars, nice to see a woman having pride in her wheels" John said calmly as Jack turned to face him.

"John, come on. Can you imagine me with someone so stuck up that they love their vehicle? Give it a fucking name like a pet?" Jack snorted.

John grimaced.

He was never getting laid was he.

.

.

.

.

"Come on, there has to be someone out there for you" Tosh argued as Rhiannon nodded her agreement, Walter sitting in her lap playing with her beads.

"Oh come on, they are either taken or gay" Ianto sighed, both women laughing at the way Ianto was glaring at the cup of tea he had just poured, "Maybe I should go to the dark side instead of just taking the shade now and then."

"Oh come on, the only fella you only had a thing for was Elvis!" Rhiannon laughed, "And he was bloody dead already. Necrophilia that is."

"Gay necrophilia, an entirely new level of hell for us darlink" Ianto camped as they all laughed at his silliness.

Ianto and his love of Elvis, especially that hip thrust.

.

.

.

.

"Come on Jack, it's not that bad" Gwen laughed as Jack slumped theatrically on the sofa in the canteen and declared himself undesirable.

"Look, I would shag you, no hesitation" Gwen crooned in a baby voice, "You are sooooo cute and fuckable Yeahhhhh"

"Fuck off"

"Come on, maybe we could try it? Like a Tarzan and Jane thing? I like Tarzan, you can swing off my bedpost anytime" she poked at him with a foot and he growled as he rolled away muttering that she was with Rhys and she knew he didn't cut another man's grass.

"I hate that phrase" she pouted.

.

.

.

.

.

"Come on Ianto" Tosh begged, "Please don't give up."

"Look, bar Uhura or Captain Kirk himself appearing in my bedroom buck naked covered in Tribbles I doubt very much these will ever get to see the light of day" Ianto sighed as he shoved another pair of sexy lace knickers into the box, "Thank the gods Rhiannon never found my little collection. All going to Oxfam. I give up."

"Captain Kirk?" she blinked, "Wait. A man? You were being serious about that?"

Ianto looked over at her as his hands found the string vest and he flicked that one back into the closet.

.

.

.

.

"Come on Jack" Gwen called out "We have another mugging downtown, fella's been shot apparently.

"Bang bang Partner" Jack drawled with a wink.

.

.

.

.

Ianto sat on the gurney and blinked as he wondered to himself where all the cowboys had gone, John Wayne would not have stood for this shit.

"How long before we can talk to him?" An American? Here in Cardiff?

Ianto opened his eyes and looked over at the man talking to the doctor just outside the curtain. As someone opened the ER doors a breeze whistled in, causing the curtains to sway, and Ianto got a good look at the man waiting to question him.

Tall, maybe even taller than him. Dark hair, spiky and straight. Clean cut and well-polished. The old WWII greatcoat set him apart. His boots were big and Ianto wondered … Stop it!

That don't impress me much!

Honest!

.

.

.

.

.

**"That Don't Impress Me Much"**

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart  
But you've got being right down to an art  
You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall  
You're a regular original, a know-it-all  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist  
That don't impress me much  
So you got the brain but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night  
That don't impress me much

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket  
And a comb up his sleeve-just in case  
And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it  
'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt  
That don't impress me much  
So you got the looks but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night  
That don't impress me much

You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine  
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in  
I can't believe you kiss your car good night  
C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right!

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you've got a car  
That don't impress me much  
So you got the moves but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

That don't impress me much  
You think you're cool but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night  
That don't impress me much

Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something...  
Oo-Oh-Oh  
That don't impress me much!

Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-No  
Alright! Alright!

You're Tarzan!  
Captain Kirk maybe.  
John Wayne.  
Whatever!  
That don't impress me much!


	23. Piece By Piece

 

Jack was laughing as Lola clung to his back, her teeth flashing in the sunlight as he galloped about on his hands and knees.

Out of nowhere Ianto remembered his own father doing the same thing, he must have been … six? He sighed as he remembered his mother too, her face serene was she had stood at the clinic and signed the papers that made Ianto Militarial and then she had knelt to kiss him. He now knew she was dying, the life his father had inflicted in her so harsh and her body was giving out. Her last act of love had been to let him go. Six. Yes, he had been six years old. Orphaned. Left in the gutter.

Ianto could hear the engines of the huge craft cycling up as his father had walked away, straight backed and officious like he was going off to war, not to his mistress hanging out of the door with her tits flashing, shouting for him to hurry. His mother had begged for him to stay, had reminded him that she needed someone to have Ianto but the curt 'Militarial' had been heard thought the wall of the house and Ianto had known his life as a civilian was over long before his broken-hearted mother took him there to the clinic where they had asked for his return for years. He knew what he had cost, one of the things they had argued about, the cost to create such a disappointment.

Jack was now on the ground screaming like she was killing him, Logan wandering past with a roll of his eyes as he sought Franklin for a cuddle. Ianto's' eyes went back to his mate, laughing as he rose with the girl under his arm, looking at Ianto with silent question.

Ianto nodded to show he was OK, touched that even then in the middle of madness Jack sought him out.

A good man.

A good mate.

A good father.

They did exist.

Ianto fingered the letter in his pocket, then knew it would find the same place as the last three he had received in as many years. He had seen him across the quad one day, a grown man looking at another with … raw hope only to have his father look right through him like he wasn't there. Didn't exist. Maybe his chest didn't have enough medals, maybe his uniform was not of high enough rank? These things plagued Ianto for years. He didn't need this man in his life, this leaver, this adulterer, this…. Absentee father. No, he didn't need that man now, not like he did then.

Franklin called out to him, Logan in his arms as he walked towards him and Ianto knew a hug was coming, settling for it as Franklin kissed his cheek and whispered that he was going to make some sandwiches for the bubs.

Yes.

He had all the love he needed from a father, and his mate was showing him and his children what a real father was.

Ianto flicked the letter into the flames, watching it curl and turn to ash like his childhood pain.

He went back outside to the sunshine and laughter.

His family were waiting for him

.

.

.

.

**"Piece By Piece"**

And all I remember is your back  
Walking towards the airport, leaving us all in your past  
I traveled fifteen hundred miles to see you  
Begged you to want me, but you didn't want to

But piece by piece he collected me  
Up off the ground where you abandoned things, yeah  
Piece by piece he filled the holes  
That you burned in me at six years old  
And you know,  
He never walks away  
He never asks for money,  
He takes care of me  
He loves me  
Piece by piece he restored my faith  
That a man can be kind and a father could... stay

And all of your words fall flat  
I made something of myself and now you wanna come back  
But your love—it isn't free, it has to be earned  
Back then I didn't have anything you needed so I was worthless

But piece by piece he collected me  
Up off the ground, where you abandoned things, yeah  
Piece by piece he filled the holes  
That you burned in me at six years old  
And you know,  
He never walks away  
He never asks for money,  
He takes care of me  
'Cause he loves me  
Piece by piece he restored my faith  
That a man can be kind and a father could stay

Piece by piece _[6x]_

Piece by piece I fell far from the tree  
I will never leave her like you left me  
And she will never have to wonder her worth  
Because unlike you I'm going to put her first  
And you know,  
He'll never walk away,  
He'll never break her heart  
He'll take care of things,  
He'll love her  
And piece by piece he'll restore my faith  
That a man can be kind and a father should be great

Piece by piece

By Kelly Clarkson


	24. Cold Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Meretrizvilis

My beloved Crumbly Cakes had conquered yet another year so this one is for her … Love you darlink xxxxxx

.

.

.

Cold Water

Steve knew this was going to hurt, tumbling head over heels from the wing of the plane into the overflowing storm water drain that was currently… pardon the pun …. A raging torrent that immediately seized him and slammed him to the bottom, holding him with its weight.

Bloody hell, why do these things always happen to him?

He fought as hard as he could, his shield long gone and as he took a lungful of water he wondered what it was about cold water that seemed to want to devour him all the time.

The hand that came through the murk and seized his forearm was familiar and he seized hold, feeling the power in that arm that pulled his arm out of its socket as he was heaved out of the wash pool and he saw the sunlight approaching, his gasp of air explosive.

He found himself on his hands and knees vomiting dirty water as Bucky kept watch with a Bowie knife in his hand. "Lost my rifle again. Your shield?"

"Still on the flight deck" Steve coughed out, "Dropped it when the engine exploded while she was lifting off."

"Come on, we need to warm you up" Bucky snapped, turning to walk off and Steve grunted as he rose to stagger after him, slamming his shoulder into the tree to pop it back into its socket with a grunt of pain.

There was no sign of the plane or those on board and he hoped there wouldn't be, he really hoped he had put them all at the bottom of the middle of the river back there. Cold. He glanced back and saw the tail of the plane lift for a moment before it disappeared once more into the murky depths.

Good riddance.

He find Bucky standing in front of an old hunter's cabin, it looked beaten and sad but intact, at least they would be out of the rain that had made the dam to spill into the river anyway.

"We can't afford a fire, smoke will give us away from the air, our body heat is enough for us without letting the infrared satellite seek us out" Bucky strode over to the bunk beds and simply tore the top one off to expose the bottom one, "get your wet things off and get in."

Steve was too cold to give a shit but complied, that soldier's mind obeying an order automatically and he was soon naked in the bed as Bucky flapped the blankets free of dust then laid them over him. Then Steve watched with shock as Bucky removed his own clothing and clambered in, the arm clinking on the floor beside the bed, "The metal is cold."

Steve grunted.

Bucky clutched at him and Steve was mildly amused to find his head nestled in Bucky's shoulder with the stump for a pillow, Bucky's only hand pulling the covers over them both again.

"Thanks" he slurred, those lips against his forehead also soothing as Bucky hushed him.

Steve woke to that wonderful warm feeling of a cuddle and he sighed as he nuzzled in, Bucky's hand stoking his cheek as he whispered softly that everything was OK, the storm was holding and there was no way anyone would come hunting for them, all tracks washed away.

Steve sighed, nuzzling some more and Bucky chuffed softly as he hugged him tighter, "You always were a morning kinda guy."

"I like waking up" Steve mumbled.

Lips, warm and soft against his as Bucky kissed him and Steve found himself responding to him as they rolled in the bed, "Shit"

They snorted with mirth as the corner leg of the bed gave way, the bed sloping to the left as Steve slammed against the wall, giggling now as they tried to get out of the bedding.

The cold whoosh of air startled them both and they spun, a single blanket clutched between them as someone staggered in through the door, another one pushing them, "For the love of coffee move will ya?"

The man in the lead looked at the two naked men and grunted, "Shit."

The man behind him looked as well, blinking with annoyance, "Well shit outside sir, get out of me feckin' way!"

"Why Mister Jones, such a potty mouth" came a soft chortle.

"Jack, me balls are cold and I am not about to let you warm them up, you hear?" Ianto snarled, "Let me get some heat in here."

"Jack?"

Steve…. Shit a Vauxhall and call it a mini. Steve!" Jack surge forward, "Good to see you, must be what….. shit. A hundred? No, not that much… sorry, Ianto?"

"Almost eighty years if the files are right. Bet he would have found the bloody Berillian Spaceship by now but no….nooooo….it's under that feckin' water and who gets to slip in? Huh? Who do ya feckin' think gets to get so fucking wet that….ah…" Ianto said as he rustled around in the sack and then pull out something, clicking some buttons and then sat it in the middle of the cabin. "Three, two…"

A soft musical hum started and then this blast of heat filled the space.

"Don't worry, alien Tec. Infrared can't detect it" Jack plonked on the bed and snorted, "Look at this, wreaked it. Steve… remember that time…"

"Muskrat!" Ianto barked and everyone jumped, the two men who had been interrupted looking around as Jack started to laugh.

"It's my scolding word" Jack spluttered, "When I am being annoying or rude Ianto here says that as a warning for me to pull back. Babe? Bed?"

Another thing came out of the backpack and Ianto looked around, muttering as he placed it against a wall and then a huge bohemian style bed popped up, complete with pillows and some blankets that looked….god…. Bucky beat Steve to it and Jack looked at Ianto then shrugged, "Come on love, what's better than cuddling with an immortal? More than one. Come on, two Captains too … hey Bucky … you're not a captain are you? What did you get to?"

"Almost second base before you came in" came a muttered reply and Ianto canted his head.

"Winter solider, I love your work." He said and Bucky blinked.

Four in the bed and no one said move over. Believe you me, they all learnt how sexy Welsh is when spoken in that breathy way as he squirmed and Steve also remembered a beat too late that Jack doesn't quit until everyone has cum.

Leave no man's behind … er…. You know what I mean.

.

.

.

.

Cold Water

Everybody gets high sometimes, you know  
What else can we do when we're feeling low?  
So take a deep breath and let it go  
You shouldn't be drowning on your own

And if you feel you're sinking, I will jump right over  
Into cold, cold water for you  
And although time may take us into different places  
I will still be patient with you  
And I hope you know

I won't let go  
I'll be your lifeline tonight  
I won't let go  
I'll be your lifeline tonight

Cause we all get lost sometimes, you know?  
It's how we learn and how we grow  
And I wanna lay with you 'til I'm old  
You shouldn't be fighting on your own

Major Lazer - Cold Water


	25. The Dam At Otter Creek

 

Ianto was panting as his shoes slipped in the mire and he was forced to his knees again, the mud covering him so much that he didn't really care. At least the storm had eased to fat drops of cold regret. He let his hands sink into the mud as he hung his head and struggled not to cry.

He sat and looked back down where the white sheet was barely visible, sinking into the deep of the water. He seemed to watch forever until it was gone and then his name being repeatedly spoken had him shaking from his revere and he turned to look up, taking the offered hand and levering himself back up onto the grass embankment of the dammed creek.

.

.

.

.

.

" _Mama?"_

_Ianto stood, a gangly ten year old with glasses on the end of his nose looking at the carnage that had been wreaked on his home._

_Things were smashed, there was food everywhere and Ianto knew without a doubt that his father had come home drunk and gone off on one again. The food had not been hot enough, or maybe too hot. Either way it met the wall and his Mama now knelt sobbing as she tried to hide her bruises form him._

_This was not right._

_Just another night in the Jones household._

_He swore that one day he would stop him, one day this would end._

.

.

.

.

Ianto sat on the grass and looked up at the starlit night…well…morning. About three? Just after? He looked at her nightgown, mud on the hem and he sighed as he rose and pulled the blanket around her more, "You've freezing, we gotta get home and clean up before she comes home and sees."

Ianto rose and grabbed the branches he had pulled into the yard to strap the body onto, using his pocket knife to remove the straps that had held it like a three way tripod stretcher thing they had called a litter, something he had seen in a western and it had worked, making it easy for them to pull him to the creek and then roll him in. Ianto pulled the branches down glad the leaves still attached had helped hide the grooves in the mud from the two branches that had held his dead weight to the ground.

This rain pouring down would make sure that by daylight there would be no proof of what they had done, what they had achieved and by the time she got home to ask where he was they would be clean, warm and ready to lie to their graves that they had no idea.

.

.

.

.

" _Shit. He's not breathing."_

" _Da?" Ianto poked him with his foot, the knife in her hand still dripping blood on the floor. He looked at her and then motioned at the knife, "Clean it, wash it. Now, put it away. Go."_

_She moved without a second thought, obeying him as he knelt and touched his father again, knowing he was dead. Dead as a door nail, dead as his little dog Da had kicked to death once. Dead. Gone._

_Gone._

" _What time is she due home?"_

" _In the morning with the number eight bus. About ten" she replied shakily rubbing her face, "She will come in and look for him."_

" _Then he never came home from the pub" Ianto said as he rose, "Fetch a sheet, we need to get rid of him. A plain white one like everyone uses on the block."_

" _Where? Ianto, where will we put him?"_

_Ianto seemed to think for ever so long and she wondered if he was gonna break then he shrugged, "The dam. That dam the men made down at Otter Creek, I walk it every day, we can…if…maybe. I will go see if there are any branches still there from the path they cut last week, I can build an Indian Litter to pull him."_

" _Oh gods, I killed him. I didn't mean to but I knew he was hurting her and….oh gods. Ianto, what will we do?"_

" _Keep it together" Ianto replied calmly, "I still need that sheet, and some rope. Go."_

_They worked though the next few hours as he built the litter, then they rolled him in the sheets and pulled him to the deep side, rolling him in and Ianto knew he would never be found, even if he was the sheet was so loosely there that they could argue he might have caught up in someone's clothes line when attacked by another drunkard or someone he owed money to and that's how he fell in, so many on the estate leaving their washing out at night along the back of the housing units._

.

.

.

"Will this work?" she sobbed wringing her hands as he reached out to calm her and he looked her in the eye. "What do we do now?"

"We will go home and clean up, we will have a bath and get dressed warm like we just got up. She will come home and we will say he never came home. In a few days the police will probably come and we will say we never saw him. No one will care, he was nasty, bad and cruel. He can't hurt her now and she will never know what we did, she can never know what we have done for her tonight." As he spoke he squeezed her hands and she nodded, her teeth chattering with cold.

"Come on now, hot bath for you while I clean the kitchen up, then I will take your water while you start some bread and put our clothes in the washer. The smell will cover the funky smell of our clothing" he said with a firm squeeze then he led her back towards their home.

"Do you think this can work?"

"Yes, but she must never know" he turned one last time to look at her, drawing himself up to show the man he would become, "Mama, Rhiannon must never know."

"Yes love."

.

.

.

.

**"The Dam At Otter Creek" - Live**

when all that's left to do is  
reflect on what's been done  
this is where sadness breaths  
the sadness of everyone

just like when the guys  
built the dam at otter creek  
and all the water backed up  
deep enough to dive

we took the dead man in sheets to the river  
flanked by love  
deep enough to dive  
deep enough to dive  
be here now

we took him three and three  
in a stretcher made from trees  
that had passed in the storm  
leave the hearse behind  
to leave the curse be here now


	26. Body Like A Back Road

**Body Like A Back Road**

Owen looked over at Tosh as she tilted her head to the breeze coming through the window of the SUV. Her hair was in funky braids today making him think of Pipi Longstockings. What had been a day of reports had become something else with Ianto's phone call to Jack telling him he had a flat and 'someone' hadn't had the spare fixed after the last puncture. Jack's grimace told everyone he had last changed the tyre in Ianto's car and a small jaunt to get Ianto and the spare, take it to get fixed then back to the Austin Martin sitting quietly on the side road was in order.

Jack and Ianto were bickering in the front about a parking ticket, you know the kind of argument where it will end in laughter and become a point of reference in future. They were always doing that. Like this tyre, Ianto already smiling as he scolded the Captain.

A phone call came in and Jack had glanced over as Ianto said 'Yes Mum' several times and then looked at Jack and grimaced, then said he was sure they were free to dine this evening. Owen thought it was weird to speak so formal to your mother but with Ianto, Owen sometimes thought his Mama must be some Lady or Duchess or something, looking down her nose at the commoners. Do welsh have those? He never spoke of his family. Funny to think Jack knew her, his face lighting up as he yelled "We'll be there Lillibet!"

Huh. He thought Ianto's Mum was called Jenny. Damn him and his fake file.

Gwen wasn't there, her night to watch the switch so it was a ride without bickering that had quickly fallen to silence. When Ianto had turned on the music Owen had been surprised to find some sixties and seventies crooning from the CD but Jack seemed pleased as his fingers drummed on the wheel. Then some more recent songs, all good driving songs.

His gaze slid back to Tosh who was humming so softly it was almost inaudible.

"Right, me and Ianto get out here" Jack suddenly said, "There's the car."

Owen blinked back to the present, the idea of Tosh with cut off jeans and her feet out the window too good to dispel. As if knowing Ianto glanced at Owen as he addressed Jack, "Actually, if we are now spending the afternoon with…er…Lizzie…it might be best if we take the SUV, we get through the gates quicker. I might not trust a lot of people with my Austin Martin but I do trust Owen"

Owen was now confused, Lizzie? Thought it was Lilibet.

Jack seemed to consider, his face screwing up like it does when he is undecided so Ianto added, "Means you have it for the morning if you….drop me home later."

Jack grinned as his face cleared, "Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea Tig…Ianto. Owen, you and Tosh can take care of it right? Bloody spare flat too, what a bugger. Come on, we will change the tyre and you two zoom off."

Ianto waited until Jack was fully engaged with the jack….Jack, jacking. He slid over to Owen again, "Your shift ends in half an hour, then Gwen takes the night shift right?"

Owen looked at him and nodded.

"I was going to have a full afternoon out here on my own with my sketch book and sample bags getting that new plant life we found from the meteor. A picnic in the back seat…was gonna call Jack for a little…well. Lizzie is a much better offer so…shame if it went to waste and no need to rush back…Jack and I will spend the night at mine and drive to work tomorrow in the SUV. You have an underground garage at your place with is secure. My car would be OK there if you and Tosh…drive into work in the morning too."

Owen went still as he stared at Ianto.

"Sketch bag still in the back, Tosh might like to do some sketching as you both sit and enjoy that picnic, that road there is the old road. Will take you back to the main road the long way round and you might not see another car the entire way….or where you stop for a while."

"Ianto…shit. Ta mate" Owen said eagerly.

"Go on, put the top down if ya like just remember to put it back up before you lock it up for the night in your space." Ianto slipped the keys into his hand and nodded at Tosh, "Take it slow. You've got all the time in the world. She prefers a waltz to a foxtrot ya know."

"Thanks Ianto" Owen repeated as he glanced in though the back window to the wicker basket that he knew would hold wine, cheese and other things Tosh would like.

Soon the SUV was roaring off as Owen held the passenger door to the Austin Martin and helped Tosh into the sweet little forest green car.

"That was a nice idea" Jack said as the SUV ate the road towards London, "You know sometimes you still surprise me with your gentle heart hidden under that suit or armour Mister Jones."

"Well … someone had to help the poor little bastard" Ianto said sagely as he settled back in his seat, "Slow down Cariad, I might put the window down."

Jack eased off and let the SUV change from a shark to a dolphin now gliding along and Ianto let his head fall back to allow the breeze to move his hair.

They had all the time on the world, the Palace was always open to them

.

.

.

.

.

Got a girl from the Southside, got braids in her hair  
First time I seen her walk by, man I 'bout fell up out my chair  
Had to get her number, it took me like six weeks  
Now me and her go way back like Cadillac seats

Body like a back road, drivin' with my eyes closed  
I know every curve like the back of my hand  
Doin' fifteen in a thirty, I ain't in no hurry  
I'ma take it slow just as fast as I can

The way she fit in them blue jeans, she don't need no belt  
But I can turn 'em inside out, I don't need no help  
Got a hips like honey, so thick and so sweet  
It ain't no curves like hers on them downtown streets

Body like a back road, drivin' with my eyes closed  
I know every curve like the back of my hand  
Doin' fifteen in a thirty, I ain't in no hurry  
I'ma take it slow just as fast as I can

We're out here in the boondocks with the breeze and the birds  
Tangled up in the tall grass with my lips on hers  
On a highway to heaven, headed south of her smile  
Get there when we get there, every inch is a mile

Body like a back road, drivin' with my eyes closed  
I know every curve like the back of my hand  
Doin' fifteen in a thirty, I ain't in no hurry  
I'ma take it slow just as fast as I can

I'ma take it slow  
Just as fast as I can  
(Body like a back road)  
(Drivin' with my eyes closed)  
Got braids in her hair  
(I know every curve like the back of my hand)


	27. Fireflies

 

Ianto stood in the darkness of the clearing and held his breath, closing his eyes to summon them.

Jack knew he should walk away, this was nothing to do with him but he couldn't help but hover behind the tree he was currently hugging, the image searing into his mind for long years to come as they approached, coming from the darkness like pinpoints of intensity.

Miniature stars creating a universe. Ianto was their sun.

The fireflies were in formation as they danced around Ianto and he laughed gently as he held up a hand, "Hey. I thought you might like this."

The small disco ball key ring seemed to delight the little sprites who lifted it from his palm to lift it up, dancing into the heavens as Ianto's head fell back to watch. Eventually they disappeared from sight and Ianto tuned to look in Jack's direction.

"Did you see that?"

"I knew there was a cluster in the area but…wow. I never knew there were so many" Jack answered as he stepped into the moonlight and approached his lover, "They liked that little disco ball."

"They like mirrored things" Ianto shrugged and he leaned into Jack accepting his warmth as they kissed as lovers do, time meaningless for those moments that stretched to an eternity of memories.

"Come on Mister Jones, home?"

"Where ever that is, as long as you are there" Ianto whispered, his forehead falling against Jack's "You know…this little planet is like one of those fireflies ya know...a tiny little blip in the universe and yet here we are…you and I. Hitching a ride on this crazy train called Sol 3."

"Says the one whose blood is as old as the very mountains surrounding us" Jack snorted, "My handsome man, my Watcher. Come on. Let's get some sleep."

Hand in hand they walked across the soft grass towards the house that stood silently waiting, a children's bike laying on the lawn that Jack noted and knew he had to return to the next door's porch in the morning before the kids decided to come play again. They would careen along the little goat path to the 'fella' house for high tea and sandwiches cut into tiny bite sized pieces without crusts as Ianto scolded their grass stain.

"Ianto?"

"Yes Cariad."

"Where did they go?"

"What Cariad?" Ianto slowed his pace and glanced at Jack with honest confusion.

"The fireflies. Where did they all just disappear to?"

"Ah. Home" Ianto snorted, "They left."

"Awww I liked their little dance, I could almost hear music when they danced like that" Jack lamented, "I swear to the gods, they are one of the cutest entities of this place."

"Don't worry Cariad, they are not all gone. A handful and around here somewhere, waiting to play again" Ianto assured him, stopped at the front door to turn and draw him into a kiss, "My love. My Cariad. My handsome Boeshanninan. Come tire me out so I can sleep, maybe even sleep deep enough to miss those dreams tonight."

"Yeah?" Jack perked up as they entered the house and another soft kiss as Ianto pulled off their coats, "Tell me Tiger Pants….. how would you like to be tired out?"

"The way that includes debauchery and those bad words in different languages kinda way" Ianto was backing away from Jack as he stepped back up the stairs with his hand on the stair rail, "Maybe the kind where we feel it tomorrow?"

"Ah. A night for mementoes" Jack leered as he suddenly exploded from the base of the stairs and Ianto yelped as he took off with Jack chasing him.

Hopefully there would be no dreams…bar those of the fireflies.

.

.

.

.

.

You would not believe your eyes  
If ten million fireflies  
Lit up the world as I fell asleep  
'Cause they'd fill the open air  
And leave teardrops everywhere  
You'd think me rude, but I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe  
That planet Earth turns slowly  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep  
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs  
From ten thousand lightning bugs  
As they tried to teach me how to dance  
A foxtrot above my head  
A sock hop beneath my bed  
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe  
That planet Earth turns slowly  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep  
'Cause everything is never as it seems  
(When I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack  
(Please take me away from here)  
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac  
(Please take me away from here)  
Why do I tire of counting sheep?  
(Please take me away from here)  
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies  
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes  
I got misty eyes as they said farewell  
But I'll know where several are  
If my dreams get real bizarre  
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe  
That planet Earth turns slowly  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep  
'Cause everything is never as it seems  
(When I fall asleep)

I'd like to make myself believe  
That planet Earth turns slowly  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep  
'Cause everything is never as it seems  
(When I fall asleep)

I'd like to make myself believe  
That planet Earth turns slowly  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep  
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

Owl City - Fireflies

* * *

 


	28. Too Good at Goodbyes

Javic watched his father's body burn, the pyre lighting up the black as sparks flew like fireflies up into the Verse. He saw his mother on the other side of the pyre, still being held back by her friends who had anticipated her attempt to run into the flames, her pain too intense for her to think clearly. Well, that's what he told himself as her eyes shifted from the lump in the centre to him, her face changing to one of surprise as he turned and began to walk away.

He always knew when it was time to walk away.

Something he was sure would take him far.

"Goodbye Mama."

.

.

.

Johnty rolled in the bed and stroked Javic's face as he blinked awake, the klaxons sounding to signal the start of the day.

"Hey lover" he purred, nuzzling into that throat as Javic grunted a reply, sitting up to stretch. "Debrief today, Gods. How to you fit a paradox like that into a one hour report"

Johnty rose and walked naked to the toilet in the corner of the berth, passing without a second thought as Javic rolled to the edge of the bed to watch, the paradox ended at the cost of some of the team.

"I don't like our chances at coming out of this without some form of censure" he finally said.

"Oh come on Javic just shake that Rear of the Year and we will be done in no time, then we can talk about a double berth. Gods, a single bed is no good with both of us."

Javic sighed as he watched Johnty scratch his arse cheek and knew it was time to move on. Getting bit too …. Domesticated.

"I'll see you in there" Javic said as he slid out the door, "Goodbye Johnty."

.

.

.

.

Jack knew as he turned on his heel this was gonna hurt, gonna be one of those times he should have zigged instead of zagged but he also knew it was the right thing to do. His lips were still zinging from the kiss, the Doctor's lips surprisingly hot against his own and he hoped the feeling would remain a little longer… an apt goodbye.

He whispered "Goodbye Doc."

.

.

.

.

.

Jack stood and watched the Tardis grind away, the silence unnerving as all that remained ws his own heart beat. Well then.

"Goodbye" he whispered, "I...yeah."

.

.

"Alex…please" Jack whispered softly as he looked into the eyes of his lover and Alex smiled softly.

"I love you, you know that right? Sorry Jack, I know that word is poison to you but..hey…you don't have to be the one walking away right?" the laugh was brittle, like the man's mental state and Jack looked around the hub at the carnage, the slender leg of a team mate lying near a workstation seemed uncouth, her skirt flipped up to show her knickers. For some reason it irked him in a way he couldn't explain.

"Alex…I…"

"Goodbye Jack"

BANG

.

.

.

Jack heard it… subtle but still…he ran.

Up out of the hub into the light, towards her as she seemed to react to seeing him coming and he knew she was going to escape if he didn't act fast.

"DOCTOR!"

It wasn't until later he realised Ianto was walking across the Plass with a tray of coffees, his face one of total horror as he watched Jack throw himself at the Tardis.

Well…. He did know it was nothing.

Right?

.

.

.

.

"Toshiko" Jack sighed softly, "Sweetheart."

Her body was surprisingly light, Ianto carrying her shoes and he found it touching as he watched Ianto lace up her ankle straps, a hand sliding down her ankle to check they were secure, then he glanced back at Jack "She needs sensible shoes for the journey."

Jack pulled him close and watched the drawer slide back into the bank of bodies. "Goodbye little blossom."

No words left.

.

.

.

.

Jack snarled into his face, the tightness in his chest restrictive as he tried to take back the air in the room, "It's none of your business."

He could see the verbal slap resonating on Ianto's face as his eyes widened and he leaned back to show he was recognising Jack's need for space, then Jack felt it himself as he replayed the moment in his head and he paused at the doors to the car park turning back to apologise but Ianto had already fled.

"Shit"

.

.

.

.

He was so still…so..dead.

Jack sighed as he let go of Gwen and rose, stretching like it was no big deal his lover was dead at his feet, already starting to change into just another piece of flesh. Meat. Gods, in the end he has become what he feared to be. Another piece of meat.

Jack swallowed thickly and began to walk away.

"Jack? What about Ianto?"

"Leave him, not like he cares" he shot over his shoulder, "Say your goodbyes and shift yourself. World to save."

.

.

.

.

"Jack please" Gwen begged, sobbing as her hands slid to the large belly like it might somehow change his mind. Like watching a new life come onto this hellhole would make him feel better.

"Goodbye Gwen."

"You can't leave" Gwen sobbed, "You can't just leave me."

"Watch me"

.

.

.

.

Anwen was laughing as she ran across the grass, her five year old legs pumping as Rhys turned to scoop her up, his own laughter joining his daughter's as Jack watched from the kitchen window.

"How long?"

"Gwen, I will be right back. Goodbye girl."

She turned from the dish water but he was already gone.

"Damn him."

.

.

.

.

.

"So…I left her there with her arms in the soap suds before she could fire off one of her mouthfuls" Jack snorted as he sat on the grass, enjoying the warmth of the day "You should have seen her with that streak of grey at her temple… remember that time Owen punked her and she thought her cell phone was really in the stomach of that Gergottial?"

Jack laughed as he turned and smiled softly, "Of course, you thought that one up didn't you, always ready to let him take the laugh."

Jack sighed and looked up at the clouds, "Was meant to rain. You like the rain, right?"

There was no reply, but there never was. No matter.

Jack leaned back and let the day roll on, always time for a chat between jaunts, "Hey…. Did I tell you I got that Chrystal for the Dercos gun?"

Jack grinned as he started to tell the tale of how he stole it from under their noses, secreting it in a place they would never look, "You know I was always good at hiding things up there, right love?"

He grimaced, the word slipping out before he could stop it and he glanced to his left, noting the silent reproach. Then he grinned.

"Well, time to skip" he said as the VM pinged, "He will be on the next rise gathering flowers. I'll see you next time sweetie."

He strode across the grass with a heavy heart even as he raised his hand to wave to the Doctor who was looking up with that resigned amusement of one who knew he would never shake this shadow.

The stone was partially concealed with time, sunken into the dirt Jack's hands had been in, calmly weeding and cleaning even though out here in the vastness of the great grassy plain the name barely visible as time had eroded some away.

The only one he could never say goodbye to.

Ianto Sean Jones

.

.

.

.

**"Too Good At Goodbyes"**

You must think that I'm stupid  
You must think that I'm a fool  
You must think that I'm new to this  
But I have seen this all before

I'm never gonna let you close to me  
Even though you mean the most to me  
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts  
So I'm never gonna get too close to you  
Even when I mean the most to you  
In case you go and leave me in the dirt

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry  
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry  
And every time you walk out, the less I love you  
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true

I'm way too good at goodbyes  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)  
I'm way too good at goodbyes  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)

I know you're thinking I'm heartless  
I know you're thinking I'm cold  
I'm just protecting my innocence  
I'm just protecting my soul

I'm never gonna let you close to me  
Even though you mean the most to me  
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts  
So I'm never gonna get too close to you  
Even when I mean the most to you  
In case you go and leave me in the dirt

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry  
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry  
And every time you walk out, the less I love you  
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true

I'm way too good at goodbyes  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)  
I'm way too good at goodbyes  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)  
No way that you'll see me cry  
(No way that you'll see me cry)

I'm way too good at goodbyes  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)  
No  
No, no, no, no, no  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)  
No, no, no, no  
No, no, no  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)  
(No way that you'll see me cry)  
(I'm way too good at goodbyes)

'Cause every time you hurt me, the less that I cry  
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry  
And every time you walk out, the less I love you  
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true  
I'm way too good at goodbyes


	29. Fly for a white guy

 

"OWEN!" Ianto screamed as he fumbled for the suicide strap, the SUV catching air once more as Owen careened across the field, his own whoop of glee drowning out Ianto's' alarm.

They had been chasing the Hoix for over an hour, Jack long since dead at least three times and currently Gwen was trying to put his pieces back together. Owen shouting that she could sort Humpty Dumpty and leaping into the SUV had been the first problem, of course the second one was that he was behind the wheel.

Another rise and again they were airborne, Ianto grinding his teeth as he envisaged the suspension needing some attention, the crunch back to terra forma slamming them both into the seat, then their belts bit as they were thrown forward and up, then another slam into the seat as Owen slammed his foot down, "I see it. Over there"

"That's a cow" Ianto said calmly, then swore as Owen grunted his agreement and swung the wheel to turn in the other direction.

"Must have gone into those bushes" Owen yelled, "Hang on!"

"Ahhhh fuck" Ianto groaned as he also saw the paintwork suffering.

They were slamming through the undergrowth as Ianto hoped there was not a hidden ditch and he turned to Owen, "Can we at least change the music?"

"Nah, this is my action song" Owen panted, swinging the wheel again and then squeaking with alarm, Ianto looking forward with horror as the fence loomed and then there was the loud explosion as they slammed through it, splintering wood like toothpicks around the cab of the vehicle.

"Shit" Ianto said, swinging to look behind them and then he frowned, "Owen if that was intact how would a full grown Hoix get through it?"

"Huh? Fuck, you're right" Owen agreed, swinging again and Ianto yelled as they went back through the fence, more panel work beaten as Owen looked around with glee, "Do ya see it? Yan? Mate, ya see it?"

"Owen, I do think it's gone to ground." Ianto sighed, "There are caves over to the….fuck!"

Ianto knew he should not have pointed, knew it was a bad move but Owen was channelling Jack in the worst way as he gleefully turned the vehicle towards the caving system. They rumbled towards it and then Owen slammed the brakes on with his face contorted with rage as they came to a shuddering halt, the dust and dirt flying around them.

Ianto turned in the seat with his eyes wide, panting as he still clutched at the handle.

Owen yelled over the music with his head bouncing energetically, "Everyone says I am pretty fly for a white guy!"

Ianto opened his door and looked down at the ground, the distance and fact they seemed to be…tottering.

"Owen. We are stuck on a fucking great mole hill" Ianto snarled in that deep rumble that was usually a precursor to a tazing.

Owen laughed as he struggled with the seatbelt and then slithered out of the vehicle like a three year old running for a playground.

Ianto sighed and hoped Jack caught up to them soon. If the Hoix didn't kill Owen he might.

"I need a fucking coffee" Ianto grumbled as he slid out and then watched Owen stalking the caves, "Owen? Do you want a gun or are you going to dazzle it with dance moves?"

He then stomped after the twat with the rifle over his shoulder, the open doors of the SUV pounding the music Ianto knew would be stuck in his head for days.

If Owen didn't get him killed first.

.

.

.

.

**"Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"**

_[German-sounding nonsense:]_  
Gunter glieben glauten globen

Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly  
For a white guy.  
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

You know it's kind of hard  
Just to get along today.  
Our subject isn't cool,  
But he fakes it anyway.  
He may not have a clue;  
And he may not have style.  
But everything he lacks  
Well he makes up in denial.

So don't debate, a player straight  
You know he really doesn't get it anyway.  
gotta play the field, and keep it real.  
For you no way, for you no way.  
So if you don't rate, just overcompensate.  
At least you'll know you can always go on Ricki Lake.  
The world needs wannabes.  
(Hey! Hey!) do that brand new thing.

Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly  
For a white guy.

He needs some cool tunes  
Not just any will suffice.  
But they didn't have Ice Cube  
So he bought Vanilla Ice.  
Now cruising in his Pinto, he sees homies as he pass.  
But if he looks twice  
They're gonna kick his lily ass.

So don't debate, a player straight  
You know he really doesn't get it anyway.  
gotta play the field, and keep it real.  
For you no way, for you no way.  
So if you don't rate, just overcompensate.  
At least you'll know you can always go on Ricki Lake.  
The world loves wannabes.  
(Hey! Hey!) do that brand new thing

Now he's getting a tattoo.  
Yeah he's gettin' ink done.  
He asked for a '13', but they drew a '31'.  
Friends say he's trying too hard  
And he's not quite hip.  
But in his own mind  
He's the—he's the dopest trip.

Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
Give it to me baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.  
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

So don't debate, a player straight  
You know he really doesn't get it anyway.  
gotta play the field, and keep it real.  
For you no way, for you no way.  
So if you don't rate, just overcompensate.  
At least you'll know you can always go on Ricki Lake.  
The world needs wannabes.  
the world loves wannabes.  
let's get some more wannabes.  
And (Hey! Hey!) do that brand new thing.


	30. Song of the South

Brose 1001 …I sang in a country and Western Group until my lungs were badly scarred …I sang a lot of the oldies, especially my favourite Kenny Rogers. So this woodie is into country music amongst my myriad of likes.

.

.

Song of the South

Jack grinned as he watched Ianto take a tepid bite of the pie, his eyes widening as he let the taste roll in his mouth.

Jack knew this was a moment of truth, the Welshman's delicate palate known to throw out all number of foods for no apparent reason and when Ianto grunted and lowered the fork for another piece Jack could have punched the air but settled for a look across the meeting table at Rhys.

"Give me a try" Rhys said and Ianto's hand slid around to shield his plate, the signal clear that if he waned some, he could get his own. Rhys watched Jack cut a piece of pie and slide it to him, then resume his favourite pastime.

Ianto Watching.

"You see?" Jack finally crooned softly, "I told you I would make it up to you for that mess."

Ianto grunted as he lifted the fork to lick it, then select another little sliver to savour.

The 'Mess' had been a truckload of bedding for some furniture company that had inadvertently been partially vaporised by the rift. I say partially because the innards of most of the pillows and mattresses had sort of…well…exploded. It was actually quite surprising to find the road and surrounding fields looking like it was the middle of winter instead of just another drearily rainy day in Wales … like…you expected the Tardis to appear with the Doctor yelling about vampire snowmen or a killer Santa or something…. the prospect of having to clean the site enough for Ianto to let loose a rare volley of words usually reserved for Owen.

Even Owen had been impressed actually.

Three hours of wading about with bin bags collecting cotton off trees, bushes and then Ianto had turned to Owen and said those magical words every rat faced little twat wanted to hear.

"Do we still have that flame thrower?"

Ianto had then sat and watched Owen excitedly rampage about to get what they could not reach, his glee contagious as he had screamed 'Bonsai' and 'Cowabunga' and then to Ianto's immense amusement he had screamed like he was orgasaming, 'lamingtons'.

Of course, Owen denied that one, still looking furtively about as even he didn't know why he had screamed a cake.

Jack had watched the draggled pair from the comfort of his office the camera on the grill of the SUV showing Ianto's slumped shoulders and promised a treat for Ianto, a special one from back home and he had then proceeded to destroy the kitchen as he pulled out drawers, opened cupboards and used far too many bowls…even Ianto didn't know they had that many.

The little cache of Boeshane Butter Balls were removed from under the bed, these little sweet potatoes similar to those of earth but the colour was more like cherry. Jack knew Ianto would be confused at a cheery pie that was flavoured like sweet potato but also knew Ianto liked surprises like that. Secretly, the Welshman was a bit of a foodie.

"Why is it red?" Rhys asked.

"From home" Jack said inanely as Ianto's' eyed rolled back, that little tongue like a cat's as he licked the fork again.

"Home?"

"Yeah, my dad grew them out back and mama made a pie each Sunday for a treat if me and Gray did all our chores and didn't kill one another."

"Whos' Gray?"

Ianto's eyes came into focus, staring at Jack, then rolling to Rhys as if his question had irked him and he answered for Jack, "What about you Rhys? Did your mama have a signature dish?"

Jack could have kissed him for that save, a movement of inattention had almost made him drop the ball there. Rhys began to talk about his childhood and Jack grinned as he felt a hand slide into his lap for a quick squeeze and promise of more…exploring later…then Ianto rose and walked to the kitchen where the shrill scream had Myfanwy poking her head out of her aviary to look down at them with distain.

Someone had pissed off the thin chick and now they were gonna get it.

Ooooo.

Pie.

Jakc rushed to appologise as Rhys laughed then choked and sat still with horror as the huge leather bird shuffled through the doorway into the meeting room, her beady eye rolling as she clacked her beak in challenge and Rhys pushed the chair back slowly towards the wall with his hands up in surrender as she snatched the pie, dish and all before ambling back out and taking off.

"And Myf just stole the fucking pie didn't she!" Ianto roared from somewhere as the clank of the empty dish echoed in the hub.

Jack grimaced to himself.

Best to keep his mouth shut on that one and just get washing.

Yeah?

.

.

.

.

.

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth  
Gone, gone by the wind  
There ain't nobody looking back again

Cotton on the roadside, cotton in the ditch  
We all picked the cotton but we never got rich  
Daddy was a veteran, a southern democrat  
They ought to get a rich man to vote like that

Sing it

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth  
Gone, gone by the wind  
There ain't nobody looking back again

Well somebody told us Wall Street fell  
But we were so poor that we couldn't tell  
Cotton was short and the weeds were tall  
But Mr. Roosevelt's a gonna save us all

Well momma got sick and daddy got down  
The county got the farm and they moved to town  
Papa got a job with the TVA  
He bought a washing machine and then a Chevrolet

Sing it

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth  
Gone, gone by the wind  
There ain't nobody looking back again

Play it

Sing it

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth  
Gone, gone by the wind  
There ain't nobody looking back again

Song, song of the south  
Gone, gone with the wind

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth  
Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth

Sing it

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth  
Gone, gone by the wind  
Ain't nobody looking back again

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth  
Gone, gone by the wind  
Ain't nobody looking back again

Song, song of the south  
Sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth

Alabama - Song Of The South


	31. Fishing for Lisa

Ianto stood in the room feeling the cold of the concrete around him and sighed.

"I wonder if I fill this with water, might I fish around and find you then?" he asked softly, her still form not answering and he leaned over the bed, "Lisa?"

She was breathing, he was sure of it but it had been days since she had last spoken to him, last shown ant recognition and he was sure Doctor Tanizaki was going to be too late, all of this for nothing is she was already gone.

"Lisa?" he whispered, his fingers tracing the outline of her lips as he tried to remember the last time they had smiled, a cheeky grin as she had turned at the elevators to walk towards Yvonne's office as he straightened his tie and hoped her lipstick had not rubbed off on his lips from the tryst on the way up, a blush as he knew some probably had.

The last time they had spoken he had told her, haltingly and with great pain he had admitted that the baby was gone. Their unborn child gone. Their…daughter. She had wept as he had stupidly said that she should have quit like he had asked, should not have still been there almost six months along then he had sat as she had turned her face away from him as she called him cruel.

Maybe he had been.

But she had promised, then signed on for another two months.

"Lisa?" He sighed, "remember that time we got drunk after the footy and you fell in the garden on the way home? You broke your stiletto and I was laughing so much trying to get you out I fell in too? Do you remember love? We laughed so much my ribs hurt. You stole the petunia bush and dirt was all over the flat the next morning."

He picked up the still hand and examined her fingernails, "Do you want some polish love? Got some of that peal you like. Yeah?"

Pearl.

They were going to call her that.

The baby.

Wrong choice of words so he tried again, "Remember that time your Mam turned up with those bright blue talons? Yapping away and hooked herself in the cheek? Bleed like a stuck pig, god. The tablecloth never did come clean."

"What am I going to do without you" he whimpered and looked around the room again, so cold and dull.

He decided to turn the radio on, the soft music not something he liked but knew she did and as the spice girls chortled along about girl power he leaned back and reached for the nail polish then sighed, placing it back unopened.

Was this even worth it?

He looked up at the ceiling and calculated knowing soon Jack would be raising an empty cup to his lips and then moaning as he sought Ianto to refill it.

"I have to go love, I will see you after lights out" he rose and leaned over, kissing those soft yet still lips then scurrying to the door, locking it carefully as he resisted the urge to consider this a tomb, a cold hard tomb.

She might as well be under water.

He certainly felt like he was under there too.

We don't all float down here ya know.

.

.

.

.

.

I'm fishing for Lisa,  
Like a meeting in the water lost  
I should have known better  
Now I sit here trying to count my loss,  
I thought you were my reason to live.

I'm trying to find my angel  
You give nothing, get the same returned  
I said it would be this hard  
Well if you want it, when you going to learn

I thought you're my reason to live  
I thought you're my reason to live

When are you going to wake up?  
When are you going to want what's in your face?  
When are you going to give up?  
Cause when you do I'm going to take your place

I thought you're my reason to live  
I thought you're my reason to live

I'm fishing for Lisa  
Like a meeting in the water, lost  
You should've know better  
Than a letcure at your daughters cost

I thought you're my reason to live  
I thought you're my reason to live  
I thought you're my reason to live  
I thought you're my reason to live

By The Feelers.

* * *

 


	32. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fitting song as we welcome our Prime Minister's Baby ... Welcome to your home little one ... a New Year's Baby born on Matariki ... the Maori New Year.

The helicopter swept low over the trees so the skids almost skimmed through the canopy, Ianto smiling as he looked out the window to see Myfanwy had found them, her wings flapping lazily as she came close to peer in at him while keeping clear of those whirring blades and then bank away towards the Marae.

It felt good to be back, the weeks spent up on the other island dealing with the government had been long and tiresome. Ianto didn't care how long it took, he would never be able to smile as convincingly as Jack could while spinning them a yarn worthy of a movie plot. It had been too long. He watched their lighthouse as they passed it, a pang as he saw the light coming on for the dusk air. His home, his little piece of safety. His space where he slotted in. Belonged.

Children were running to get behind their parents as the thrum of the chopper echoed up the valley and worked as their volley of trumpets, announcing their return long before they were seen and Ianto grinned, leaning forward to see the Kuia step forward, her arms swinging as they began to sing their welcome.

The chopper settled on the soft grass and the rotator blades slowed as Myfanwy landed as well, Janet in the distance lopping towards them as Owen ran after her, laughing with his wife slowly following, her arms full of baby and her face serene.

The sound of the engine died, the sound of the call rose and Ianto opened the passenger door to the blast of song, the eerie call of welcome as she serenaded them, encouraging them to come forward into her arms, into her heart.

Jack scrambled out, raced around to help Ianto down, his twisted ankle now drawing the children who ran with concern to make sure their personal Tanewha was OK.

Ianto dropped to his knees, babies of all colour and size filling them as he laughed and clutched at them then he rose to face the old woman as her call died away like a musical note held in a wavering cry.

"You are late" she finally said as she seized his face in her hands and placed her nose to his, her forehead to his and then her lips to his.

"He had to refuel" Ianto replied happily, "I missed you."

"We all missed you but you are home now" she nodded, "Come sweetie, come tell Aunty what they fed you, I bet you are starving for some real food."

Ianto sighed happily lifting Bella to his hip as Jack and Dendy gathered some of the children and let them help unload the chopper, screams of glee as toys were thrown at them now filling the air then Janet arrived and ploughed through them to seize a huge beach ball and run off with several children chasing her while they laughed and called to her to wait up.

Ianto stood and breathed the clean air of the South Island, the deep hum of …. Belonging.

It was good to be home.

Where he belonged.

.

..

.

.

.

Tonight I am feeling for you  
Under the state of a strange land  
You have sacrificed much to be here  
'there but for grace...' as I offer my hand  
Welcome home, I bid you welcome, I bid you welcome  
Welcome home from the bottom of my heart  
Out here on the edge  
The empire is fading by the day  
And the world is so weary in war  
Maybe we'll find that new way

So welcome home, see I made a space for you now  
Welcome home from the bottom of our heart  
Welcome home from the bottom of our hearts  
Keep it coming now - keep it coming now  
You'll find most of us here with our hearts wide open  
Keep it coming now - keep on coming now  
Keep it coming now - keep on coming now

There's a woman with her hands trembling - haere mai  
And she sings with a mountain's memory - haere mai

There's a cloud the full length of these isles  
Just playing chase with the sun  
And it's black and it's white and it's wild  
All the colours are one

So welcome home, I bid you welcome, I bid you welcome  
Welcome home from the bottom of our hearts  
Welcome home, see I made a space for you now  
Welcome home from the bottom of our hearts  
From the bottom of our hearts

.

.

Welcome home – Dave Dobyn


	33. Feelin' Groovy

Owen has watched Ianto work for over an hour, each miniscule droplet of blood so deftly flicked that he was now having trouble himself with the cause of death.

"Shit, it's like….like…." he struggled for the word he wanted and Jack finished for him.

"Art."

"Yeah"

I mean, he's done it before, like…lots right?" Owen said with morbid fascination, Ianto walking over to look at them both and raise an eyebrow like he had caught them kissing or something, then pick up a jar of teeth and walk back over to view the corpse as he shook the container and he considered placement of each individual tooth.

"How does he stay so calm?" Owen hissed, "He is leaning into the mashed up face of what was once a beautiful woman…I mean look at her. I think…. You think he's thinking about…you know…her? Kinda similar."

No one ever said Lisa's name but she haunted them constantly, Jack grunting a warning as Ianto turned to face them "If you can't be quiet I will be forced to shoot you. I do believe one of you will not get up again."

"Sorry" Jack called out and Owen growled.

"Why?"

"Pardon?"

"What is it you're listening to that is more important than my pearls of wisdom?" Owen demanded as he bent to pick another daisy to add to the handful he already had for…ah….the coffee table. The faint sound of vehicles in the disance showed the little dell they were in would be found by dog walkers in the afternoon, this morning perfect for 'planting' a scene of someone falling down an enbankment in the dark and smashing her head face first into a boulder.

"Ah!" Ianto looked back at Owen, "Prey do you speak of pearls as like to swine."

"What?"

Jack started to snigger as he got the word play but wanted to watch Owen twist for a bit as Ianto dripped a tooth with a pair of tweezers then sniffed the air.

"Don't tell me it farted" Owen said happily, "Corpses do fart ya know. Lots."

Ianto looked back at him, "Yes, thank you doctor. I was smelling the rain hitting the motorway back there to the north."

"See? He can call me that" Owen pointed like he had a eureka moment and Jack looked up at the sky.

"Rain coming love?"

"Don't call me that"

"Sorry Tiger"

Ianto looked back at him then Owen who was holding his hand up still like he wanted to say something, Ianto irritated by the childish gesture, "What."

"What do you hear?"

"A song. I sing in me head, like I am dancing to a melody. All of this is just a dance and when the music dies I can leave without ever having to come back. Each time I hear the song I can pull a memory of hearing it in another place and time, wiping this one away." Ianto glanced at them, "Make sense?"

"Yeah it does" Owen nodded "Like…a sensory thing. Same song each time, so it's only one. Always just the one right?"

"Exactly."

"What song?"

Ianto hesitated again, this time looking at Owen hard, "You would laugh."

"Come on let me guess."

Ianto knew it would entertain the fella who was now destroying the flowers he had painstakingly picked so he nodded and spent the next half hour saying 'no' in a myriad of ways as the rain crept closer, then Owen snorted as he flicked more petals from his knee to the ground, "probably a gay one then."

Ianto froze.

"Excuse me?"

Owen froze, Jack's snarl so soft yet…. Close.

"Ghost Riders in the Sky" Ianto said suddenly, breaking the moment, "you know…yee-haw."

"Really?" Owen twisted up his face as Jack moved away and laughed softly at what was clearly misdirection.

Yeah, not like its gonna be on the radio all the time, not something I listen to so it's not going to sneak up on me and it's macabre enough to fit" Ianto shrugged, they all looked around at one another then nodded. "Me Da used to sing it in the shower each morning, I would wake to it."

"Makes sense" Owen agreed.

Ianto swung away and hid his relief. If Owen knew the song he would constantly annoy him with it… like he was just doing now miming horse riding.

Badly.

Ianto closed off his mind to them and let the song flow, lightening his soul and comforting him as his mother's voice echoes like it did in the kitchen as she danced around the kitchen table with him in her arms, the old radio cracking away on the windowsill. The smell of the rain hitting the asphalt outside wafting in through the open window as she smiled down at him.

Mama.

"Doot-in doo-doo, feelin' groovy"

He dropped another tooth as the first drop of rain hit the back of his hand.

Time to pack it up.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)**

Slow down, you move too fast  
You got to make the morning last  
Just kicking down the cobblestones  
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy  
Ba da da da da da da, feelin' groovy

Hello, lamppost, what'cha knowin'?  
I've come to watch your flowers growin'  
Ain't'cha got no rhymes for me?  
Doot-in doo-doo, feelin' groovy  
Ba da da da da da da, feelin' groovy

I got no deeds to do  
No promises to keep  
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep  
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me  
Life, I love you  
All is groovy


	34. Rude

Saturday morning, not as dreary as Friday had been but maybe that was a mind over matter sort of thing. Today was going to be a pearler.

Lisa had stayed until the early hours, sliding out with a searing kiss as she whispered that she had to get home before her father checked her bed before his morning paper. Ianto had found that funny, giggling into his pillow until she slapped him and then kissed him again.

He had eventually risen and pulled on his best suit, the one Lisa liked the most and then he chose the dark maroon tie he really didn't like but knew her father wore one the same, a deep breath as he looked at his reflection and went over their discussion the night before.

"What if he says no" Ianto had asked as he lay in the bath, Lisa had settled between his legs to lean back against him with her lovely long dark legs crossed up on the edge of the bath.

"Then….then… we tell him about the baby and he has to let us" she replied.

"No. We can't, what if he says I am only marrying you out of shame" Ianto considered.

Lisa sighed, "No. Besides, he might say no out of spite and ship me off somewhere dark and dank."

"Ship you off" Ianto laughed softly, "As if! No one can possibly dull your light darling, my brightest star."

Now he drove with a hopeful heart to the home of his beloved where he found Harold standing in the front yard watering his lawn.

"Good morning Sir, lay I have a moment of your time" Ianto called as he walked towards him and Lisa's father swung to face him with a scowl.

"We will go to church tomorrow and give our donation there, we don't want any preaching today!" he said and Ianto had a moment of shock as he realized the man thought he was door knocking.

"Mister Hallett. It's me. Ianto Jones, Lisa's boyfriend sir" Ianto spluttered and the man grunted, finally turning off the hose as Ianto felt his anger starting to flare. Like the old prick didn't know it was him.

"What do you want Jones" he barked.

"I wanted to talk to you about Lisa" Ianto said, then glanced over to find her on the front porch with her hands clasped around the post with her eyes shining with love. "I … I wanted to tell you that I love her and want to spend the rest of my life making her happy"

Harold frowned at him, "What?"

"Sir. I am asking for her hand in marriage please" Ianto said as he stood as strong as he could.

Harold stared at him and then started to laugh "Are you mad? A Welshman? A white Hoodlum no less?"

"What?" Ianto said stupidly as Lisa gasped and started towards them.

"I am telling you this only once" Harold boomed, "It will be over my dead body that I walk my girl down the aisle to you, do you hear me boy? I will NEVER allow this."

Ianto couldn't breathe for a moment, the entire world seeming to stall out as he blinked at the only thing between him and his future.

"What?" he found himself repeating.

"I will not give it" Harold repeated, "Get the fuck off my property you little punk!"

"Is that your last word?" Lisa demanded, stepping between the men to shield her lover who she could clearly see was on the verge of a meltdown, "Daddy? You will not let us stand in the church and say our vows?"

"No" he folded his arms as Hattie nodded her agreement from the porch.

"Lissy don't" Ianto hissed and she knew he was talking about the baby, so she nodded to let him know she would not give that away, let him have that little piece of them to themselves a little longer.

Of course, this was Lisa Hallett.

She was no fool, caught herself a lovely Welsh Bastard and she was not about to let go of the best thing she had ever known.

"OK Daddy" Lisa sighed softly, turning to face Ianto, "Give me half an hour to pack what we can fit in the car. We can do it this Avo."

"What?" Harold said, now the stupid one as his daughter spun to stare down at her father who had been shorter than her since she was twelve years old.

"We will elope" Lisa smiled sweetly, "We will empty my account, we will elope and get wed at the court house and then you can pretend you never had a daughter. I am sure Marcus will settle down sooner or later and give you grandchildren…. Right?"

Ianto blinked as the world seemed to roar back into focus, Lisa there to steady and ground him as he stepped in beside her. His celestial being to orbit.

"Aright love; whatever you want" Ianto said steadily, "I already have the suit on."

"Like hell" Hattie finally spoke, "My only daughter. You will not deny me the church wedding and the fucking flowers!"

"Mama!" Lisa gasped with shock "Language."

They didn't notice the hand sliding to her belly as she turned to Ianto and winked, "Well?"

"Well … no need to be so Rude" Ianto smiled as he watched her take control of the moment, "The sky's the limit."

"Sky…. I like that" she nodded as she spoke softly to him, leaning in like she was going to kiss him "Or Skyla?"

"Yeah" Ianto sighed softly as he looked at the future mother of his babies. He wondered if the next one might be a boy. He wanted one of those too.

Two kids might be nice…. At least two…. Or three?

.

.

.

.

RUDE

Saturday morning jumped out of bed  
And put on my best suit  
Got in my car and raced like a jet  
All the way to you  
Knocked on your door with heart in my hand  
To ask you a question  
'Cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man, yeah

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?  
Say yes, say yes 'cause I need to know  
You say I'll never get your blessing 'til the day I die  
Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is 'No'

Why you gotta be so rude?  
Don't you know I'm human too?  
Why you gotta be so rude?  
I'm gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl  
Marry her anyway  
Marry that girl  
Yeah, no matter what you say  
Marry that girl  
And we'll be a family  
Why you gotta be so  
Rude

I hate to do this, you leave no choice  
Can't live without her  
Love me or hate me we will be boys  
Standing at that altar  
Or we will run away  
To another galaxy, you know  
You know she's in love with me  
She will go anywhere I go

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?  
Say yes, say yes 'cause I need to know  
You say I'll never get your blessing 'til the day I die  
Tough luck, my friend, 'cause the answer's still 'No"

Why you gotta be so rude?  
Don't you know I'm human too?  
Why you gotta be so rude?  
I'm gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl  
Marry her anyway  
Marry that girl  
No matter what you say  
Marry that girl  
And we'll be a family  
Why you gotta be so  
Rude  
Rude

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?  
Say yes, say yes 'cause I need to know  
You say, I'll never get your blessing 'til the day I die  
Tough luck, my friend, but 'No' still means 'No'!

Why you gotta be so rude?  
Don't you know I'm human too?  
Why you gotta be so rude?  
I'm gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl  
Marry her anyway  
Marry that girl  
No matter what you say  
Marry that girl  
And we'll be a family  
Why you gotta be so  
Rude  
Why you gotta be so  
Rude  
Why you gotta be so rude?

By MAGIC!


	35. In my blood

Ianto lay impassively on the bathroom floor, nothing left to do but take another breath for some reason. The whiskey bottle was empty and he felt a strange sorrow, a loss.

He blinked and looked at the tiles thinking idly that they needed a clean, the grout looked a bit gross. He had an old toothbrush for this purpose, a self punishment he did sometimes like his Da had made him as a child and he saw that it must have been a while since he last punished himself for something stupid.

Man oh man, he needed a bigger bathroom.

It must have been an hour or so later that he felt the lump digging into his hip and rolled to his back, the ceiling no better to look at with its grey paint. Needed a fresh coat. He dug around and pulled out the phone from his pocket, looking at it like it was some alien thing then flipped it open to scroll though the numbers.

Call someone.

Someone…. Someone….there has to be someone that might….someone? Anyone?

Why.

To sob and say she's gone? She was gone a long time ago. Who would care now?

Ianto let his hand fall back to the tiles and the phone skittered across the dirty tiles to stop against the toilet. Ianto let his eyes follow the graceful skate over the white expanse and then he sighed as he saw the distance.

What if he had a call then? Too far. Too much work to get there. Ianto dismissed the stupid piece of shite. The ceiling really was in need of a coat of paint and the ceiling fan looked like it needed a good clean too. When was the last time the vacuum cleaner was brought in the held up for …. Ianto rolled again and decided the wall was much better. Cleaner anyway.

He had almost done it, almost saved her. But not quite eh? Nope! Screwed the pooch there mate. Ianto thought of the body bag Owen had left in the gurney, the parts of Lisa in it he had cut from the Cyber unit as Ianto was forced to assist and he had stared at them for a while before feeding another bag into the furnace, their destroyed clothes going to the gods as an offering.

"Finish that shit up and go home" Owen said flatly as he started to walk away and Ianto grunted as he fed another bag to the flames. Blood stained reports that would need to be redone. Not his problem now, right? He eyes had slid to the bag with her parts. It had been so simple. Not really bringing her home, but being able to bury her under the tree in the park where they picnicked of an afternoon was close enough, right? Somewhere in the cosmos of time where she was happy. He was happy. They were…alive.

"You can never go back" he croaked at the wall, "Only ash back there."

The drive to London and back had been in a stupor and he barely remembered even doing it ... most of the night taken with a silly gesture. His trousers were wet, all of him really as the rain had not given him the decency of providing her with a proper funeral so he had shoved the bag into the water filling hole and knelt in the mud to cover her over once more as he sobbed his apologies. Wet. Muddy. Cursed. That was what her mother had hissed at them, their children would be mud. Well … ha ha bitch! We didn't have any! Lisa had lied about a pregnancy so they would lt her move in with him.

The car's interior must be a bloody mess now. Ianto sighed as he was starting to come around and knew mud was everywhere now. Mud. Blood. Shit. Waste. He really should call someone but…why bother? He considered things as he lay there filthy and exhausted and then a small voice in the back of his mind whispered that it wasn't in his blood to give up. To simply fail.

"But I did" he sobbed, his hand coming up to cover his mouth like he had just cursed.

Ianto finally got to his knees and then his feet, looking down at the ruined suit and pitifully ugly bare feet on the dirty tiles. Lisa said he had strong feet. Walker's feet. He wondered what the feet of a sitter looked like and snorted at the silliness of the thought. He was waking up now and undid his belt, letting the trousers fall, followed by his boxers. He tore off his shirt and singlet, letting them join the pile as the water started. He kicked the empty bottle as he stumbled to the edge of the bath and looked down at it.

Gods, he needed a drink.

* * *

**In My Blood"**

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
But I just can't  
It isn't in my blood

Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing  
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something  
I could take to ease my mind slowly  
Just have a drink and you'll feel better  
Just take her home and you'll feel better  
Keep telling me that it gets better  
Does it ever?

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
No medicine is strong enough  
Someone help me  
I'm crawling in my skin  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
But I just can't  
It isn't in my blood

It isn't in my blood

Looking through my phone again feeling anxious  
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this  
I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh  
Is there somebody who could...

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
No medicine is strong enough  
Someone help me  
I'm crawling in my skin  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
But I just can't  
It isn't in my blood

It isn't in my blood

I need somebody now  
I need somebody now  
Someone to help me out  
I need somebody now

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
But I just can't  
It isn't in my blood

It isn't in my blood  
It isn't in my blood  
I need somebody now  
It isn't in my blood  
I need somebody now  
It isn't in my blood

**By Shawn Mendes**


	36. falling in love with you

He knew it was a mistake letting it happen the first time, that stolen kiss in the archives, the hurried grope and then blush before retreating. He knew it would only lead to heartache but damn if that man was not sex on a stick!

Then things had gone bad with Lisa, the whole 'you lied to me' thing and it all went to shit. He took to hiding and brooding about things instead of being confronting. Confronting would be better. A good yelling match and a few fists might even be better than the kicked puppy routine. Yes, he had hurt him, they were all hurt now.

It wasn't until the cannibals that he realised his life might mean something after all. He had been existing, looking for purpose when he already had one and now he was waking up. It was like coming out of a fugue, the muted colours getting turned up on a remote control somewhere and he as coming alive more each day, each glance, soft smile and then it happened. The bloody Mara pushed the entire team to the brink and he came to him for comfort. Gently soothing and whispering positive agreement to the actions … talking that made sense, Gwen ranting and raging like a mad bull in a china shop as he softly pointed out the history of these little monsters..

It was too late.

He had pulled back from him too late, it was already there. The attraction.

Then that kiss, searingly hot and needy that night after the weevil hunt that made them both light headed. Gods, it was intoxicating, his very smell was a drug that produced such a rush.

Time seemed to stall, slip and slide away when together. laughter soft and sweet as thy found themselves like teenagers again, courting one another with glances, hidden smiles and the occasional bickie on the edge of the saucer kind of thing. He didn't care if the others noticed, so? Not their bloody business anyway but it was a bit of a hurt that it was still hidden, that for the sake of HIS dignity it was hidden for so long. Of course then it became clear he was nervous. Not of why the rest of the team might do if it was commonly admitted to, what Ianto might do with such an admission from him. Trust is a delicate issue here.

Abaddon pushed the issue again and it was a relief to kiss him publically whether he liked it or not, that moment of wide eyed shock as he pulled him in and kissed him felt right, his response felt right and he knew he was making the right decision. Then he fucked up, chasing the Doctor and tinkling he needed help being him again. Himself once more. Returning to find him still there waiting had been such a surprise, not the anger, he had expected that but the hurt in Ianto's eyes … that had been a surprise. He did think the words then did he, even if he didn't say them.

"Ianto?"

Ianto looked up from the file with a hum and Jack knew it was time to clear the air, to sort out once and for all what was swirling about between them.

"Ianto … I need….I mean. It's been a while now that we've been sneaking about and being all furtive like secret agents or something" Jack was blustering and Ianto snorted.

"Yes, secret agents in a secret Alien hunting organisation only the Queen knows about sir?" Ianto was being obtuse, impossibly so and Jack was about to snap at him when he realised what he was doing. Ianto was deflecting again, forcing Jack into anger so he would leave instead of finishing the sentence but damn it all … he had chewed on this for days and knew he needed to.

"Ianto, I have feelings for you and do not want to hide them from the others anymore! Ianto, I love you" Jack said and Ianto seemed to stall out like someone flipped an off switch "It's OK Yan. You don't have to say it back, I know you can't. I know saying those words is not a release for you, not like it is for me. I know saying those words will mean you belong to me. But … don't leave me. OK?"

Ianto turned to face him and whispered softly "I can't help it either, it's …. Jack. The day I say the words to you, I will be yours forever and a day. Not fair when I have to leave you, leave those words in your heart. That day, when I say those words back you will know that I have nothing left to fear, OK?"

"Deal" Jack said with a sorrow he could not explain, pulling Ianto in for a kiss.

Their foreheads touched as they swayed to the song on the radio, apt as Elvis crooned for them and deep down somewhere in the back if his heart Jack hoped Ianto never had to say the words that he felt would not be to set him free, but to say goodbye.

.

..

.

.

Wise men say  
Only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin?  
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows, surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be

Take my hand  
Take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows, surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be

Take my hand  
Take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you  
For I can't help falling in love with you

Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love


	37. Lucky Ones

 

Ianto slid between the covers and chuffed softly as his feet seemed to throb with the cold, Jack's furnace of heat warming them like a hot foot bath.

"Shit a walrus sideways" Jack muttered as he shifted to let said feel slide between his for extra warmth, "you went topside?"

"Smelt something weird in the air" Ianto panted, wriggling closer so their heads touched, Jack's hand instantly coming out of the covers to cup Ianto's cold cheek, soothing and loving as he took a kiss that was languid and sweet.

"Anything?"

Ianto had to think for a second what Jack meant and then snorted at himself for getting lost in his mate's eyes so quickly, "Deer. A whole herd of them, at least forty. It was so pretty to watch, moving between cold snaps. Must know all the caves in the area and hid when it all hit."

"And?" Jack's eyes twinkled as he already knew the rest of the story, tasting it on his mate's lips.

"I took a couple of stragglers maybe" Ianto snorted at him, "Venison stew or tea tonight Cariad."

"The kids will go mad with glee, they need the extra iron" Jack kissed him again and then let him settle, his face now against Jack's chest as he sighed and closed his eyes to let the warm blanket of safety wash over him, Jack's heartbeat so soothing.

Jack knew he hadn't gone up there to look at passing bloody deer, it had probably been a chance thing and Ianto surprised for a moment before going into survival mode for the babans asleep below his feet in the Stronghold. No. He had gone topside to look at the hole in the ground that had been dug before the snows, the tunnel house covering the eight graves that had been dug so if there were any losses over the winter months there would be graves to settle them into. They had learnt that with the ground as hard as concrete it made digging impossible, a hard thing to swallow having dead you cannot lay to rest.

Ianto had picked the one for her. He had been preparing it with dried flowers and such for when they were to lower her into her place of rest. He had mourned and hated and raged up there even as she slept on the other room.

It was their curse.

To love and lose. To grow together as those around them only grew old and then grew silent as death stole them.

Jack tightened his grip and held his Holdfast tighter as he lamented the sad truth that they were the lucky ones, the gleaming of a set of eyes in the darkness as one of their pups approached the bed and whimpered to be let in shook Jack from his sorrow as he remembered there were them. Them too.

Jack stroked a little head as the child spooned his father and was soon breathing heavily as he breathed the scent of his Dam.

A lucky one too.

Jack told himself to be thankful, grateful as his journey would never again be a lonely one full of loss and despair.

Now he had something to hold onto, someone waiting for him each time.

Lucky, that.

.

.

.

.

.

Lay your head on me  
As I fall asleep  
Put your arms around mine  
Stay here by my side

[Chorus: Both]  
We're the lucky ones  
Only just begun  
Others leave too young  
We're the lucky ones

Til' your eyes can't see  
I'll be all you need  
Put your hand in mine  
Stay here by my side

[Chorus: Both]  
We're the lucky ones  
Only just begun  
Others leave too young  
We're the lucky ones

Promise me no matter (I promise)  
How the years change us (eyes don't see)  
You're perfectly imperfect  
Just like you were meant to be  
And all through our life please say you'll be mine

Hey you...

We're the lucky ones (we're the lucky ones)  
Only just begun  
Others leave too young (others leave, oh so young)  
But we're the lucky ones  
We are the lucky ones  
Mhmm...

Jack & Tim - The Lucky Ones


	38. Grenade

 

Ianto walked into the office and paused, Lisa leaning over the desk to kiss Adeola before turning to look at him. She knew he was there, had done that without even caring that he could see them. He was interested to see that she hadn't closed her eyes, drinking in Adeola's delight like an elixir. A virtual Vampyre who revelled in the affections of others.

"Hello there Lover" she purred as she straightened up, smiling at him and pulling her skirt into a sharp line again, "Those the files Her Nibs was looking for?"

"Yes" He wasn't sure where to look, Adeola now wearing Lisa's stunning red lipstick he had gifted her for Christmas and her face looked as shocked as Ianto's that Lisa had so openly kissed another lover in front of him. Like … she didn't know Lisa at all did she? Ianto was surprised by that thought.

As he walked to the empty office to place the files how Yvonne preferred Adeola slid in, "I am sorry Ianto. She said you were on a break."

"We are all but engaged and have lived together for two years. It's Ok Adi, you are not the only one. She has four others that I know of on the hook too" he had tried not to sound cold but it slipped out anyway, his grimace as he watched her face fall betraying his true hurt.

Lisa was in the lift waiting for him.

"Were you mean?" she asked, her eyelids dropping to that hooded look she knew drove him insane but today he didn't want that.

"I was honest. I told her it was OK as you are a cow" Ianto said truthfully and Lisa snorted as she let her head fall back against the mirrored wall.

"Pussy." She sighed, "You didn't even fight for me, did you!"

"Bitch." he whsipered, "Like I would take a bullet for you?"

She grinned and then slid over to lean against him, "Come on sweetie, you know you are my favourite. I come home to you."

"I bet you say that to all the sad twats who fawn over your leavings" Ianto huffed, and then smiled softly, forgiving her as he always did.

She leaned in and kissed him, his eyes sliding closed even as he knew she would continue to watch him.

"One day you will need me" Ianto said as he watched the button to his floor light up, "One day Lisa … you will need my loyalty yet you push and you push."

Lisa looked genuinely shocked as he turned on his heel to look back at her, "Yan! Come on. It's only a bit of fun. Come on, you would take a bullet for me, right?"

Ianto started to walk away and Lisa called after him "Ianto? Love? You would, right?"

He wasn't sure.

He hoped so, but he also hoped he never had to find out.

.

.

.

.

.

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live oh  
Take, take, take it all, but you never give  
Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss  
Had your eyes wide open,  
Why were they open?

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked 'cause  
What you don't understand is I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah)  
Throw my head on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah)

Oh oh, I would go through all this pain  
Take a bullet straight through my brain  
Yes, I would die for ya baby  
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no  
Black, black, black and blue,  
Beat me 'til I'm numb,  
Tell the devil I said 'hey' when you get back to where you're from  
Mad woman, bad woman  
That's just what you are,  
Yeah you'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked  
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah)  
Throw my head on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah)

Bruno Mars - Grenade


	39. Radioactive

Jack stood on the balcony of the high apartment watching the bombs exploding, the sky lighting up as the battle raged.

The air raid sirens were sounding and most sane people had run for the shelters already. Of course we are talking about Captain Jack Harkness, he didn't hide. Didn't run. No. He stood tall. Jack was rolling the name around in his mind as he looked around where he had stood a lifetime ago and a moment or two ago, knowing that if he raised the binoculars he might see himself with Rose in front of the face of Big Ben but he didn't' want to, couldn't drag that pain back into reality. As much as he wanted to go down and find the Tardis, bang on the door and scream his pain, rage … disappointment ... he knew this was not the time. He knew the rules. You don't shit in your own back yard and you do not EVER cross your own timeline.

Instead he closed his eyes and breathed in the smoke, ash and destruction as he went over the events that happened ... will happen … are happening out there as he and Rose run with the Doctor now. Gas masks and Chula ambulances. Then he opened his eyes as another image came unbidden.

What will happen next.

The Game Station.

Jack remembers that most of all, that moment of becoming. Waking up. Waking to a place of the dead. Ash and ruin. The sound of the Tardis running away from him as he ran with a desperation he could not explain towards a destiny yet to show itself.

He had been afraid that first time.

The second time he had simply felt ironic.

Now each rebirth felt …. Mocking.

He had long since come to the conclusion that this was a punishment for something, all those past indiscretions, deaths and fuckups now coming back over him like a wash of repentance. Yeah. He had to repent. Had to fix things somehow, that curse or gift or whatever it was … he had to wake up and shake this off.

He lifted his glass of scotch he had left on the railing a moment/lifetime ago …. Had just picked up moments later in a body that had lived longer than the lovely aged drop and enjoyed a sip, a building in the distance crumbling and he knew from memory that the curry from that eating establishment had been the best in town. He raised his glass sadly and lamented the weirdness of walking over your own grave.

Literally.

Like … here we are. This is it. The moment you zig instead of zag and make a friend that changes everything. A friend that seizes your coat lapels, your heart and your balls, dragging you into the fray.

Finally he can't resist and lifts the binoculars, watching as himself and Rose dance to the Moonlight Serenade, her smile as he remembered it. So rich, almost like she was spun gold.

He lowers them and takes a breath as he struggles now, should not have looked.

"Jack? We're going down to the air raid shelter remember?" a voice calls and he turns to smile at Rodney, a lovely boy with a delightful noise when excited.

He looks back one more time then grins, "Sorry Rodders, gotta go meet a girl, but you've got a nice bottom too."

He pats it and Rodney frowns, "Didn't you say that a few minutes ago? I came back up for you."

Jack smiles and pulls him close, "Tell you what old man, let's go shag in the basement. I'll make your toes curl"

Rodney snorts but nods at the same time and Jack heads in the direction he wonders if he should have gone all along, glancing back at what was perhaps a dream. Or a nightmare unfolding.

But he's awake now.

And he is the one who will make men cringe with fear.

When it all changes.

.

.

.

.

.

**"Radioactive"**

Whoa, oh, oh  
Whoa, oh, oh  
Whoa, oh, oh  
Whoa

I'm waking up to ash and dust  
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust  
I'm breathing in the chemicals  
 _[Inhale, exhale]_

I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus  
This is it, the apocalypse  
Whoa oh

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my system blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive

I raise my flag and dye my clothes  
It's a revolution, I suppose  
We're painted red to fit right in  
Whoa oh

I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus  
This is it, the apocalypse  
Whoa oh

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my system blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive

All systems go, the sun hasn't died  
Deep in my bones, straight from inside

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my system blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioactive


	40. Wolf in sheep's clothing

 

"There are people whose eyes you must not look into, whose attention you must avoid, do not draw them to yourself." Ianto spoke in a low tone, the children all silent as they looked up at him with their cute Halloween Costumes long since wilted from the evening fun.

The special closed Halloween Party created so the townsfolk who wanted to could come and take part could stay overnight in the safety of the compound and go home in the morning light. It had drawn more than Ianto had thought and soon the games and food had bored them. He had decided to scare the shit out of them with a horror story instead and now not only were the twenty odd children hanging on his every word, so were the Grups.

"they are strange, succubus creatures who are lost souls, seeking to stretch across the abyss and make fatal contact with the warm, deliciously constant flow of humanity" Ianto's hands were moving, his fingers crunching as everyone's eyes watched, Ianto leaning forward like he was confiding in them "They live for pain and exist only to visit that pain on others. A random glance, the momentary lingering of a look, glance or polite smile is enough to give them the excuse they seek."

Ianto paused and looked around at the rapidly breathing children then stole a glance at Jack who had started to stalk around the outside of them, then he continued "Sometimes it is better to keep your eyes on the gutter for the fear of that by looking up you might catch a glimpse of them. Look at the garbage floating down the drain, imagine yourself as the flowing water … nothing. Do. Not. Look. At. Them! Black shapes against the sun, and you might be blinded forever."

Silence.

"They will follow you, scenting the air and when you go to your rest that evening believing yourself safe in your own bed they will bleed from the shadow that followed you inside the house and your own shadow has betrayed you … it will be the vehicle of your demise" Ianto was growling now, the grups shifting uneasily in their seats as Ianto sighed and whispered "Then they suck your life-force from you."

As Ianto said this Jack seized Owen from behind and the high pitched scream was joined by others as Jack lifted Owen from his seat and Owen struggled, screaming for all he was worth, twisting to slap at Jack.

"BASTARD!" he screamed, "I almost shat meself!"

Everyone roared with mirth as Ianto sat back, his eyes returning to their normal colour as the Others listening in the tree line sniggered softly to themselves.

They had liked that one too.

John looked up as the childe upstairs giggled from the walkway and Mace watched over the proceedings with a soft smile for his lover. Joshua turned from the group where he stood at the wire fencing to stare out at the evening darkness, the gleam of his eyes more than his Taddy's was and the Others moved back into the shadows more as the one to fear looked into their souls.

.

.

.

.

Wolf In Sheep's Clothing (Set It Off) - lyrics

Ha-ha-ha, this is about you  
Beware, beware, be skeptical  
Of their smiles, their smiles of plated gold  
Deceit so natural  
But a wolf in sheep's clothing is more than a warning  
Bah-bah-black sheep, have you any soul?  
No sir, by the way, what the hell are morals?

Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quick  
Jill's a little whore and her alibis are dirty tricks

So could you  
Tell me how you're sleeping easy  
How you're only thinking of yourself  
Show me how you justify  
Telling all your lies like second nature  
Listen, mark my words, one day  
You will pay, you will pay  
Karma's gonna come collect your debt

Aware, aware, you stalk your prey  
With criminal mentality  
You sink your teeth into the people you depend on  
Infecting everyone, you're quite the problem  
Fee-fi-fo-fum, you better run and hide  
I smell the blood of a petty little coward

Jack, be lethal, Jack, be slick  
Jill will leave you lonely dying in a filthy ditch

So could you  
Tell me how you're sleeping easy  
How you're only thinking of yourself  
Show me how you justify  
Telling all your lies like second nature  
Listen, mark my words, one day  
You will pay, you will pay  
Karma's gonna come collect your debt

Maybe you'll change  
Abandon all your wicked ways  
Make amends and start anew again  
Maybe you'll see  
All the wrongs you did to me  
And start all over, start all over again

Who am I kidding?  
Now, let's not get overzealous here  
You've always been a huge piece of shit  
If I could kill you I would  
But it's frowned upon in all fifty states  
Having said that, burn in hell

So tell me how you're sleeping easy  
How you're only thinking of yourself  
Show me how you justify  
Telling all your lies like second nature  
Listen, mark my words, one day  
You will pay, you will pay  
Karma's gonna come collect your debt

By Nightcore


	41. Jealousy

 

Owen sat as Jack read the last of his report and then placed it down on the desk with a nod of his head "Good. Well written for a change. Sober were you?"

"Prick" Owen said without malice as he continued to sip at the coffee Ianto had left before sliding from the room again with that wraith thing he had perfected. Jack settled back in his own chair to sip from the large blue striped mug he loved so much and he watched Owen for a while.

"So, it was disabled and the threat eliminated. Anything else?" he asked after a few minutes of silent sipping, "Leave anything out?"

"Like what?" Owen asked, glancing at the doorway as he saw an opportunity to have some fun here.

"Well … did he talk about me?"

Ah.

Owen shrugged, "Not really. He did miss that stupid leather bird, worried that you might forget to let her out for her evening flight."

Owen enjoyed the surprise tht flittered over Jack's face and he leaned forward like he was about to impart a secret "To be honest … I see what you see in him now. Bloody energetic isn't he? Christ he loves camping. This walking thing …the country. God, drove me mad! But I guess you don't talk much, shagging and all."

Jack blinked as he stared at Owen, then looked at the ceiling "Yeah. Just shagging."

"He did talk about Rob though" Owen said, watching to see if he was going to get tripped up with the game now but the widening of the Captain's eyes as well as nostrils as those piercingly blue eyes bored into him told him that he was right. Jack didn't know that one. Ha! Never let it be said that Doctor Owen piss-pot Harper ever passed up the chance to be a first class wanker.

"Rob?"

"Yeah. Seems quite fond of him" Owen said smugly as Jack placed his mug on the desk and continued to stare at Owen.

"Rob!"

"Yes. He said he wished he had him along like" Owen was enjoying this more that he thought he would as Jack swallowed thickly, now looking mildly distressed as Owen tried to work out some more word-play here.

"Sound like quite a bloody tool if ya ask me but Ianto does have a weird little bent to him I hadn't noticed before"

Jack perked up, "Yeah? A bot of a tosser this Rob?"

Owen's turn to stare silently at Jack then he said with exaggerated slowness "You do know about Rob. Right?"

"Sure, of course" Jack snorted as he picked up the cup and made an act of not caring, even if he gripped the mug a little too tight really "Rob's OK I guess."

"Still, I can think of better things to pine after" Owen said like it was a throwaway comment and Jack's startled intake of breath was amusing too, "You know … I wouldn't' mind a Rob myself. Sounds so …. Versatile!"

Jack slammed the mug down and rose from his chair, staring to pace as he considered what he was being told and Owen suppressed a snigger as he contemplated the fact he may have needled too deep and drawn blood. Still. Interesting.

"Did he say how long he's known him?" Jack was past pretending he didn't' care as he demanded answers in a dangerous tone and a voice for the doorway startled them.

"Know who?"

"Jack wants to know how long you've had Rob" Own said with glee, Jack's anger starting to show as he gripped the edge of the desk hard enough to whiten his knuckles.

"Rob? Ah, a couple of years I guess. Picked him up on a whim one day at the hardware store. Thought he looked … strong and useful, never thought I would use him but … well. Sometimes you need the right man for the job" Ianto quipped happily as he approached the desk "More coffee sir?"

"So … where is Rob now?" Jack asked, his decision to hunt him down and kneecap him strong.

"In the boot of me car, sir" Ianto said with confusion, "Where else would I put him?"

Jack blinked slowly as Owen finally started to choke. He looked over at Owen and then his face changed as he looked back at Ianto "Ianto. What is Rob?"

Ianto canted his head "Me crowbar Sir. You've met him."

"The large one" Jack finally remembered, "All shiny and red. Right? Painted bright red."

"Yeah, like he's a naughty little crooked devil's tail. Yeah" Ianto smiled wistfully "You know, we might have done with him on that assignment. Bloody handy things. Crowbars."

"Yes Ianto" Jack forgave Owen, seeing the humour in being jealous of a bloody crowbar.

He would give Owen that victory.

After all … Jack still got Ianto.

.

.

.

.

.

My wonderful Crumbly sent me the latest audio book from Torchwood written by Gareth David-Lloyd called 'The Last Beacon' and in this there is a crowbar called Rob mentioned in conversation between Ianto and Owen. Could not resist.

.

.

.

.

.

**Jealousy"**

He's got a great big hit he's in a limousine  
when i see his face somethin' starts to freeze  
he's got money for miles his girl comes out of vogue  
when he acts like an ass he's treated like a rogue

i feel it comin' it's flushin' my face  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' it's boilin my blood  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' flushin' my face  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' boilin' my blood  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
this isn 't for the first time in my life

she comes from top cheekbones she never worried hard  
you could camp an army on her family's yard  
when i look at blue blood i want to make it mud  
and tear that difference down rock an' roll is how

i feel it comin' it's breakin' my neck  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' boilin' my blood  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' boilin my blood  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin breakin' my neck  
i feel lr comin' jealousy baby  
this isn 't for the first time in my life

i feel it comin' it's flushin' my face  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' boilin my blood  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' flushin' my face  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' breakin' my neck  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby  
i feel it comin' heatin' my eyes  
i feel it comin' jealousy baby

jealousy baby - Iggy Pop


	42. EVERGLOW

 

Tommy was gone and Toshiko was so tired that she could hardly think as she entered her apartment and looked around. There were still traces of him, the two cups sitting on the draining board and she felt nothing but that dull heaviness that this bloody job leaves you with sometimes.

She flopped into her chair and after a moment she looked to her left where he usually sat.

He wasn't there. The red cushion was bare. Tosh frowned a she sat up and looked around, checking his dishes in the kitchen but saw that there was still some food in the bowl. He usually cleared it away, the self-feeder still almost full her first waning of what she was going to find and with a heavy heart she walked from the kitchen through to the bedroom where the smell of sex still lingered.

He was on the end of the bed, curled up on her kimono still asleep and she let her breath out as she sat and reached to wake him only to hesitate. She stared at him, taking in the fur along his sides, his tail curled around himself and she knew.

She knew.

"Moses?" she whispered, then cleared her throat as she told herself to grow a set, letting her hand fall on to the cool body. "Oh no. Moses. No."

The old cat that had been left behind after the fairy debacle, Ianto on the doorstep sneezing as he cuddled the poor bedraggled thing and he told her the cat would be euthanized if he handed it in, too old and toothless for re-homing. She remembered the way his eyes slid to one side as he handed the cat to her, then he had looked her in the eye, first real time since ….well ….you know. She saw his pain, that horrible retched devastation that she now knew too.

"Moses?"

Tosh reached for her phone, still unable to lift her hand like if she did he might crumble to dust. The phone rang a few times then "Hello, Ianto Jones here."

"Ianto. Moses is gone" she whispered.

"Damn, your landlady let him out again? I keep telling you that ….oh. You mean …."

"Yeah."

"Righteho. I'll be right there" Ianto's voice was warm and she felt a little better, rising to clean the apartment as she knew he would smell Tommy, would see the bed and know … silly to be ashamed of such a thing but Ianto was like a little brother and the thought of him even considering her in such a …well. You know.

She rang downstairs and told her landlady, the tears easier over the phone as the old lady admitted she had loved looking after him. Tosh knew the poor old girl would miss him dreadfully, most of his days spent with her while Tosh was at work. Can't be helped now.

Ianto knew what to do, the little box he had under his arm was perfect for fluffy bodies and she had felt quite dangerous and daring as they snuck into the cemetery with Ianto calmly hefting the shovel, digging the dirt down deep enough before placing the box in and starting to close it over, the flowers a lovely surprise.

Moses was back with Estelle and she knew Ianto had made sure he had dug where her chest and stomach was likely to be. He had attended her funeral, of course he had. He had paid for it with the Torchwood Card and calm orders while checking her favourite flowers were in her wreath. Now he placed them on her grave again, her cat back with her.

Tosh knew it was silly, after all she only had him for a while, most of his life had been with the woman no with him back in her lap where he preferred to be. Right? He had been old and slept most of the time anyway, his rattly purr not unlike the furnace firing up and she knew she would miss that welcome in the mornings, his slow blink as he placed his face close enough to tickle her with his whiskers while asking silently if she was awake yet. The way he would chew thoughtfully as she watched him enjoy a sliver of her fish she had purchased for her sushi but he had told her plaintively that it really had been meant for him.

Then Ianto started to sing softly as he filled in the little grave. Tosh had heard the song before but never listened to the words. Trust Ianto to bloody know the prefect song and Tosh felt the lump in her throat as she blinked and tried to stare it away.

It was all too soon.

"It was too soon" she croaked out, "Not fair. I just needed him a bit longer."

Ianto looked at her as he stomped the grass back down, "Who? Tommy or Moses?"

She didn't answer and Jack sighed softly as he walked aver form a nearby grave. He must have followed them or something, coming to stand by Tosh as he said softly, "I know. Sometimes it the hardest par of loving. Letting go. People say it's the price you pay for love. I usually tell them to go fuck themselves sideways."

Tosh felt a snort of amusement through her tears as Jack shrugged and smiled, then looked over at Ianto, his face serene. "Nice work there Mister Jones."

Ianto glanced up at him and then smiled softly, "That's Agent Jones to you Sir!"

"Cheeky Tiger" Jack smiled softly now, reaching to take the shovel and he hesitated, his hand falling on the top of the headstone, "Goodnight sweetheart."

They left with Tosh between them, her glance back ignored as she took one last look at the resting place of her cat.

Tosh knew she would not get another. No point really.

Moses was her one and only fur child.

Her own life almost as short.

.

.

.

.

**Everglow**

oh they say people come, say people go  
this particular diamond was extra special  
and though you might be gone, and the world may not know  
still I see you, celestial

like a lion you ran, a goddess you rolled  
like an eagle you circled, in perfect purple  
so how come things move on, how come cars don't slow  
when it feels like the end of my world  
when I should but I can't let you go?

but when I'm cold, cold  
oh when I'm cold, cold  
there's a light that you give me when I'm in shadow  
there's a feeling you give me, an everglow

like brothers in blood, sisters who ride  
and we swore on that night we'd be friends til we die  
but the changing of winds, and the way waters flow  
life as short as the falling of snow  
and now I'm gonna miss you I know

but when I'm cold, cold  
in water rolled, salt  
I know that you're with me and the way you will show  
and you're with me wherever I go  
and you give me this feeling this everglow

oh- I I I I  
what I wouldn't give for just a moment to hold  
yeah I live for this feeling this everglow

so if you love someone, you should let them know  
oh the light that you left me will everglow

Everglow by Coldplay

.

.

.

For DarqueQueen7 … until you meet again in the Garden xxxx


	43. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to my American buddies xxxxx

 

"I don't get it" Owen said as he hooked some salad with his fork "This is not even a British or Welsh thing, right?"

"It is a thing for Jack" Ianto replied as he eyed the table, then reached out to spear a little new potato from the bowl, "these are brilliant Owen. You really grow nice veggies."

"Ta. Who would have thought, eh?" Owen smiled, then made a small noise as he turned to wipe his daughter's face, "Apple of my eye! Apple on your face, ya mad thing."

"I am thankful we have healthy children" Tosh agreed, the little one in her lap sitting with his mouth open waiting for another fork full off mash.

"Well, I am thankful" Ton replied as he looked at the counter and the cake box, "I was allowed to choose a cake for afters."

Everyone made happy noises as they wondered what the cake would be, most likely a turkey since that was what Ton knew was the best thing about thanksgiving.

Jack sat at the head of the table watching Ianto fuss over all the children, grandchildren and friends, his face glowing as he accepted praise for the perfectly cooked turkey. Then Ianto glanced at him and Jack smiled softly, the wink and leer a surprise but lovely as Ianto wantonly looked him up and down then said "I am thankful that my husband is eating well. I might wear him out later."

Cue the howls of mirth, horror and in Jack's case … glee.

"Some more turkey?" John was holding his plate out and Jack rose to slice some more for his friend watching as Ianto lovingly pushed the gravy boat towards John's seat.

"I am thankful!" Ben said around his mouthful of turkey "my tooths isn't all fallen out yet so I can still eat!"

"Dude. How many times do we have to explain, they do not all fall out at once. You will not be gumming your food until the adult ones grow in like an old man" Curtis said with affection cuddling Ben to him as Penny frowned and considered.

"Will mine fall out too?"

"Yep" Ben replied, "Tooth fairy money for you too bro!"

"Wow!" Penny grinned "I am thankful I can have tooth fairies!"

Ianto snorted with mirth, looking away as Walter blinked then grinned as well, the term fairy applying to him as he was the sneaker, tooth taker and placer of gold coins.

"I am grateful that we all get to be us in a world where some don't" Babs said as she fed her cat a sliver of turkey under her chair, Ianto's frown telling her he had seen.

"Badger Man is thankful Tadda cooked him and his best friends chickens too!" Ton pointed as the dogs sat all licking their bowls with that food coma expression of a well fed dog.

"I am thankful I get to join the madness" Sam said as LB squealed like she was adding to it. Everyone laughed softly.

"I am grateful I got to be a Harkness-Jones" Fen said quietly, looking at his plate and Ianto swallowed thickly accepting that one.

"I am thankful no one has broken bits today!" Imp said regally and everyone giggled as he looked at both his wrists like a magician showing there was nothing up his sleeves.

"I am thankful Ianto gives second chances" Chrystal whispered, her hand over John's as he replied "ditto"

"Food!" Monkey hooted, "Lots of food! Thanks!"

"Monkey, ya daft beggar!" Ton laughed happily as he watched his cousin chow down.

Jazzy smiled at her brother as she agreed "Yeash!"

Jack settled again, watching Ianto glow as he argued with Monkey about table manners and knew his gratefulness would never be explained in mere words.

The Gods had been kind.

They had everything he sometimes still felt he did not quite deserve.

"Happy Thanksgiving" he said softly, glancing over at little Grace who stared back silently. He rose and picked her form the high chair, walking to the window so she could see the horses, her face lighting up.

He peeked into the box and couldn't hold back the snort of amusement. Ton's cake was a turkey alright, it looked like one that had fallen into the ground face first with all its arse in the air, tail feathers splayed out and he knew where Ton would gleefully place the tip of the knife as the other kids screamed.

What a wonderful world.

.

.

.

.

**"Thank You"**

Down and out, all alone  
Sitting here, sad and blue  
The sun is now going down  
It's kinda cold, seeking refuge

Or just a friendly face  
Or maybe just a smile  
Someone that understands  
What I'm going through right now  
And just before I…

Lay me down to never wake  
I look up and I see you  
So with everything I am

Thank you  
Thank you  
Because you didn't have to  
Thank you  
Thank you  
With everything I am  
Thank you

For the real sacrifice and the truth  
Behind your giving heart  
And how you never judge or fault in me  
Help because you want it too

And for your friendly face  
And for just your smile  
Simply understanding  
What I'm going through right now  
And just before I…

Lay me down to never wake  
I look up and I see you  
So with everything I am

Thank you  
Thank you  
Because you didn't have to  
Thank you  
Thank you  
With everything I am  
Thank you

'Cause when no one else would care, you did  
And when no one else was there, you were  
Now I am so aware  
You're a blessing to me  
What did I do to deserve  
To deserve you  
There's no words  
That could describe  
That could describe  
How much I

Thank you  
Thank you  
Because you didn't have to  
Thank you  
Thank you  
With everything I am  
Thank you

For everything I am  
Thank you… Thank you… Thank you…  
Thank you  
With everything I am  
Thank you

Thank you – Celine Dion


	44. Love you through it

 

Ianto was walking along the hospital corridor, heading back to the car park when he heard someone calling his name and he turned to see a couple walking towards him hand in hand.

"Hey" he called back, stopping to wait for them to catch up to him and as they did the woman threw her arms around him and held onto him as he hugged her back and lifted her off her feet so gently that it was like she was his precious little child.

"Where were you?" the man asked, Damien smiling as he offered his hand and Ianto took it, still trapped in the woman's embrace.

"Cancer ward, a little one was getting a shunt installed and was afraid. I promised I would be here for it" Ianto explained as he finally got to breathe.

"We were seeing Doctor Harper" the woman said happily, "He was giving me the latest results."

"Good I hope Coleen" Ianto asked and she nodded.

"Clear. All clear. It's been three years now … he's optimistic that it's not going to reoccur" Damien sighed, the relief sad so see as he slumped like someone was cutting his strings and she swung to grab him, the two of them clinging to one another like survivors of some great war.

And they were.

They had survived a battle many will never even imagine let alone witness.

"well, I remember my first Inconclusive" Ianto admitted "A false negative that had me and Owen in tears. A bad time in my life, in my recovery. A scary time as I waited to learn if it was back or not. That window of purgatory was horrible and I wish it on none. You know you have weathered the storm, remained true and now get to enjoy the calm. There is always clean up after a storm, to be expected, right?"

"My breasts arrive next week" she blurted "I'll have ballasts again!"

"And I know from my own falsies … it takes time to learn that balance again" Ianto said in a silly voice and they all laughed, the couple touching constantly as they tried to reassure one another and themselves that it was real , the clear was real. The cancer was gone.

"I was asked once to describe it … the feeling of cancer and my first reaction was to tell them to go fuck themselves. What a cruel, thoughtless question. To have me even have to consider and … rationalise an emotion so deep and so painful. Then I realised that they had no idea, no concept of drowning on dry land. There are people who have never suffered, some have not lost a parent or sibling, have not known the feeling of loss and freefall. I explained calmly that there were no words in the English language capable of labelling such emption. It was as deep and liquid as the sea, asking me to describe a single drop of water from such a large entity is meaningless. A task in futility."

"Sometimes I catch my mother looking at me, this wretched pained look like she sees me in my coffin" Coleen whispered "I pretend not to see, then she catches herself and smiles again."

"Near misses are as scary as direct hits" Ianto nodded "We survived. We won, does not mean we did not fight like motherfuckers. Jack cries. On the anniversary of … well. That day. He holds me in the night and cries … every year, that one night he allows himself the grief of 'almost' that feeling that overcomes the joy and elation of success. That 'almost' or … are we just hiding in the shadows as it stalks us?"

Does it ever fade?" Damien asked "Is there a day where we don't even think about it ...don't let it in?"

"Like a beast waiting for you to give it strength by saying it's name … yeah. Cancer is always going to hover. In time you learn to ignore it, to pretend there isn't something lurking but … it's not something you can shake off."

"So how do you deal with it?"

"I embrace it. I welcome those moments because they make me pause and shake off the unimportant things. Don't sweat the small stuff, my son says that all the time. Why worry if you got that parking space or not … you beat cancer. So what if you got ripped off by 10p at the shop … you beat cancer. And it's pissed as hell at you."

"Good. I hope it gnashes it's teeth and roars with rage" Coleen said bravely "I won!"

"And so say all of us" Ianto laughed, "Go on … go have a bacon sandwich. I missed those so much during my treatments. I love bacon!"

The couple walked to their car, waving merrily as Ianto waved back and watched them go, then he got into his SUV and sat staring at the dash for a while.

"I see you. My shadow. I see you, my personal hunter. And I will fight you forever" Ianto said into the empty vehicle then he straightened up and turned the key, the familiar growl of the engine turning over warming his heart.

Yes.

He can go another ten years on his hate for that shadow alone.

.

.

.

.

She dropped the phone and burst into tears  
The doctor just confirmed her fears  
Her husband held it in and held her tight  
Cancer don't discriminate or care if you're just 38  
With three kids who need you in their lives  
He said, I know that you're afraid and I am, too  
But you'll never be alone, I promise you

When you're weak, I'll be strong  
When you let go, I'll hold on  
When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes  
When you feel lost and scared to death  
Like you can't take one more step  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I'm gonna love you through it.

She made it through the surgery fine  
They said they caught it just in time  
But they had to take more than they planned

Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts  
To hide what the cancer took from her  
But she just wants to feel like a woman again  
She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore"  
He took her in his arms and said That's what my love is for

When you're weak, I'll be strong  
When you let go, I'll hold on  
When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes  
When you feel lost and scared to death  
Like you can't take one more step  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I'm gonna love you through it

ooh baby  
And when this road gets too long  
I'll be the rock you lean on  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I'm gonna love you through it  
I'm gonna love you through it  
I'm gonna love you through i

Martina McBride - I'm Gonna Love You Through It


	45. Sound of Silence

 

"OK" Ianto settled to survey the children all staring raptly at him, the only Grup who was actually interesting. Ianto watched Alice hesitantly pick the baby up from his capsule and steal to a corner to examine him. He looked over the children of varying ages and the few Grups also there, as some were at different times in this open style school.

"So. I will sing you a song, shall I?" he asked and they all gaped as he opened the strange suitcase and pulled from it a …

"What is it?" a little voice called out hesitantly as everyone gaped at the deep red stained woodwork.

"A guitar" he replied, "Now … listen."

He began to play, the fingers moving with that natural grace of one who is self-taught, his eyes closed as he suddenly started to sing. It was like the Torchwood was stalling out, the entire vessel hearing the eerie sound so she piped it though the sound system, enjoying it herself.

As the song ended he opened his eyes and looked at the little faces, some openly shining, some covered in tears and some clutching at one another as they stared at him.

"That was one of my favourite songs as a child. From before when it all first went to hell … I remember this song playing on the radio, my Mama singing along. Pretty, isn't it? Decadent and totally subversive. A rare moment when she allowed me the joy of hearing music. Songs were banned too, especially this one" he sighed, "Yell me. What did you all hear in the lyrics?"

They stared.

"The words, the poem. It is a song where there is music and words called lyrics." He explained patiently.

"It spoke of people not communicating face to face!" Mica said carefully "Like … technology taking over. People all hidden in rooms, behind closed doors.:"

"Well done poppet" he said with pride, "well done. Anyone else get something?"

"Neon? What's Neon?"

"Ahhhhh…Barnerik. Well done! Good question." he reached out to pat the boy's shoulder and the child swelled with joy.

"Neon is colour" Ianto said loudly, "Strong…. Bright colours … so bright it was glowing!"

"Colour. People chose a colour … like a symbol. Like a god!" Stephen guessed, "They chose their colours and turned away from those who did not agree. No one argued…they just … stopped talking. Stopped negotiating and turned the world to a place of silence."

"Yes" Ianto smiled as he agreed. "And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls …. I still see those. I walked past them with my Mama many times. Bellow the ground, tunnels once used for transportation now used by those sneaking under the barriers. People wrote their thoughts, subversive quotes and demands for help."

"Tenement walls" Serrellliaaaaaaf asked "Like … those buildings people were forced to live in like animals all crammed in on top of one another."

"Like we aren't?" someone called out and Ianto laughed as he pointed at the child.

"Yes … but there is a difference!" he finally managed to say "We speak freely. We will learn to write songs again, we will share them and we will sing."

"Tadda Ianto?" a small voice asked and Ianto felt a swell of affection for the small boy who heard what the others called him and decided to call him that too "Tadda … The Neon God spoke to them. It warned them about the subversives. It that the AI?"

"Oh Digga, clever boy. Yes. When technology became self-aware it knew we were destroying one another. It didn't want that and that is why AI sometimes steps in and stops a riot or some bad thing happening. You should always listen to your AI. Look at Torchwood, she is so clever and loving, right?"

"I liked that Tadda" Mica said happily "Can you play it again?"

"Sure" Ianto picked up his guitar and the haunting melody rang out once more, many Grups now singing along softly showing that their childhoods were a bit subversive as well.

.

.

.

.

Hello darkness, my old friend  
I've come to talk with you again  
Because a vision softly, creeping  
Left its seeds while I was, sleeping  
And the vision, that was planted in my brain... still remains  
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone  
'Neath the halo of a streetlamp  
I turned my collar to the cold and damp  
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light  
That split the night  
And touched the sound, of silence

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people maybe more  
People talking without speaking  
People hearing without listening  
People writing songs, that voices never shared  
No one dared  
Disturb the sound, of silence

"Fools," said I, "You do not know

Silence like a cancer grows"  
Hear my words that I might teach you  
Take my arms that I might reach you"  
But my words, like silent raindrops fell  
And echoed, in the wells, of silence

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made  
And the sign flashed out its warning  
In the words that it was forming  
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls,  
And tenement halls"  
And whispered in the sounds, of silence"

Simon and Garfunkel - The Sound Of Silence


	46. Behind Blue Eyes

Jack stood silently as the city burned below, those around him still in shock as he threw the used detonator over the edge of the cliff down into the inferno then he turned to face those he had managed to evacuate before the deadly virus took hold.

"Right, let's move out" he said calmly and they slowly gathered themselves together, one woman crying pitifully for the child she had lost, had watched die as this same man she now followed had so heartlessly blew the back if it's head off with his gun.

Jack didn't look back.

Didn't have time to with daylight not too far away.

.

.

.

.

He was laughing, his head thrown back as she sneered, her face changing to one of confusion as she looked at his team manager laying at her feet, the spreading pool of blood staining her shoes.

"That's the best ya got?" Jack snorted "You killed him. Not much bargaining there!"

"Are you not at least upset?" she asked with confusion.

"Why?" he replied as he folded his arms, "Dead is dead. One less to save. I am not giving you those codes."

.

.

.

.

He didn't cry, couldn't as his friend screamed. The sound more of a rattle as he died so horribly, slowly and in such agony that Jack could feel it, his stomach twisting as the bastard ground the knife deeper, turning the hilt in his hand. All the while staring over at Jack handcuffed in the corner, his sneer only angering Jack more.

Finally the noise stopped and the man stepped away, wiping the blade dispassionately on the man's shirt then turning to Jack. "So, they tell me you are a hard nut to crack. Not to mind, I will break you sooner or later you know."

"All I know is that you know nothing at all about me" Jack said in the native tongue of this man, knowing it sounded dull and flat with his lack of inflection.

Surprise flittered across the man's face, then he snarled as he advanced.

Jack knew that the dead were pulled to the outside for the animals. He could escape then and this idiot would learn nothing. Except not to turn your back on someone you taunt … even beyond death they can bite.

And this entire facility will burn.

.

.

.

.

.

Just another day at the office, another slog at the grindstone or whatever they say .. Jack was beat. Why did it all fall to him, as always it fell to him to make the rules, stick by them and then work out how to break them covertly while keeping up this pretense of being someone he is not.

How the hell does a conman get himself into this mess?

"There you are!"

Jack spun to find the man who had spoken softly leaning on the doorframe "I take it you bullshitted your way out of it again? Hmmmmm? Silver tongued devil!"

"Yeah, not only did they forgive the building being blown up .. .we got funding for another SUV" Jack said as he stalked over to the man, pulling him off the doorframe like a sloth claiming it's tree and Ianto's' face softened as he reached out to stroke his face.

"I drew a bath already ya know … bubbles and everything. It is only getting cooler while we dance …come Cariad. Tell me all about it and I shall wash your hair" Ianto offered, Jack feeling his shoulders sag as he let Ianto take his hand and lead him to the bathroom where he would reverently undress him and kiss his skin as he washed away the day.

He might not be a good man, but he was his man's and right now it was the best he could be.

It was good enough for Ianto.

Who seemed to know, and forgave him anyway.

And one day … one day that would be gone too … all that would be left of the conman would be his smarts. His heart would die with this man now singing a Welsh lullaby as he swished more hot into the bathtub.

And when that day came…

Jack would break.

.

.

.

.

.

**"Behind Blue Eyes"**

No one knows what it's like   
To be the bad man   
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies

But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through

But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open  
Before I use it and lose my cool  
When I smile, tell me some bad news  
Before I laugh and act like a fool

And if I swallow anything evil  
Put your finger down my throat  
And if I shiver, please give me a blanket  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes


	47. Flame still burns

 

Boe was humming again, the same melody that always made the Novices sad. It was hauntingly beautiful and Hame leaned against the tank "Does it have words Old Father?"

Boe considered and then started to sing, the melody had been sad enough but to hear the lyrics were transfixing. Hame clasped her paws together with wonder "Beautiful. Oh, how sad and yet so … wonderful."

"It was written back in the 20th century. Was part of a soundtrack, do you know what a soundtrack is?" he asked and she was pleased to see he was in a communicative mood, not usual theses days where he mostly slept like he was waiting for something.

"Flame still burns … it speaks of hope" she smiled.

"No. It speaks of love" he sighed sadly, his huge mouth curling into a grimace "So much lost, so much gone but the hope … the promise of a reward waiting just beyond the last confines of the existence one is forced to endure … it speaks of that. The one waiting in the veil. The flame is their heart light … their candle burning for you."

She canted her head, death not something uncommon in her line of work but not something this exalted one ever spoke about in conjunction with himself. Some said he was immortal. "The veil?"

"Somewhere … there is a journey we take, all do sooner or later. To another place, a place where the mist is light and the air breezy yet not cold. We walk in the mist and see ahead of us a beautiful garden with all the colours and majesty of royalty. We go to that place, where a place is just for us. Imagine it Hame. What your perfect garden would look like. Butterflies no doubt with your sweet nature, right?"

She nodded, her eyes closed as she imagined a garden with perfectly clipped bordered gardens and huge butterflies wafting about with long tails to their wings, the sound of peacats and maybe a stream, fish jumping.

"Ahhhhhh. Nice. Now … do you see a seat?"

She thought she ….yes. There. It was a wrought iron one painted white, so pretty and it seemed to call her over, setting herself on it as she looked around. It all seemed so real. Then something rolled past and she squeaked as she lifted her feet then laughed softly. It was a Tribble, not unlike the pet one she had as a kit. Same colours … same crazy eight rolling configuration that always made her laugh as a small kit. She watched for a while, taken with the similarities … a small Gerborid stepped into view from the bushes. A small dog-like creature with purple fur that moved in the breeze to reveal pink fluffy lining fur beneath.

"Feb?" she whispered with awe as her long gone pet turned his head to wink at her then look to her left, she followed the movement with wonder. Then she saw someone walking from afar, coming over a pretty wooden bridge. You know, a curved one where their head was visible, then their body like they were rising from another world …. "Mama!"

The woman waved, her pretty orange fur bright and Hame saw with surprise that her mother was unclothed, furred in the light shining behind her as if the sun were setting in that direction.

Her mother hesitated on the bridge and called out "I love you Desiree"

Then she turned to leave and Hame sprang up "NO! Mama!"

"She will wait" a voice said and she swung to find a man standing there in a three piece suit and a watch chain on his waistcoat. He was impeccably dressed and seemed to be amused by her as he smiled warmly "There is time yet sweetie. Go back now."

She opened her eyes to find huge blue ones boring in to her.

"Was he there?"

"He was … pretty. A man. Human. He wore one of those suits like the Doctor wears and he seemed kindly like him too. But his voice was …. Melodic. Like the song!" she smiled as she remembered his smile "His eyes were not as blue as yours, more a soft sea blue. He was …."

"Beautiful" Boe sighed softly "He has waited so long. So long. Soon. I think …. I … my love."

His eyes drifted shut again and she wondered if this vision might come to pass one day. If her mama might really wait for her like that then it occurred to her that the man was not there for her. He was waiting for the Face of Boe?

"What's his name" she whispered.

"Ianto." He sighed "He is always there, every time he holds me and I breathe in his love before I am ripped back to this place. He will always be waiting for me there, even if each moment seems stolen."

Hame felt a twist in her heart as she knew it to be true.

No wonder he preferred to meditate.

She may try it too.

.

.

.

.

_Strange Fruit & Jimmy Nail_ _  
_ _Flame Still Burns_

_[composed by Mick Jones, Marti Fredericksen, Chris Difford]_

_I live a life that`s surreal_ __  
_Where all that I feel I am learning_ __  
_For life has been turned on the lathe_ _  
_ _Reshaped with a flame that`s still burning_

_And in time, it`s all a sweet mystery_ __  
_When you shake the tree of temptation_ __  
_Yeah, and I, I know the fear and the cost_ _  
_ _Of a paradise lost in frustration_

_And the flame still burns_ __  
_It`s there in my soul for that unfinished goal_ __  
_And the flame still burns_ __  
_From a glimmer of then, it lights up again_ __  
_In my life_ _  
_ _In my life, yeah_

_I, I want my thoughts to be heard_ __  
_The unspoken words of my wisdom_ __  
_Today, as the light starts to close_ _  
_ _Tomorrow who knows who will listen_

_But my life has no language of love_ __  
_No word from above is appearing_ __  
_Or the time, and time is a fire that`s stoked_ _  
_ _with the reason of hope and believing_

_And the flame still burns_ __  
_Yeah, it`s there in my soul for that unfinished goal_ __  
_And the flame still burns_ __  
_From a glimmer of then, it lights up again_ _  
_ _In my life_

_Keep a rollin`, keep that flame still burnin`_ __  
_Keep a rollin`, while the world keeps turnin`_ __  
_Yeah, keep a rollin`_ _  
_ _Yeah, keep a rollin`_

_And the flame still burns_ __  
_It`s there in my soul for that unfinished goal_ __  
_And the flame still burns_ _  
_ _From a glimmer of then, it lights up again_

_And the flame still burns_ __  
_Yeah, it`s there in my soul for that unfinished goal_ __  
_And the flame still burns_ __  
_From a glimmer of then, it lights up again_ _  
_ _In my life, in my life._


End file.
